TakEUpLaCES

The BOOM - The 2nd Twitter Movie

2011-12-12T20:10:00.029+09:00

Movie Made by Twitter Handle @Yeh_kya - The Twitter Elephant !!

Hi, I'm @Yeh_kya - the Twitter Elephant.

You might have come across my trolling Tweets. Although, I am an elephant, I'm nimble on my toes and jump from handle to handle all over twitter, poking my Trunk in everybody's business. Fortunately, nobody minds it and those who do are nice enough not to say it. Wheww.. :)

Ok, well, This is my SECOND Masala Movie "The BOOM" based on Twitter limitations of 140/10. Where the story stays within 10 LINES and no line exceeds more than 140 characters.

In case you haven't seen the 1st one - here it is. Do check it out - Ali ka Ele.
I felt encouraged with my Timeline and my friends and their comments on 'Ali ka Ele'. So I decided to go on a 2nd venture of a similar kind...only better this time. And thus was born - The BOOM'.

While the 1st one was just a 'Read it' flick, this one has Audio-Visuals for effect..and a nice little moral at the end. :)..all the while still sticking to the 140/10 concept.

Since I believe creative content is king especially if decorated with simplicity, you will find the movie pretty simple yet interesting enough to keep you hooked till the very end (or so I have been told). And if you do reach the very end with a satisfying smile on your face, I would consider my work a home run success !! Super Duper HIT !! :) Your comments would only be cherry on top.

Credits to:
Twitter handle @anandd29 to who this blog belongs to.
Twitter handle @dark_gal who I think is pretty good with words.
I thank both of them for their contribution in my little venture.

So...GRAB some POPCORN...Settle Down !

You are REQUESTED to Put your Imagination to full use. Your movie will begin the moment you begin reading Line 1 and will end the moment you are done reading Line 10.

So without much ado - Presenting to you...the 4 minute 04 seconds flick that goes by the name:
"The BOOM"
Starring:
Don - Age around 45 - dad to a daughter
Lisa - Don's 15 year old daughter.
Masked Men - Sundry low paid actors
Train passengers - Extras

Directed and produced by @Yeh_kya
Story Boarding by @anandd29, @dark_gal, @Yeh_kya
All rights reserved by @anandd29 and @Yeh_kya

Turn the VOLUME FULL BLAST. Enjoy !!

If you're not able to view it here for some reason - Here's the YouTube link - The BOOM (YouTube)

Do Comment so I know what you thought of it. :)

Disclaimer:
[This post (movie) is just a creative effort. This is not a money venture. The audio used in this movie has not been made by either the owner of this blog or by Twitter handle @Yeh_kya.]

The Twitter Movie - Ali ka Ele

2011-07-10T01:09:00.046+09:00

Movie Made by Twitter Handle @Yeh_kya - The Twitter Elephant !!
Welcome. Grab some popcorn. Settle down.

First, a very brief foreword about the Movie you are about to watch.

This movie is just a 10 minute "Read flick". This does NOT stretch to the regular 2.5 / 3 hours. A unique idea, it's been dubbed as the 10 lines-140 characters project. In short - "10/140".

The concept thus of this 10/140 flick is this -
Movie restricts itself to 10 lines only.
Movie restricts itself to 140 characters only in each line.
Movie to have Indian masala and be Short and Sweet only.
Movie to be within the rules n regulation limits of the country.
No use of Religion, Politics or scandals.

This 10-140 has been given the "K" certificate. K= Kool.
By who? Kindly don't ask. Hehe..

You are REQUESTED to Put your Imagination to full use. Your movie will begin the moment you begin reading Line 1 and will end the moment you are done reading Line 10.

So without much ado - Presenting to you...the first production of the 10/140 flick that goes by the name - Ali ka Ele.

Directed and produced by @Yeh_kya
All rights reserved by @Anandd29 and @Yeh_kya

10 by 140 "Ali ka Ele" Starring -

Ele - Toy Elephant - The Twitter Elephant @yeh_kya
Ali - Cute Boy - 5 years old
Dad - Ali's dad
Raza - Bad boy/thief/Ali's schoolmate
Rita - Raza's mom and a bar Dancer
kalia - Diamond Smuggler
Police - Sundry low paid actors
Bar owner - Sundry low paid drunk actor

Let's begin.
Lights off...! Enjoy..

"Ali ka Ele"

(Back ground Voice)This is the Story of a lucky Boy who lost his toy elephant and when he found it back, he found himself richer.

Rolling.....

Line 1.Cute boy Ali. On his 5th Bday, dad presents him with a Cute toy Elephant 'Ele'. Ele becomes Ali's most priced possession in d world.

Line 2.Ali takes Ele to school whr his frnds love Ele too. Raza likes Ele/decides to steal it. Aftr school he flicks Ele n runs away. Ali cries.

Line 3.Raza takes Ele home n shows it to his mom Rita, who is a Bar dancer/diamond smuggler.She thinks this toy is gud for smuggling diamonds.

Line 4.She cuts open Ele's belly/puts diamonds in it/sews it bk n' tks it to the bar to dance n meet a smuggler-kalia to exchange it fr money.

Line 5.In the Bar-Rita dances in disco lights."aaa,jaane jaan..ah ah" while eying Kalia.Kalia is Mucchad wit an eye patch.He winks at Rita to cm to him.

Lights brighten. Screen fadesINTERVAL...INTERVAL OVER.Lights dim. The Screen erupts back on
Line 6.Bk at schul,frnds tell Ali dat Raza has Ele.Ali tels dad who gos to Raza's home n asks him.Scared Raza says Mom hs Ele bt hs gone to work.

Line 7.Dad Goes to Bar/spots Rita with Kalia givin Ele to him. Dad confronts n demands Ele bk. Kalia whips out a pistol,points it at dad n says..

Line 8."Main Kalia hoon Saaliya.yeh le"n shoots.Dad ducks n Punches Kalia=Bishoom.Rita shrieks n flees. Kalia n dad fight-aa-bichoom,aa-bishum.

Line 9.Kalia is punchd out.Police raid bar.Kalia/Rita arrestd.Dad gts Ele bk home.Ali happy bt notices sewed Ele-belly.Opens it to find Diamonds.

Line 10.Dad Happy with Diamonds. Ele sewed bk. Ali happy. Villains in Jail-Police/Bar happy. Ali n' Ele live happily ever after ! :)

The End. Lights ON.

@yeh_kya speak - Thank you for watching my Movie. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it. Plz do comment so I know what you thought about the whole experience. I'd be greatful. Say Hi to me on twitter.
And thank you Anand for your generosity for letting me use this space.

@anandd29 speak - Thank you for watching the movie. Thanx @Yeh_kya, I liked your concept. It deserved a clap. Bring it on and keep rocking.
Everybody thank you for watching. This way plz...do come again. :)

Movie reporters surround you and ask YOU as you leave the venue -

"Sir, sir, could you plz tell us how the movie was? Did you like the concept?"
"Ma'am, did you like the fact that this was a very short movie and that your time was saved?
Were you entertained? How was the fight?
what did you liike the best?"
"Sir, ma'am, would you like more of such movies?"

Do comment.

"No Cows were harmed in the making of this movie". More movies are now in production...

Girl in the meadow rubbing her...

2010-10-17T03:22:00.016+09:00

C'mon now, take out your...
Guitar and sing along with me...yoo hooo....here we go...

There was an old farmer,who lived on a rock
He sat in the meadow jus shaking his......

FIST at some boys who were down by the brick..
Feeling the water, their hands on their....
MARBELS and play things and at half past four
There came a young lady who looked like a ...

PRETTY young preacher,she sat on the grass,
she pulled up her dress and she showed 'em her...

RUFFLES and laces and her white fluffy duck...
she said she's learning a new way to....

BRING up her children so they wud not spit,
while the boys in the barnyard were shovling the...

DIRT and the litter from yesterday's hunt,
while the girl in the meadow was rubbing her.....
EYES at the fellow down by the dock,
He looked like a man with the size of a...

HOME in the country with a big fence out front,
If he asked her for a night, she'd show him her...

LICKERISH dog that's subject to fits,
and maybe she'd let him grab hold of her small..
TENDER hands with her movements so quick
and then she'd bend over n' suck on his...

CANDY so tasty made of butter scotch,
and then spread whipped cream all over her...

COOKIES..she had left out on her shelf,
and if u think this is dirty,u can go 'FU**' Yourself...

Lol !! :)

Phishing - Wanna take the bait??

2010-08-28T20:27:00.022+09:00

(The photos below have NOT been sent by ICICI bank)

The Project Leader, Nihal Varechia, working for one of the popular Cellular companies in India, got an email one bright Monday morning. Simple, professional and up to the mark. It was apparently from his personal BANK that he had his accounts in.

The Email crisply stated:– (inset)
"Dear Customer

The Bank is currently updating its Online Security measures in order to serve you better. You are requested to update your Online account by following the reference below.

(The Phishing link-->)"Update your account"
Thank you
Customer Service"

“Ok Great”, Nihal thought. More security is better security.

He clicked on the link “Update your account” provided in the email and reached the page that showed the bank's logo, it's various details and other links that he would never click on and there were 2 spaces for him to input his user Id and Password. He had done this before, a few times. No worries.

Without any hesitation, choosing “credit card” as his menu option, he input his Credit card user Id and Password in the given spaces. Instantly, another screen greeted him, prompting for further information - “Credit Card Details”.

The innocent screen staring at him was urging him to input his Account number, ATM Card number, State, Zip, Phone number and email id.

“Well, all for security”, thought Nihal and input the details asked of him and hit on Enter. Suddenly, something went wrong. A new page came over that said..
“404 Error, Nothing found. Please try again.”
“Huh? Try again? What happened? Well, ok, What the hell” So thinking, Nihal refreshed his page to try again. He came over the same page once more and after putting all his details yet again, he hit enter. This time he got through.

He was now on the official ICICI login page and he was being prompted to Log in again. “Log in again?? But….what the HELL?? Are they Crazy??” Nihal, now frustrated just wanted to click on the “logout” button, instead could only see “Login”. Perplexed, he gave up and closed all pages related to the bank and got up from his node to have some fresh air while he sipped on hot tea.

Somewhere, not so far, sitting on his console was a dark looking man smiling from ear to ear. His teeth were bright enough to light up the semi dark, rented room that he was staying in. His trickery had found another victim.

The dark man was rubbing his palms, smiling satisfactorily looking at the private bank details of a fool by the name Nihal Varechia, as he recalled an age old maxim – “The fool and his wealth are soon parted”.

20 days later, Nihal received a Credit card statement and a Credit card Bill payment of Rs 100,000…that had been apparently used by him.

"PHISHING"
PHISHING is a criminally fraudulent process of attempting to acquire sensitive information such as usernames, passwords and credit card details by masquerading as a trustworthy entity (read website) in the electronic medium.

1. It is typically carried out by e-mail or instant messaging.
2. It often directs users to enter details at a fake website whose look and feel are almost identical to the legitimate one.
3. The phishing e-mail typically ask you to click a link to visit a Web site, where they are asked to update personal information, such as passwords and credit card, social security, and bank account numbers.
4. The Phishing link almost always shows an error message after the first log in attempt. This is just a scam so you think it happened by mistake. The truth is that the first time log in sends your login user id and password to a personal email id of the attacker. The 2nd time login drops you to the REAL website page so you don't detect you have just been cheated.

"How to spot a phishing scam"
If you receive emails with similar looking messages or alerts as given below, you need to be on an alert and double check it's authenticity.

"Verify your account"
Businesses should not ask you to send passwords, login names, Social Security numbers, or other personal information through e-mail. If you receive an e-mail asking you to update your credit card information, do not respond.

"If you don't respond within 48 hours, your account will be closed."
These messages convey a sense of urgency so that you'll respond immediately without thinking. Phishing e-mail might even claim that your response is required because your account might have been compromised.

"Dear Valued Customer."
Phishing e-mail messages are usually sent out in bulk and often do not contain your first or last name.

"Click the link below to gain access to your account."
HTML-formatted messages can contain links or forms that you can fill out just as you'd fill out a form on a Web site.
The links that you are urged to click may contain all or part of a real company's name and are usually "masked," meaning that the link you see does not take you to that address but somewhere different, usually a phony
Web site.

Lastly....Always look at the browser address bar - the space for website address usually at the top on your browser. It will reveal the REAL website you are on. if you think it looks even slightly dubious, stop.

A few Photos : What our protagonist Nihal Varechia should have verified:

Always look at the address bar for the real website name

Phishing site alert by an updated browser and computer security

Never give away your used id and Password without proper verification

Never provide your personal details to any one or any site without proper verification

JAAGO GRAHAK...JAAGO !!!

(The bank ICICI has NOTHING to do with fraud or phishing activities. The given photos are NOT sent by ICICI bank but by phishing attackers. These are real photos received by a Rediffmail user. This post is made as warning to it’s readers so they be aware of the phishing tricks.)

Jai ho, Indian Tourism..Jai ho...

2010-08-07T17:42:00.020+09:00

India is big on Tourism. Ya, Kashmir has become a war zone and is kinda lost in the game but I hope it picks up soon and things become calm and beautiful again.

We all have a general idea on what's goin' on there but it's beyond me on why it's taking unending whale years to resolve the issues. There is absolutely no excuse for it now. Our government seems helpless in it's efforts and no credible results have been borne yet. Wish we - the youth, collectively, could do something about it.Coming back to tourism though - I personally give big brownie points to our Tourism Bhai log for keeping up their efforts of showing a pretty picture of India to the World.

In-spite of having troublesome neighbors, in-spite of us going through hell from them, in-spite of us living in constant danger of internal and external terrorism, the people of the world somehow don't abandon us...in-fact they think nice about us. Isn't that great? And if that's not a sign of trust and protection that we offer, what is?

And in turn if we have their hearts, they will surely physically follow, wouldn't they?

Here's a fact...India is a dirty country and I mean filthy. Let's face the truth - dirt, muck, dust, things u don't wanna see, everywhere. Ours is NOT a clean country. Hygiene wise, we suck big time. Very shameful.

You step out of the country anywhere except a few Asian countries...and you will literally see heaven in terms of cleanliness. Whatever happened to Cleanliness is next to Godliness thingie? Oh ya I forgot, we aren't educated enough to know that or having ever read that. Education department guys, U listening??? Teachers, go punish them. Make then go stand against the wall and do sit ups.

So a little tip to the Tourism guys...if you somehow take care of the cleanliness factor.....yours will be the top rated department in the government with the highest of salaries ever. Think about that.

By the way...beautiful Woman Julia Roberts - Congratulations on becoming a Hindu. We all liked you before but now we embrace you. Welcome in our hearts.

Me - Boooosttt is the secret of my energy...
Tourism Industry - OUR energy..
Sachin - Aiillaa...Go get it !!! :) :)

Apple Transparent I-Phone

2010-07-15T16:13:00.004+09:00

Apple Drroooolll on baby...

This baby is transparent and converts it's outer appearance according to the weather! Check it out..

Being a Metro Sexual Male...

2010-05-28T03:27:00.016+09:00

I guess this post would prove that my thoughts lean towards the acceptance to what is popularly known as a "Metro Sexual Male". Well, at least it's worth looking into. After all, Men going to Beauty Parlors and Salons and taking care of their skin and body ain't so bad, is it?

Doesn't make any man less of a man in anyway, does it?

Yea, it does sound girly though. I mean, if tomorrow, one of my pals calls me up and says, "Hey dude, tomorrow's Saturday. How about if we get some manicure / pedicure done? Can you book an appointment in 'Rashmi ka Beauty Salon for HE' for us tomorrow?" ....

AAAaagghhhhhhhh
Naaaa....THAT is so Not happening. Hell No.

But this idea got me thinking on the "Why not?" way. So I figured the best way to begin with this is to begin with something that a man needs to be most comfortable with - his UNDERWEAR.

So, I surfed the good ol' NET and found some kool and chic lookin' pieces that I'm sure I myself would be wearing soon enough.

Check 'em out...yeh andar ki baat hai...

For Energetic Mondays: Spartan Undies for the fighter in you.

For Sexy Tuesdays: Making it HOT.

For Kool Wednesdays: Looks matter.

For Uberkool Thursdays: My favorite so far. For the Metro-Sexual male in you.

For weekend fore bringer Fridays: The tempting kool Hello-Kitty number.

For Party Hard Saturdays:The Red hot search for a kitty to dance with.

For Lazy Sundays at home: Something different yet chic in white.

Different color 'strokes'- For the emotional side of you.

When a woman shows you one, you wonder if she wants you to wear it or take it off. Women r confusing.

The trunk is added by the user. Wnk wnk*

Dear Lord, let this not be any man's future.

Yea, there were some real provocative and unwearable ones on the net too but I'd rather be practical than uncomfortable. Guys, What say?

BTW Ladies, how 'bout some opinion on if these would help us men...er...win you... in some way.....?? :) :) !!

The Mysterious Black Box

2010-05-22T16:15:00.017+09:00

[22/05/2010]
Air India Express Aircraft IX-892 from Dubai coming to Mangalore crashes on landing. At least 158 die. A massive tragedy.

But here, let's focus a bit on something else. The investigations of the Plane crash are 'on', even as this post is being written and there are uneven theories of the crash all over television. So far,no one knows the truth. Soon, they will be hunting for the "Black Box" to unravel the real mystery behind the crash.

So lets' focus a bit on the mysterious "Black Box" in this post.

Almost no one knows what a black box looks like. To us, it's more like the Block box. So here is some information on it that enhances and ups our knowledge on it a bit.

This is what a Black Box in a plane looks like.

The Black Box Internal

The Black Box:
1) In aviation terms, a black box is an Audio Recording Device placed in the cockpit of an airplane.

2) There are two "Black Boxes" on modern day aircraft. One is the Cockpit Voice Recorder (CVR) used to record cockpit, intercom and pilot to controller communications. The other is the Digital Flight Data Recorder (DFDR) used to record aircraft flight control inputs, flight parameters (speed, altitude, etc.) and system performance. The primary use for both is in accident investigations.

3) It is Orange in color. This is so it's easily identifiable.

4) This recording device costs roughly the same as a compact car would.

The black box can solve the mysteries of the plane crash. But it's also a fact that sometimes they can't find it.

So here are some basic questions relating to the box. Questions that a normal person like me with average sense would wonder about and ask...

* Why can't they make this thing wireless and connect it in such a way so they can download the data as it happens, at the Servers at base or anywhere else besides the plane itself?

* Why can't they have these boxes in smaller sizes thereby reducing the space of occupancy and the weight? After all, we do have flash drives and thumb drives of huge capacities, don't we?

* Why not attach a GPS device to it so it can be found on the computer beeper without going for a physical search for it...since it's highly important to have it on priority?

* Why can't they, for the lord of it, attach with it with a CCTV cam too so they can get the images as well? Don't they say "an image is worth a hell lotta words?"

Makes sense?? What are your thoughts? Can you add some more questions to these?

U and I, US...as in.. WE do the Air Travel and with this fresh case of a crash, it's evident that Air Travel is not 100% safe yet. Brrrrrr. And I don't see it happening in the near future either till the time questions such as above are answered.

This post is dedicated to the lost passengers of the Air India Express aircraft IX-892. God bless their souls.

Amazing Paper and Lego artistry

2010-04-18T17:45:00.013+09:00

Choose your favorite...

Amazing PAPER art
(Click on pics for larger display)

Paper art 1

Paper art 2

Paper art 3
Paper art 4
Paper art 5
Paper art 6
Paper art 7
Paper art 8
Paper art 9

Amazing LEGO art

Logo art 1
Logo art 2
Logo art 3

Logo art 4

Logo art 5
Logo art 6
Logo art 7
Logo art 8

Kudos to the talent.
(Pics have been picked up from www dot funsubstance dot com)

Glib Talking. How to shut people up - instantly.

2010-01-23T05:58:00.035+09:00

(Disclaimer:- The aim of this post is only to make one glib at talking. The numbers and percentages used are not true and mentioned only as examples. This post is not an encouragement to the reader to provide incorrect information to anybody, anywhere.)
Be confident when you blah..
It's easy if you know how.

Ok, so we talk. Professionally, with friends, colleagues, strangers, on the Internet, on Tv, Radio. It's a list of things. How many of us can claim to be the best speaker / talker among them all? Can You?

More often than not..there's always some smart alec who's taking the lead on the chat by talking glib, the loudest, the most and mostly aggressive. Isn't that so?? And you sulk. Well..'no taking the backseat no more'.

With this post...we aim to achieve the following:

1. When you talk, people listen.
2. When you talk - people are dazzled with the information you are able to provide.
3. No one can contradict your line of argument or talk / speech.. and...
4. You emerge as the next hero of the time when it comes to glib talking. The unbeatable.

So...Is this Possible? Do you think it is?? Word to word - the 4 points above?? Well, if you think it isn't - you are seriously under-estimating yourself.

THREE words for you - Yes you can !! Period. Let's proceed.

Know this - there's only one thing in this world that has the power to..
* baffle you by sheer numbers,
* puzzle you senseless by proportions,
* shock you speechless with predictions and percentage,
* get you tongue-tied.. and
* if You're using it, make you look like demi-God walkin on Earth.

And that thing is called...the MIGHTY "STATISTICS".

Stats...Stats.....Stats. Stats all the way. Do not underestimate it's power. It's virtually unbeatable.

Ok, first an EXAMPLE for you so you understand what the hell I'm even talkin' about. Read it patiently.
Example to understand:
Let's assume I'm standing in a group that is arguing on the country's population for the last 20 minutes, without any conclusion. The group is divided into two sub groups on 2 different arguments.
Group A* says: The population of the country will keep increasing for the next 20 years.
Group B* denies this and argues on the opposite.

Assuming we are on group A's side..If you were to talk about this..

Your answer would, most probably, be something like this...

"Well, you know, the government is not really doing anything about it. And the..uh..condom sale is not that much either, plus the awareness on the subject is not really much. We need to buck up and the government should do something about it...like a campaign or something. But since no one is doing anything about it, it will probably be on the increase. No stopping it."
(Yawn....average at best.)

Now the GLIB, statistical answer would be....

"Well, if you consider total land dimensions of the country.... it occupies around 2.3% of the Entire World area but carries roughly 12.3% of total world’s population.

If you include the probability factor.... India is expected to overtake China to become the world’s most populous country within the next 20 years. More than enough to prove that India has shown progressive signs of being over populated.

Determining the margin on error percentage.... I'd say if we are 1.17 billion now, the continuity will not stop unless strong steps are taken against it. Meanwhile we continue to grow.

Sample this.... the greatest concentration of ST members in 1991 lived in the states of AP-around 12.2 million, Tamil Nadu-15%, Bihar-18%, West Bengal-27% and UP-31% and the statistics are fast increasing by 2% every 3rd quarter of a year. Says a lot.

The means and the proportions are not the same always.... so I believe in all probability, the population will be on a rise, undoubtedly for the next 20 years."
Done.

WOW !!! (me taking a bow)

Quick questions to you:--

Were you Impressed by this answer?? - I'm sure you are. :-)
Does this shut you up instantly?? - I'd say yes it did, didn't it?
Do you stand a chance to argue on the above information with me? - Nope. I don't think so.
Can you cross check the data? - No, you can't. The aim was to dazzle you with statistics.
Is all this data correct? - NO idea. The aim was to stupefy you into speechlessness.
Where did the statistics come from? - All made up so you know I can talk and so you learn not to meddle with me ever again.

By the way... read the above example again and notice only the beginning lines of the paragraphs before the '....' . They are all made up by me. I have tried to fit them in such a way that they don't look conspicuous.

I have broken up the way we will answer and made it real easy on how to go about it. So how do you do it? let's go step wise:

This is the trick..
Step 1 - Use Big dictionary words
Step 2 - Use Statistics and percentages.. full on
Step 3 - Use Probability factor
Step 4 - Use Hypothesis and
Step 5 - Close your argument/talk with analysis of your talk in one line.
Step 6 - You can MIX and MATCH the above 5 steps anywhere, anytime in your conversation.

This is the break down of statements:

How to begin your statements;
Whenever you begin.... use the following given statements as your openers...either for the very beginning or for paragraphs in between.

* I believe the fact is....
* The best probability of the matter is...
* Sample this...
* If you Analise this, you will find that...
* If you include the probability factor...
* Determining the margin on error percentage, I'd say it is....
* The means and the proportions are not the same always so....
* Computing the fact that....
(Make up some more on your own.. I'm sure you can.)

The moment you begin with such statements, your audience subconsciously knows whatever is to follow is surely gonna be unarguable.

Use big synonyms of small words from the dictionary. This is the only point where I ask you to make a habit of picking up words from the News papers or Dictionary that are quite simple in meaning but not used commonly. And add them anywhere they fit in your conversation. Makes a difference.

That's It !!! I'm done.
Remember: This takes time. It will not be an over night miracle. But once you pick it up right..you yourself will be a miracle in no time.

Oh and by the way, if some smart alec tries to argue on your talk, you calmly ask him to prove you wrong instead. He won't be able to... cuz Statistics is percentage and percentage is not a real value number, u c? Just sit down and look as others shut him up for you. :-)

Now, I'm sure you have a lotta questions to ask. That's precisely why I have made TWO more examples for you to understand the way you can try to talk. Pick up the idea, the tone and the way it is spoken. Notice the beginning lines of paragraphs. Make up more on your own and let me know. Not difficult.

Example 1:

QUE: - How much money should a family use to budget itself?

ANS - Well, the fact is that no two families are alike, Spending varies by income level, Costs vary by region...etc. So no rules can be set on how much one has to spend.

If you include the probability factor, I'd say... that there are too many other reasons to make general assumptions in many categories.

Sample this.. The kinds of expenses the families have on a usual basis..are Food 7.7%, Alcoholic 1.0%, Housing 32.9%, Clothes 4.0%, Vehicles 9.1%,Gas 3.3%, Health care 5.9%, Entertainment 5.0%, Education 1.9%. etc. Too many.

And so if you Analise this, you will find that...the means and the proportions are not the same always. So it's difficult to say the least. Therefore it's best decided by the families on their internal basis.

But, If I were to make an educated guess, I'd say even if 45% of Indian families living in towns and 13% living in the villages make a daily habit of utilizing only 60% of their total income on monthly budget, we'd be better off in the next 10 years than we were in the last 10.
(If u can't get 'em, confuse 'em. Sounds genuine, eh? hehe)

Example 2:

QUE - Will India's economy power rise?

ANS - Well, India was under social democratic-based policies from 1947 to 1990. The economy was characterized by extensive regulations and, protectionism leading to pervasive corruption and slow growth. (*Big words done.)

Computing the fact that recent times have moved the economy towards a market-based system, it has high number of chances of a rise.

Determining the margin on error percentage, I'd say by 2009, India has established itself as the world's second-fastest growing major economy.

The best probability of the fact is that year 2009 saw a significant slowdown in India's official GDP growth rate to 6.1% but picked up by the end of the year.

So in all fairness in comparison to the World Economy, India is soon catching up and will rise at 7.5% rate of speed per month which is equivalent to the best in the world.
(Whew..takes energy to make things up.)

There !! All made up out of thin air.

What do you think? Hey, TWEET / ReTWEET if you liked it.
Now go..get 'em with your glib, Tiger.
Enjoy.

India announces $1 mn for Haiti

2010-01-18T16:02:00.021+09:00

The Haitian earthquake on January 12 was one of the worst in the last several decades in terms of the number of people killed. The earthquake was massive - 7.0 on the Richter scale, with at least three million affected and unofficial estimates placing the number of deaths at close to one lakh.

If you had the chance, how would YOU individually help in such a situation???

The following is a news extract from -
[http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/Story/79241/World/India+announces+$1+mn+for+Haiti;+says+CISF+personnel+safe.html]

India on Thursday announced a cash assistance of $1 million to earthquake-devastated Haiti for immediate and emergency relief purposes.

"India is deeply saddened at the death and destruction caused by the earthquake in Haiti on January 12, 2010. Government has also decided to give $1 million in cash to Haiti for immediate and emergency relief purposes," an external affairs ministry statement said here.

It said "communications with Haiti are currently difficult. However, it has been ascertained that all 140 personnel of the Central Industrial Security Force (CISF) deployed with the United Nations are safe. So are all civil police officers deployed with the United Nations Mission in Haiti."

The ministry was in contact with the Indian Embassy in Havana, which is concurrently accredited to Haiti, to ascertain the welfare of other Indian nationals who are presently in Haiti, it said.

*************

As an Indian, I am proud of the fact that we are in a state rich enough to help others in their time of need.

As an after thought, had it been our neighboring 'enemy' country (God forbid) or Australia (on racial attacks against Indians) for that matter, instead of Haiti, India would have been just as concerned.

This is what being human is all about. Way to go my country. I'm proud of being a part of you. I'm proud of being an Indian.

How can YOU help Haiti???
Hop on to these sites and take your pic.
1. UNICEF - For non-US citizens
2. UNICEF
3. CNN.COM
4. NOWPUBLIC.COM
5. NPR.ORG

(Plz tweet / retweet to let people know about these links.)

Once again..If you had the chance, how would YOU individually help in such a situation???

Also Read :-
How Twitter and Facebook helped HAITI - Twitter helps Haiti.

How to see your Future...God's traffic.

2009-12-14T18:35:00.049+09:00

Extended thinking. The more u think of the complexities and the working of God's mind, the more u respect him out of utter disbelief in his knowledge and foresight of things he created.

He made everything? That's huge.
I have a small iddy biddy feeling though. I think he's had help. Maybe like Santa and his team of Elves?

OK, I really do think God has a team. Yep !!
A Galaxy class team made up of the super greatest in every field possible ever born...made.

So God and his team worked together and made Earth. As if that wasn't unbelievable enough..they went ahead and invented their best creation yet - the highly functional yet the ultra fragile - "Man" !!

But hold it, this is not what I'm talking about. Sure.. making Earth and Man was brilliant..BUT the way they planned on how to connect Earth with MAN and vice-versa is what is utterly unbelievable, highly unimaginable and pure, raw genius.

The Creative God mode team went into thinking on:
a. How MAN is to be made keeping the connect as the focus.
b. How he is to be linked to the world that he will be staying in.
c. How that link will be an Open Secret (like a source code) for any man to understand if he chooses to see out of the box.
and
d. How that link can provide him a futuristic view of his own life at a later stage and how to deal with it.

No get? You will. Have patience. Read on..

Ok, so they all sat together and hit upon an idea.They thought...Hey why don't we make man like we made Earth and make him in such a way that he is actually the best reflection of the world itself within and outside?

They meant...that they wanted man to be and to have the literal, physical world within himself. They intended man to look at his own self and then look at anything in the world or the world itself as a whole and think...Hey, this is me too.

A bit toughie again??
Arightie..this is really unexplainable unless explained by an example.

So here's one. Something that we all are aware of and see it everyday.
That example is TRAFFIC !!

God and his engineers meant man to one day in his life, at any stage or age to look at the Road and it's traffic and think that his own life is actually nothing but it's very Reflection.

The similarities in Traffic and one's life are too many to be mere coincidences and way too many to be jotted down here. So I'll put in jus' a few and I know you will figure out the rest yourself and know wot I'm getting at.

Here's what God and his creative team wanted us to see one day:

Traffic and You:

Traffic - You begin somewhere.
Life - You are born.

Traffic - You have to go in a vehicle.
Life - Your soul gets a body as a vehicle.

Traffic - You have to go in a particular direction.
Life - You grow

Traffic - You have to maintain the vehicle to keep going. The better u maintain it, the better the performance of the vehicle.
Life - You workout to stay fit and healthy. The better u care for Yourself, the healthier u get.

Traffic - You have to make regular stops for gas.
Life - You have to eat at regular intervals to keep your energy up.

Traffic - You sometimes pamper Ur vehicle with accessories or shines.
Life - You pamper yourself..do I need to explain how??

Traffic - The road sometimes gets irritatingly uneven or downright patchy so u just can't drive. Yet..since you have to reach somewhere, you have to keep going.
Life - Life sometimes gets you into situations that jus' can't be helped. You have no choice but to keep going somehow.

Traffic - The road is sometimes extremely uphill, and at times too smooth.
Life - Sometimes in life you experience the worst hardships ever and at times everythin' works like a charm.

Traffic - Sometimes you get a red light at every signal that makes you stop. You try cutting it and u risk getting caught and pay the fine. And sometimes it's green light all the way...go figure.
Life - Sometimes u miss chances by a hair-breath every time u try. Your luck doesn't support u. While sometimes your name precedes you and you're sailing smooth waters.

and finally.....

Traffic - The road has 2 sides. One to come and one to go.
Life - You are born and you.....die. The vehicle is the same.

In other words, mentally and physically , MAN is an exact replica of the world at large itself yet....not quite so. Not unless you see it that way. How brilliant is that??

Do u see the futuristic approach and thought of the creator and his team? Do u realize the magnitude of the crazy genius work that must have gone into making us?? Oh mah Gawd !!!

Wanna see your future???
Observe Traffic around you. That's YOUR life. Figure it out.

And I now leave you with this thought....

Is it really mere coincidence that the Earth is made up of 70% of water and SO..ARE...WE???

You know of some more of God's amazing mysteries??? Tell me here. I would like to know.

26/11 : One Voice - Will it ever be yours???

2009-11-21T20:00:00.020+09:00

I am an Indian - a common man but in no sense 'average'.

I find myself in the blue room of a venue that is holding political speeches. I hold a special pass issued to non-political party persons acquired to get some photographs and autographs of some of the affluent gathered.

The next political member is late for his speech and it will take at least 10 minutes for him to reach the dais. The crowd is a 1000 strong. 5 minutes of nothing on stage in front of such an overwhelming crowd could result in restlessness and 10 could cause damage.

They pick me up off the blue room in a hurry and put me on stage to entertain the crowd with anything I can. My orders are clear - "Do whatever you want to, just occupy them for 10 minutes."

And there I was - suddenly facing the huge crowd.

I have no entertainment agenda in my mind. 26/11 approaches, I visualize the graphic scenes of the Taj Carnage and adrenaline rushes in, takes me over and I let out all that was bottled up for years.

I take the mike. I look at the 1000 pairs of eyes staring back at me, clench my jaws, part my dry lips and let the words come out in slow but sure footings........
.
.
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"GOOD EVENING...", I utter.

The BOOM of my 2 words ring across space and I sense the sudden silence in the crowd as I wait for a few seconds for them to settle down and focus on me...and then I go on..

My name is not important. The color of my skin, my life style or what religion I follow are not as important as my nationality is. I....am an Indian and I am your brother. So hear this:

All across India, something is stirring. What the Politicians of our country never want to acknowledge is that it has never been about them - It has always been and is - about Us. Us - the people of the country.

Even as I speak, there are those, across our borders, devising plans to divide us. There are those who embrace the leadership of "kill to achieve" and thrive in their thoughts of pushing us - you and me - back to dark ages, poverty and slavery.

This I say to them...Beware: This is not an old country in chains anymore. You are now looking at a New India. The India with intelligence and strength enough to protect itself and standards to beat any other. So either you accept us as a force to recon with or upgrade your own standards.

Time has changed. This is not a Hindu India, not a Muslim India, not a Marathi or a Bhaiyaa India anymore.
To those who see it in such a light are to be pitied, for in this erroneous belief, they themselves become a target by evil that is eager to once again try the 'divide and Rule' within us.

The only India that is now and one that we choose to have is the one that is UNITED in diversity - like the 5 fingers of one hand. We fight and we swear, we cry and we share. But we behave like a family.

My dear India,
DON'T we collectively become sad as a nation when we lose a match?
DON'T we shed a silent tear when our Soldiers lay down their lives for us?
DON'T we hold our heads high in pride when one of us makes our country proud?
DON'T we come together as one in Joy when we celebrate our diverse festivals?

YES we do !! Physically divided by states - Emotionally United by the Tri Color.

But what about the basics?
When you see a hungry child begging on the street?

I ask the so-called caretakers of this Nation...and in the same breath to YOU and my own self..

How can you allow this kind of suffering ?
How can you allow this kind of hopelessness to exist in our country?
With a billion thinking heads, is poverty an impossible monster that can't be wiped out?

Can we afford to lose the generation of tomorrow's doctors, leaders, scientists and teachers to poverty? Can we?

What is that belief that keeps us going? It's a belief that we live in a country that gives us our freedom of choice. Each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives as we will.

Remember 26/11 - when Mumbai was Raped??
Were you there to light the candles at the citizen Peace march?? Or did you just see it on TV? The souls of the dead must have expected you to be there with them....one last time. Were you there??

Without saying much about that ghastly RAPE....
I only urge the stronger hands of our elders and leaders to hold us tight and tell us that they will not let go the next time.

In the worst of the storm,
in the fieriest of the rains,
let those that are in power join hands tighter than the grip of mountains and surround us with their protective shield and keep us safe.
when we need them the most....let those hands pledge to be there to protect and guide us in our times of need.

India, we cannot turn back now. we must pledge once more. Pledge to march proudly into the future, our heads held high.

Make a promise to make a change.

Change will happen when we come together as one and demand:
New ideas,
New Politics,
New responsibilities
New accountabilities and
New approach towards the bright future that we march for.

Let us make that change.
And that Change does not have to come from India. Instead, it has to come TO India. WE......are that change.

ONE voice can make a difference.

One voice can change a room.
if it can change a room, it can change a City.
if it can change a City, it can change a State.
And if it can change a state, it can change a Nation.

AND IF it can change a NATION......IT CAN CHANGE THE WORLD !!!

YOUR ONE VOICE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD !!
(but will it ever be yours?)

God bless Mother India !!! JAI HIND !!!
-
-
-
-
-
And....they ask me to come back as I see the next speaker ready for his speech. I realize I had taken exactly 9 minutes and a few seconds to let my feelings out. And I suddenly wondered - how can something bottled up for years be told in mere 9 minutes and a few seconds?

"Thank you for bearing with me" - I silently tell the open eyed faces and clapping hands and I head off the dais and for home.

(This blog post is a work of fiction. The intention of this write-up is not to hurt anyone's sentiments in anyway whatsoever. The photographs are for representation purposes only.)

Super Lovable Oldies...SLO !!

2009-10-28T02:46:00.014+09:00

Presenting.......The Lovable Oldies..........
But first....A lil poem to get you started on the smiles...
.
.
Old and Can't Remember :

Just a line to say I'm living, that I'm not among the dead,
though I'm getting more forgetful and mixed up in the head.

I got used to my arthritis, to my dentures I'm resigned,
I can manage my bifocals but God I miss my mind,

For sometimes I can't remember, when I stand at the foot of the stairs,
if I must go up for something or have just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often, my poor mind is filled with doubt,
have I just put food away or have I come to take some out?

So, remember that I love you and wish that you were near
but now it's nearly sleep time so I must say good-bye dear.
:-) :-)

And now....Behold..........

The Wonder Woman: Not much wandering now
Thor : Beer does have it's moments
Superman : Can fly but won't..uh..can't..
Spiderman : No Comments

Batman & Robin : Running to retire
Barbie : The horror story

And last but not the least...

Tweety : Outliving the Cat by 9 lives

And now jus' to play it fair, if anyone of the above were to use a phrase on their own...uhh...'situation' - this would most probably be it -

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." *Wink* ;->

This is Your story. Blockbuster in the making...

2009-08-29T17:41:00.054+09:00

Welcome, O' high and might story teller.
Your fame precedes you. We are talking to you. Yea YOU - the famous yarn spinner of all times!!
This is the story so far. Read it. The rest..you have to create..should you choose to accept the assignment. If you do not, we stand to lose the $15,00,00,000 and our faces. Your 40% cut will be delivered to your bank account number as usual.
We assume your acceptance. Till the completion of the assignment, you shall go by the code name, 'Chote Miyaan 007', shhh. Best of luck !!

The story so far...

Yusuf Baig Ali Mohammad had just done with with his afternoon namaz and was making his way back to his clothes shop in the mid of the market, Delhi.

Harshwardhan Ganatra was a sales guy in a multi national company in Hydrabad. He had rushed home for his lunch like he did everyday. His mind revolved around his new big sales opportunity in the coming week.

Irabai Shilke, a maharashtrian, worked as a house help for a rich punjabi family in Mumbai. She sat in the drawing room chopping vegetables for the lunch that needed to be prepared that afternoon.

And quite far...away from the humdrum of city life, at the same time, on the mighty Himalayas, Lijoe and his 3 friends had jus settled down quite tired on a snow plain after having climbed some fifteen feet at a stretch. All lads of around 26 of age, had decided to go mountain climbing, having eyed this as a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Gathering their harnesses and pick axes, they gleefully clicked photographs of the beauty all around knowing those photos would be the talk of the town among their friends and family once they reach back home. It was snowing lightly and the wind was picking up. Lijoe and his friends decided to halt where they were and call it a day. By late evening, they had built a makeshift tent and settled down with ready tea and coffees, in their warm air bags.

Soon it had become night and everyone had dived into their bed and snored away to glory....except for Lijoe. The wind outside had picked up it's pace and Lijoe could hear it's sharp whistles. Sometime passed and sleep still deprived Lijoe.

Suddenly he heard a noise outside...near the tent. The noise sounded like the hmmm of a blowing fan or someone humming rapidly. His friends slept on with blissful ignorance. Lijoe popped his head out of the tent to look around. The humm still being there, he put on his warm heavy coat, hung his camera around his neck and got out of the tent to check the source of that mysterious hmm.
As he stood up in the snow, with the wind hitting him on his face, he looked around. It was very dark, frightening and somehow the place seemed hostile. He walked around his tent cautiously for he thought the humm might have been that of a bear nearby. But he could see nothing..yet the feeling of something odd persisted and the humm stayed on.

And then...he saw. He saw a light. It came from the other side of the rocks not so far away. It was a dim and a different kind of light...or it seemed so.. from where he stood. Something seemed to cover it. He realized it was from a cave.....a naturally formed cave that had gone unnoticed by them so far. But this was too far up on the mountain for anyone to be living and no one had informed them of any other group of mountain climbers that week.

The cave didn't seem too far away from him to have a look at. And if there was light, it stood to reason there was a human inside. He decided not to alarm his sleeping friends and check it out himself. ..............
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WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.......??

So Chote Miyaan 007, this is where you takeover. Spin the yarn, o' story teller and spin it good. Use your powers of imagination. We rely on you.

Remember : With great power comes great responsibility and shit.
Best of luck.

Rules:
A. Only 3 lines of story per comment. Non-story comments are always welcome as usual.
B. Plz copy the 3 lines of story from the comment above yours and add it to yours in your comment. So the story will proceed as per each comment...doubling with each one.
C. No limit to comments (story lines). You can keep at it.
D. UPDATED STORY WILL BE POSTED, AS IT COMES, AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST BELOW.

E. And... most importantly. HAVE FUN O' great yarn spinner..! :-) :-)

***********************

Updated story contributed by 007 via COMMENTS :

(Tanvi)
He walked carefully in the dark, trying not to slip or make noise. He obviously didn't want to scare away anything or anyone , if there was any. Soon he approached the cave and somehow there was a little warmth emerging from the cave..

(Avdi)
He looked into the cave and saw a tall man. He was dressed in white and had a long beard and emanated light. Lijoe was transfixed while the creature slowly turned and fixed his beam like eyes on him.

(Self Proclaimed...)
Lijoe suddenly realized that the beam like eyes were actually the sunlight in his room and that he was late for the mountain climbing, knew would be screwed later on, so he went back to sleep as normal people do on their offs.

(Me)
On 2nd thoughts he realized, it was dead of the night, he was wide awake and facing real danger. This creature was as real as they came. Was this...what they called a YETI - the monster of the mountains, spotted by monks a long time back??
Lijoe shivered. Whatever the mystery of he light, he had to first get out of this place and alert his friends. The creature was still staring at him menacingly.

(Self Proclaimed...)
but no, the Yeti died 100000 years ago when his great great great great great grandfather slaughtered it (?) during the famous fight of "Man and Yeti 1546". He fiddled with the medal which was given to his great great great great great grandfather by the then King "Chi Huan" for slaughtering that beast! No, that thing with beam like eyes has to be the great great great great great grandson of the yeti and great great great great grandson of Big Foot. It has to be "The Lochness Monster (Gasp!)

(Me)
All that may be true", he thought. But rite now it was a great time to - Panic. So, he put his palms on his cheeks, screamed loud like a woman, turned and ran like hell. He just had to get back to his tent since one of his friends was an expert on the Lochness Monster.

(Self Proclaimed...)
And scream he did. Like a woman who was denied her chocolate, he screamed. The scream was loud that Yusuf Baig Ali Mohammad nearly collapsed on the Streets of Delhi, Harshwardhan Ganatra temporarily rendered brain damage in which he forgot about his new sales deal and Irabai Shilke cut her finger while chopping vegetables. But his Lochness Monster expert friend refused, simple REFUSED, to wake up from the dead. But little did the world know that the above three mentioned people had the power to destroy the monster. So hitching up their Pj, business suit and 9 yard Saree (respectively) they ran towards a water body and like one dipped their special rings in the water and were transported to right in front of the screaming Lijoe. He almost fainted with this 2nd shock.

(Me)
Lijoe was stunned at all that was happening to him all of a sudden...ever since he had seen the light. But he suddenly realized why these crazy things were happening to him. He had a pretty good idea why all hell was breaking loose rite in front of his eyes.

(Avdi)
He remembered that the light that was emnating from the ggggggrandson of YetiLochNessMonster that his ggggggrandfather had killed was actually a signal. His subconscious had registered it BUT he was slow to understand. It was telling him that the planet earth was facing a great danger that only Lijoe could avert.

(Me)
"MY PLANET EARTH IN DANGER?? ", thought Lijoe. "Not in a 1000 years. Not when I am still alive. I guess now it's time for - The greatest Super Hero - 'Monster fighter Lijoe-man' to make an entrance." And so thinking, he looked for a telephone booth somewhere nearby to change his getup in a hurry....

(Sakshi)
He turned frantically around and saw a telephone booth hanging upside down at the back of the mysterious cave. He rushed towards it and yanked opened the door and what he saw inside made him scream out for Jesus H Christ....Inside curled up was a creature who looked like half a frog from the waist down and above the waist line was that of a handsome prince with his crown screwed tightly over his head.
Readers please welcome the character of the BLogprince ;)

(Imp's Mom)
Stunned Silence. Then realization dawns... Another Superhero? and then starts the race to save the planet earth. And too bad they cant work together cause they Hate each other.

(Sakshi and Me - at the same time)
Lijoe thought the chilling snow was playing a trick on him and to check if he was dreaming, he whacked his butt. A scream escaped his mouth before he could stifle the sound of pain caused upon himself. The sound was enough to stir up the sleeping BLOGPRINCE.
He knew for sure somehow, that he hated this another superhero...the first time he saw him. he didnt have to wackhis butt again for that. So without formal introductions, Lijoe man asked Blogprince, "Hey dude, wot r your powers? WOt can u do?" BlogPrince replied, "Dude, U can call me Prince for short, chill out. And cant u fuckin see my legs?? I can jump tall buildings in a single leap. Im a born leader. Enuff about me. What can YOU do?? "

(Imp's Mom)
Me?? *thud* I dunno! I just realized I am A SuperHero. WOW!

(Me)
The prince further said, "Lijoe-Man, know any good plastic surgeon, who's like 'in the budget' so to speak?? After this thing is over, I wanna get my legs fixed."

(Workhard)
Lijoe could think of only one person.. this kind hearted brain surgeon who specializes in amputation too.. Dr WOO.. and she d be happy to help.. sarcastic though.. in the 'Prince's budget'.... she would be willing to do it for free!!!!! Would the prince be ready for a consultation?Hmmmmm

(Me)
But he decided, he wudn't want any other man to go thru wot he himself did with Dr Woo. So he said, "Nahh, I don't know any surgeon really. But I do know though, wotever u do, do not go to any doc by the name 'Dr Woo'. And don't u know the concept of yellow pages, man? Find one in there. Now...stay still and let me see wot Earth shattering problem we have come across this time". So saying, Lijoe-man walked bravely deeper into the cave. He didnt know wot awaited him inside.

(Avdi)
What the BLOGPRINCE did not know was that he was this way because he was only half kissed by a princess, he needed another half kiss from the same princess, not some surgeon. Anyhow, LIJOE had to go save the world and needed to find HIS powers. So he went deeper in the cave and found the telephone booth shining like a lovely beacon.

(Me)
"Damn, another telephone booth?", thought Lijoe-man. "Either there are a lot of Superheroes who come here for quick getup changes or it seems some telephone company is involved. Ah hah !! I'm getting somehwere." Though he hated the Prince for some unknown reason, Lijoe-man thot he should ask the Prince to call his people to surround the cave. Backup was needed.

(Avdi)
LIJOE told the Blogprince to get help and meanwhile stepped into the phone booth. He found himself turning into a huge big TWITTER. "Shit!", he thought, "we are all connected to www, so surely the danger lies with the dreadful anti-www which is planning to DISCONNECT THE WORLD, HOW HOW HOW AWFUL." Blogprince tore his mind away from his deformed lowers and used his mind for a change, YESSS, he came to same conclusion as LIJOE-TWITTER and promptly put up an emergency post. LIJOE-Twitter Twitted mightily with all his powers and soon there were swarms of twits who rose up from the wires and zoomed towards the caves in the upper reaches. Blogrolls were rolling the information of the imminent threat to www in huge waves, and rolling towards the caves.

(Me)
"Drat, not a single sensible reply? Who lets these dimwits get connected to the Net anyways - especially Twitter?", thot Lijoe-man. Meanwhile, The Blogprince had used his powers of leap, hop and skip and had leaped onto the nearest village on the mountains. He gathered a few non English speaking people on yaks and got them to surround the Cave. And twitted a reply t Lijoe-man, inside the cave that backup was now ready. Wot's the plan??

(Me)
And..instantly the Blog prince got a reply back frm Jijoe man. This was teh precise, word to wrd reply, " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA". The Prince cudnt understand at all. And twitted back saying, "F##k man, come on out and explain this hahaha."

(Self Proclaimed...)
Selfie said "Lijoe replied back saying, "hahahahahahahahahahhahaha, i cannot. i am laughing too hard! ROFLMAO""

(Me)
"Ya, everyone thinks he is a comedian. I guess the REAL superhero has to do the real work" thought the Prince and hoped a huge hop into the cave to find out for himself. So hop hp he went and soon he was standing next to the laughing Lijoe man. And when finally the Prince saw wat lay in from of them...the reason why Lijoe cudnt stop laughing...he understood everything. The Prince cudnt help smile too but then said in his low commanding voice, "OK, very funny but..time to end this."

(Me)
And suddenly.......one of his sleeping friends shouted something...in his sleep. The shout awoke Lijoe. He was still in his tent.
He turned on the lights, looked at the Superhero Comics he had been reading before he slept. Setting them aside, he smiled, took on a big breath and thought aloud - "Ahh, WOTA DREAM...IF ONLY I WAS A SUPERHERO.....Sighhhh"

He saw his friends sleeping peacefully and switched off the light once again.

XXXXX ---- THE END ---- XXXXX

How to win such bets..

2009-08-10T15:49:00.021+09:00

Last month, we were invited to a convention on entertainment in one of the posh hotels in town. So 3 of my friends and me went over, expecting some tips of the wise.

The place was great. Big auditorium, rich looking people, page 3 women etc. A crowd of around 80.

We looked out of place with our hair lookin' like it's forgotten wot gravity means. One of my friends looked at all of us, lifted his shoulders in a 'matter of fact' way and said, "Hey, it's how u are that matters, not how u look, rite?" and all of us nodded in a hurry. Thanx to whoever originally made this senseless phrase.

So things leveled, we sat down for the convention with other people, our ears all receptive. And when it started...well...the less said about it the better. Watching a snail glide is more fun.

Finally when it was break time a.k.a lunch time, everyone rushed to get up and get out of the place. Some even for lunch actually. And us.. we rushed to the pissitorium to relieve ourselves.

That done, we decided to skip it and head for Pizza-hut or someplace....but one of my friends had an evil idea. He said, "Hey, before we leave, how bout a BET?? I jus' got a grt idea. Wot say?"

We wanted to know more. So he said "Listen u guys, this place is all screwed up and yawn boring, rite? How 'bout some fun then? So I'm BETTING anyone of u to mix around with a few people here and crack at least 5 of the worst jokes u can think of and if they laugh on any 3 of them, I'll pay 100 bucks... rite here, rite now. Who's up for it?" So saying, he smiled a wicked wide evil smile.

Now THAT was a BET if I'd ever heard one and I could instantly remember at least 3 stupid jokes even as I smirked. I wondered which one of us would do it.

Everyone was looking at everyone and then suddenly everyone.....was looking at ME.

I stared back. "WOT?? Hey, wo wo wo woahhh not me guys, I'm not doin it". They kept staring at me, their smiles gettin bigger by the second. For the next 5 minutes, I was cajoled, pleaded with, tempted, threatened and even blackmailed into doing it. Sighh..blackmail got me.

So it was ME then. I had no choice.

Mixing in a group was no big task. I mixed around in a group of 7 having their lunch on paper plates on a buffet. My friends, pretending to be a group stood quite close to mine pretending to make some stupid conversation...knowing pretty well wot to expect in the next few minutes.

So I made myself a bit comfortable in the group introducing myself and nodding at wotever crap they were talking about. Suddenly, I said in an attention grabbing tone, "Hey, to be honest, this convention is so boring, man. I mean, the only best part about it is this lunch, wot say you all?" And to my s'prise everyone agreed. This was a good sign.

So before anyone in my group could start any new topic, I cracked my first big one. I had decided on one liners.
I cracked about the guy who had made that boring speech on the podium. I said "If I meet that guy, I'd tell him that the last thing I wanted to do with him was hurt him. But it wud still be on the list." They let out a small laugh. I scored.

Not a bad opener. I had to crack only 2 more and I would win.

While I was on the topic of the guy on the podium, I cracked another one almost immediately, "And If I were to agree with all he had to say, we wud both be wrong." Everyone laughed louder this time and I was into the character of the man talking 'matter of fact way' looking quite serious.

Two down, one to go. Hell yeah !!

My friend made an air sign of one more. Yea I knew. I had so far made a grt opening. My friend who had laid the bet...looked dull.

The next 10 minutes dragged on and I had cracked 2 more one liners, one after the other. And they both bombed badly. Not even a slight smile. The only smile that I cud see was on my bet laying friend's lips.

This was bad and I was thinking hard on what to do next. I had only one chance left and I had to make it count. Of all the dumb jokes in the world that I have read in emails, Joke sites, heard from my friends, colleagues...I cudn't remember one single, darn one. Pathetic !!

And then, just as suddenly.... one popped up in my mind. I remember it was real pathetic yet I had laughed myself silly on it that time and I was sure these dumb heads would too. I came rite down to desperation and announced "Hey, anyone wanna hear a joke?" I think someone had nodded by mistake and off I went...

I cracked...
"Two zebras are talking, rite?
One asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or am I white with black stripes?"
The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."
So that night he prayed and God replied, "You are what you are."
The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are."
The second zebra responds, "Then You MUST be white with black stripes or else God would have said, 'Yo is what yo is, man!'"

No sooner I had finished saying it...I started laughing at my own joke. I had burst out laughing when I had heard it before and I was doing it again. I really did find this joke funny. With by now watery eyes, I looked at the people round and saw everyone having a confused look on their faces. Not a single one o' them had even smiled. I think the fuckers hadn't got the joke at all.

But, oh man, I was at the point of no return. The dumb faces of the people looking at me made me laugh even more. I was so lost that I had to sit down on the chair behind me to control my paining tummy and give it a rest. After about a minute or so of my uncontrollable laughing.....I looked up. I had thought since I had lost, I might as well get up, thank everyone and leave but wot I saw surprised the hell outta me. Everyone was laughing now. Some smirked. But yea....everyone had their teeth out wide looking at me.

I had got it. I had done it. They had finally got the joke. I had successfully cracked 3 jokes and made people laugh. I had WON. Wooopieee. I had EARNED those damn 100 bucks.

I looked over at my group and they were laughing too with high fives on. I got up, apologized for my stupidity and said thanx to everyone for being chilled out and bid adieu to them. They still had huge smiles and smirks on their faces. I went over to my group and everyone high-fived me and we went out of the convention hall of the hotel.

Once out I demanded, "Pay up" to my friend. He said, "Dude, I don't know if I should." I didn't understand. But one of my other friends argued, "hey, it stands to argument on what they really laughed on. U can't say they didn't laugh at the joke. So he deserves his 100 bucks. Pay up man."

I was lost. I asked them straight forward on wot the argument was all about. Wot else wud they be laughing on if not at my joke?? Wot my friends told me next has now become a big joke by itself and more fodder for blackmail.

One of my pals explained,"Dude, remember they weren't laughing when u had cracked the last joke?" I nodded. And then you sat down and they started laughing? I nodded again. "Well dude, it wasn't the joke they were laughing on. It was on YOU." "Me? Howz that?" I asked, trying to think back and figure it out.

"Well, u remember we had gone to take a piss?" "Ya so?", I asked in a hurry to know the answer. He answered finally, "So....dude, when u sat on the chair - your zip got wide open....STILL IS. U never ZIPPED your pants up, man !!"
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I realize how I musta looked. Stupid guy with his zip open without realizing it and laughing like crazy. Well, I got the 100 bucks nevertheless. But I'm more aware of my post office now!!

Cmon humor me - tell me the worst joke you ever heard. I'll let u know if I laughed. :-)

Clear and present danger - Reason unknown.

2009-07-31T04:54:00.032+09:00

What if YOU were there?

City : Tikrit, Iraq - 100 miles Northwest of Baghdad. Home town and former strong hold of the 'allegedly' late Saddam Hussein.
General Population : Fast decreasing.
Armed forces in the City : Combined UN forces believed to be double the size of total city population.

UN forces ops are pre-warned of the hostile nature of the locals on assignment Tikrit. Alert Code Red on suicide bombers is active 24/7 in and around the city.

Friday : The day of Juma Prayers.
Time : 7:15 pm.

Privates Santiago, Anderson and Martinez were on Patrol duty on their military assigned MUV, having got their orders from their base Camp TI-21 that morning. Their vehicle was recently armed and mounted with a counter-IED (Improvised Explosive Device) that had the 3 privates feeling a bit safer out on hostile streets. (Counter-IED is a new technology that jams enemy radio signals making it impossible for hidden attackers to detonate explosives.)

Santiago lead the team of three. Their primary assignment - to make random checks on vehicles passing by for any suspicious movements or activities. They had on their backpack a list of men identified internationally as known and wanted terrorists on the run - both active and sleepers.

Active terrorist camps were being identified in Iraq and raided on continuous basis but it was the sleepers that held real trouble.

Therefore, the 2nd assignment for the privates was to click the photographs of the occupants of the vehicles if they looked suspicious in anyways whatsoever and do an immediate photo back-check with base for identification and clearance. This required them to be on alert their entire duty time.

An hour had passed and they were moving from place to place - their weapons on check and ready. Tikrit had a tendency of utilizing guerrilla warfare to the core. The Privates weren't taking any chances.

Time: 9:30 pm.
The privates stopped their vehicle and got out to do some barricade checking. Two barricades were put up and each vehicle stopped and checked. Private Anderson took the side of the road that had incoming traffic and the other 2 privates, the outgoing. Every vehicle stopped was assumed to be laden of weapons and occupants armed and dangerous. They parked their own MUV on the side of the road with Counter-IED on the ON mode.

Every vehicle they stopped, they had all it's occupants ordered out on gun point and their vehicle checked. This was routine and the soldiers did their job efficiently. Due apologies were mentioned if nothing was found and their identification was clean.

Private Anderson saw a red colored vehicle approach on his side of the road. He kept an eye on the vehicle to see if there's any sudden suspicious reaction from the occupants in the car. As the car closed in, he noticed the people inside.

It was a family. A man driving the vehicle, a woman by his side in the front and two good looking kids around 5 or 6 of age - both boys, in the back seat.

But, family or no family, the car was going to be checked. The vehicle was approaching at normal speed indicating nothing out of the ordinary. Privates Santiago and Martinez had not seen the vehicle yet. They were busy flagging and checking the vehicles coming from the other side of the road.

Anderson's side had only that one red car approaching. The car moved at a steady speed. But just as suddenly.....it stopped....at least 30 feet short of Anderson for reason unknown.

Anderson couldn't comprehend any usual reasons like a puncture or Tyre burst for the car to stop. Yet, the driver had seemingly decided to do just that.

"Uh oh...this is not good", Anderson thought. He got his hands on his assault rifle on instinct and aimed it at the vehicle. What he saw next confirmed the fact that he was right. This was definitely a problem car. He saw the driver and the woman get out from the front in a hurry and reach to the back of the car and then break into a sudden run in the opposite direction in a straight line.

They ran straight in such a fashion that the car sat directly in between Anderson and them. They were being cunningly smart and were avoiding being shot.

What Anderson didn't really understand was the reason for their sudden dash especially when their children were still in the vehicle. The two boys had confusion written all over their innocent faces.

Anderson shouted for the running couple to stop.
His shout got the attention of his mates - Martinez and Santiago. They let a car go by un-checked on their side and started immediately to reach Anderson. But Anderson had left his position. He was now walking briskly with his Assault Rifle - aim ready near his eyes, towards the red vehicle. He anticipated more trouble for some reason. His primary aim, though, was to get the children out of the car first.

Santiago and Martinez reached where Anderson was a minute back. From their new position they could see the car with the boys inside, Anderson rushing towards it and also the couple running in the distance. This definitely looked disastrous.

Santiago was known to be the most alert among the 3. He was also known to be a street-smart soldier with impeccable survival instincts. Santiago's brain took on the situation in a second and his instinct came to fore like a blast.

By this time, however, Anderson had broken into a run towards the car, armed with his fire-ready rifle. It wouldn't take more than a minute for him to reach it.

Time was not a luxury here. Santiago had had an instinct and his brain computed on what had the highest possibility of happening here. And if his instinct was going to be right, time was almost lost. There was only one chance and Santiago took it.

He shouted his command to Anderson on the top of his voice, from where he was, in the most threatening way he could - "SOLDIER, STOP !! Don't move an inch." Anderson heard it and stopped dead on his tracks. But even before he could turn to see Santiago and understand the reason to have been given this command, he heard another command the very next instant - "GET DOWN. NOW !!".

Soldiers are taught to act on the spur, more-so on such tense situations. When you hear such commands, you don't think, you DO. If you don't, you die. Period. This was survival basics. Anderson immediately jumped as far away from the vehicle as possible and threw himself to the ground in a large thud.

As Anderson was throwing himself to the ground, so were Santiago and Martinez. It had been barely a second since the soldiers had got themselves to the ground when THE CAR BLEW UP in a terrifying huge blast.

It was blown away to smithereens. The burning door of the car went high in the air and landed directly on Anderson's left leg and he shouted in pain.

Martinez got up, picked up the sand on the side of the road and rushed to Anderson and threw it on his burning leg. Santiago was already on his side getting the fire out from Anderson's burning pants.

This time Martinez heard Santiago. "Get those bastards", he said. Martinez turned to look at Santiago and saw the fiercest look of his team leader he had ever seen. The next instant saw Martinez running towards their MUV, starting it up and driving at break neck speed towards the running couple who had by now gained quite some distance.

Day : Saturday.
Time : 03:59 am.
Location: Base Camp TI-21.

Sergent Major R. Hamilton sat on his chair and read Private Santiago's detailed report on the events of the evening. The summary was presented quite clearly.

Terrorist vehicle make : Fiat mini.
Vehicle color : Red.
Vehicle Occupants : Four. 1 adult male, age around 40. 1 adult female, age around 30, 2 children, both male, age around 6.

Casualty : 4 dead, 1 injured. All vehicle occupants dead. Adult male shot by Private Martinez. Adult female consumed Cyanide. Two children blown in the vehicle blast. Private Anderson suffered burns on his left leg. Burn percentage - 80. Currently hospitalized in base.

Terrorist Identification : Both adult bodies identified on Pentagon database of the internationally wanted.
Reason for attack : Unknown.
Final target assumped of attack of Vehicle : Base camp TI-21.
Counter-IED assumed no role in the saving of Private Anderson's life. Private Martinez and me are ready for another day.

End of Report.

Major R. Hamilton kept the report on the table, sipped his tea without any expressions and whispered to himself in controlled anger, "Fucking hell, We aren't going that easy. Bring it on !!"

Clear and present message:
To the authorities of the world : Stop uniform terrorism.
To the people who take up arms : Stop killing Innocent people.
To the people of the world : Accept and follow the age-old religion - Peace.

(The above is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any character or situation is purely coincidental. The photos are for representation purposes only.)

When you meet your creator..

2009-07-18T03:57:00.045+09:00

Catching my breath of life, I looked up to thank him but couldn't find him anywhere. In an instant...he was gone.

Sunday - the 10th of July, 1994.

A bright morning indeed. Some friends called me up at about 6 in the morning and made an impromptu plan to enjoy the rest of the morning, jumping, swimming, like total masti to the heart's delight at the local swimming pool. I joked asking, "Do we really need to go all the way to the pool just to pee?".

Well then, for us teenagers...it was game on. So off went my friends a little early and I reached a half an hour later. I entered the bright pool area with my....ahem....sexy blue chaddi and a grey T, looking quite chik. The chlorine blue water of the pool and people enjoying themselves was a great sight to see.

For some reason though, most of the people were splashing around only in one particular part of the pool. I didn't really understand the reason why and didn't think much about it either.

I saw the show off divers diving from the 1st and the 2nd floor diving boards, plugging themselves in the water so hard you'd think they were intentionally trying to commit suicide.

If Anu Malik were judging the diving show off, I'm sure he would have blurted out...

Tune dive jo maari, toh taali maine maari,
Tooo-neehe..dive jo maari....toh taali maine maari..
Aree nahi bhi hota agar yahan pani......
tab bhi hogaya hota main paani pani....."

Ok..moving on. The less said about this, the better.

So well, I couldn't find my pals anywhere. I did check some chickies out though, *wink*.

I noticed the other side of the pool had quite, serene water but almost no one there to enjoy it. I wondered why that was but then who really cared? The water looked inviting and I was gonna go in. After all, this was what I had come for...friends or no friends.

So over I went to the other side by the edge of water, took a deep breath, pinched my nostrils shut with the thumb and forefinger of my left hand and holding on to my blue, sexy chaddi from the other...I dived in with a SPLASHH !!

The water took my shape for an instant as if it wanted to experience me length to breath and then took me in. The feeling was great....until I submerged. The moment my head went in......extreme calm took over. The kinda calm that usually brings about a wild storm behind it.

The water kept pulling me in and placed me in perfect midway. I opened my eyes and saw the blueness of the water and the white tiled base of the pool shown under my feet.

An instant later, reality hit me like a ton of bricks as I realized...."OH SHIIIT....I CAN'T SWIM". And wot I saw next almost took my breath away. Right there, on the wall of the pool, it read in bold letters - "DEPTH - 12 FEET". I realized instantly why no one had preferred to be on this side. I had just jumped into the deepest part of the pool.

I was roughly around 5.3'ft tall. That meant, the water level was more than double my height. I was royally stuck. I stroked my hands and legs in a frail and a failed attempt to come up.

15 seconds had gone by and I was still underwater...
holding my breath and looking around to see if I could do anything to tackle the situation. I could see the steel ladder about 4 feet away horizontally to me that I could grab hold of and climb up, but...try as I might, I couldn't move to reach it.

25 Seconds had ticked by...
and I was now close to panic. My options were being cruelly eliminated one by one. I hoped against hope for someone to see me and jump in for a rescue. Where was that assholish lifeguard when someone really needed his help??

I was losing grip on my breath as moments ticked by. My chest was readying itself to burst open. I was now fighting to survive. I was now truly fighting to stay alive.

35 Seconds underwater.
I panicked. And I was still at the same midway. My eyes darted everywhere for options as I struggled with all my might. I rowed my hands and legs as hard as I could in the upward direction. The pressure was forcing me to breath out and I was fighting against it.

And then all of a sudden.....I saw a vision. I saw my mother in front of my eyes telling me to have my breakfast. I saw my school next and I saw myself winning that badminton championship and everyone congratulating me. I saw other images. I was seeing my life flash in front of me in extreme clarity.

It terrified me. I didn't want leave my mother crying. I didn't want to leave my friends. Is this how people saw their life flash before their eyes just before they went into oblivion? I was quickly losing my battle to darkness. To live and see another day did not seem an option available to me any more..

40 Seconds underwater...
and I was not gonna be able to hold on much longer. My heart beat like hell.

The weird part was that I wasn't scared of dying. All I wanted was to meet my mother one last time. All I wanted was to kiss her cheeks one last time before I went away and to tell her to not worry. That I shall be going quite happy and I will always....always remember her wherever I go.

But death is not known to be generous. It feels nothing, sees nothing, cares about nothing. Well... at least it treats everyone equally.

45 Seconds underwater.
I had lost all hope. I had shouted 'HELP' several times.....but it was all in my mind. My final moment was in front of me. I made peace with it.

And finally...finally.....I could hold on no longer. In helpless defeat, I slowly let my breath out and let my chest cave in as water began seeping into my nose.

But then....just then.....I SAW something. My eyes had blurred by then but I saw something float just above me. It was something that was red in color. I lifted my head upwards with half closed eyes and realized in a moment that it was a floating pair of red shorts. It was jus' a matter of inference then that a pair of legs would follow the shorts. At least I hoped it would be that way.

I was right. A pair of legs did follow. My brain reacted on an impulse. It went on 'SOS - code red' mode. If I was gonna live, THIS was the chance. A few things happened in the next few nano-seconds - with utmost, infallible precision.

My brain reacted with the speed of lightening and took over the commands of my body.
It commanded my lungs to hold on, not let the breath go for just a few more seconds.
It commanded my eyes to zero in on the target double time and message back, and then to keep it in visual contact as long as the situation demanded.
It commanded my hands to coordinate with my eyes, reach out and grab the target as it passed by.

The response was instant.

My lungs swiftly cut it's outflow of air swelling the chest in reaction.
My eyes zeroed in on the target and relayed it's exact location coordinates and 'Reach ETA' back, double time.
My hands, having the exact coordinates and target reach ETA, went into instant action. The fingers opened up for grab approach.

All this happened in a micro flash. My brain had commanded, possibly, it's last survival assault-technique before the enemy rushed in and took over.

Next thing I knew, both my hands had reached out in haphazard coordination and grabbed on to the legs of the man who was presumably swimming past without noticing me. The force of the grab was deadly. Wotever happened, I was not gonna let go.

And then, it happened. As I grabbed the legs...
My lungs let themselves go, they could breath no more,
My eyes shut themselves, they could see no more,
My nose and mouth let the last remaining mini ounce of breath slip away.

Water rushed in force inside of me and I went berserk.

But my hands......they stayed loyal. They didn't let go. They were not holding onto mere legs now. They were holding on to something larger. They were holding on to mighty HOPE.
As I held on, not knowing wot was to follow, I felt a palm on my chin and another on my right hand lifting me up and above water. The hands of life.

I felt a blast of cold air hit me on my face as I surfaced. Instinctively, I tried to breath through my nose and I went berserk again. The water in my head made it's evil presence known. Only when I tried breathing from my mouth, I could. I swallowed a huge fistful of air and my lungs slowly beat to life as I coughed wildly.

And then I heard a voice. A man's voice."You'll be ok now", I heard him say and he pulled me to the edge of the pool and had me sit on it. I sat with my head down, breathing in bulk like a man out of breath for centuries. I still couldn't open my chlorine affected eyes. The man patiently waited as I panted on.

My head down, slowly I could open my eyes a tad bit and I saw him - a blurr of a man, around 28 or so, not so fair in skin color. My chest still heaving, I saw him smile at me.

And then...he said something I will never forget. He said, "Go home, your mother is waiting for you." My eyes widened. How did he...?? But I was in no position to talk yet.

Finally I felt a bit ok and when I could see a tad bit clearly, I looked up to find the man who had saved me to say my sincere thanks. But I could see no one. My side of the pool was still people-less.

I asked one of the men around the pool if he had seen anyone near me where I sat moments back. His negative reply somehow seemed quite expected. The man had DISAPPEARED.

That was it. I had been given another chance to life.

To this day, I can't swim.
To this day I feel the fright.
To this day I remember the man.
And to this day I remember his might.

And after a long, heavy discussion in my mind about the incident, going through the facts, over n' over again, I have come to but one TERRIFYING conclusion.

I think I met my death lord and my creator, both at the same time. And both had smiled at me, for different reasons !!!
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What do YOU make out of it?

Asshole Identification ?

2009-07-04T02:55:00.036+09:00

Would you identify someone this way?
The stage was set. The steamy house party had ended by late evening. A few participating couples had left quite 'satisfied'.

It was night now and our couple, Suzy and Lou, lay in bed wearing flimsy night clothes talking about how steamy the day was when the conversation took a sudden touchy turn.

The audience is treated to some private bedroom talk.
Couple in bed scene.
Take 1,
Lights,
Curtain draw. ACTION ...

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Suzy - So....wot happened there? (the audience pull up their ears)

Lou (looking at the ceiling un-interestingly) - wot do u mean?

Suzy (referring to a guest earlier in the party) - why did she get all weird when I put my finger up your ass? (the watching audience gasps and some let out a sudden laugh)

Lou (now looking sideways at Suzy) - Oh yeaa...let's...let's backup a bit...why the hell DID u put your finger up my ass in the first place? (the audience is still snickering)

Suzy - I dunno.

Lou - we been married for 5 years, you've never done that before.

Suzy - well, u know, people do that sometimes. (some women spectators hoot aloud.)

Lou - They do? (Male spectators could be heard shouting 'oh yea, oh yea babyy')

Suzy - yea..they do.

Lou - uh...you ever done that before?

Suzy - yeaa...a lot. (Male spectators hoot and loudly ask for her phone number)

Lou - My gawd..really?

Suzy - Yea sure..I'm a nurse dummy, I do it to my patients.

Lou - Oh that way, ok. They teach u to put your finger up the ass when they train you to be a nurse??

Suzy - nooouaa....they don't..I'm experienced so I can now, ok?? Hey, don't sidetrack the topic mr. (Laughter from the audience)

Lou - Alright ok...so wot u saying really?

Suzy - Ok, so today I put a finger up your ass and I thought, hey maybe Lou would like this. (hoot from some men)

Lou - OK well...I don't. So cud u not do this any more??

Suzy (sitting up and irritated) - Oh, so u don't want anything up your ass but u wanna stick your dick up mine?? (the audience laugh loud. The women hoot loudly)

Lou - What???? Who said that???

Suzy - Well, don't all guys fantasize screwing women up their ass?? (The women shout, "oh yeaa..uh huh, they so do")

Lou (sitting up too)- No. I don't.

Suzy - Really? You don't?

Lou - Yea....I never understood that. I mean you're a millimeter away from the greatest place on earth. Why would anyone wanna go in someone's dried out lil ass for?? (the men shout, "loseerrrrrr")

Suzy - Ooh kayyy, you're kinda putting my asshole down here. (laughter from the audience)

Lou - I'm sure your asshole's fine. I never even seen it anyways.

Suzy - Well, u should. (more laughter. One man shouts 'Cmon..show your assole baby')

Lou (giving a weird look)- Why should I?

Suzy - Cuz I'm your wife. You should see my asshole. U should know everything about me. Wot if u needed to identify me? (People in audience laugh loud)

Lou (after some thought) - Identify you? Er...U mean if u have an accident where your teeth get destroyed but your asshole survives? (The audience cracks up big time. The laughter remains for minutes.)

Lou (straightening up) - Arright fine. I'll take a look. Wotever.
(Suzy bends and shows him her asshole) (the audience goes mad. Everyone is hooting loudly. A lot of people clap loud)

Lou (after a minute of scrutinizing Suzy's asshole) - Hmm..ummmmm, Well..your asshole's kinda....uh...good looking. Now that I seen it, I don't min.....

Suzy (cutting Lou's statement in between) - Oohhhhh... never gonna happen. Get back to sleep u asshole. Hmpphh !!! (the audience is hooting like crazy by now)

(The curtain draws but the clapping refuses to die down)

Conclusion - Your asshole is a part of you. Know it well. One day you might...er.. get identified by it !!

And oh really....wot's your identification?

Calling MIchael Jackson - Plz collect your letter..

2009-06-26T18:32:00.017+09:00

(This post, written in the past, has been bought forward in the honor and memory of Michael Jackson.
Michael...U had no right to die. You belonged to all of us. Nevertheless, you shall remain the greatest ever to reign the hearts of people of this world. You shall always be remembered lovingly by millions - me included. And you will never lose the first place you hold in my heart as the prince of kindness and basically being a good guy.
Peace be with you, Michael. God bless. I shall miss you dearly. We all will.)

Check out some of Michael's photographs at the end of the post.
You may click on the "old comment form" after the 200th comment and share your thoughts on him if you would like to.

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The original post : (written on the 20th of May 2009)

I was recently talking to a few of my friends about the blog world at large, when I happened to casually mention that I was thinking of blogging about my favorite guy in the entertainment industry - MICHAEL JACKSON.

There were a few children playing nearby when one little dude, around 8 of age or so, who had over heard me talk, came over to me and gunned me down with his volley of bullets made of pure MJ questions.

He told me quite enthusiastically that Michael Jackson was his favorite among all of them and that he had really enjoyed his Bugs bunny - 'Speed Demon' video (Watch it HERE). It was a pleasant s'prise knowing a kid of 8 knew about Speed Demon, made in the 80s probably.

When I told him , I was at Michael Jackson's 1996 Dangerous Album concert through MTV, when he had come down to Mumbai, right at the front row and that I had seen him as near as 5 feet away backstage..... I knew I had opened a can of talkative worms. The kid was not gonna spare me now. But I was only happy to talk, after all - Mj was my fav too. And talk we did. Lots.

Only a day had passed when he came back to me again and asked if I had already put stuff up about MJ on the internet. When I replied in the negative, he jumped up in joy and said, "Oh good u didn't. Now u can put it up with my letter".

Before I could ask wot the heck he was talking about, he went on, "My daddy says, Internet is really big and it can even reach Michael Jackson's home. So I have written a letter for him. Can you 'send' this letter to him through the internet when you write about him?" So saying, he fished out a letter from his pocket that he had written himself and stretched out his full hand towards me so I can take it from him.

I was speechless. There was no way I was gonna deny that request. He looked at me, his face devoid of any smile probably wondering if I wud accept.

The letter was unfolded. His handwriting was clean and clear and big so Michael could read easily.

The moment I took the letter and said 'yes', his eyes lit up like diamonds, his lips twisted into a perfect half circle....then in a moment the lips couldn't control themselves and parted to let his pearly teeth show. "Thank you bhaiya", he said smiling wide.
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So...uh.......Michael...calling MICHAEL.......come in plz. Andy to Michael - Andy to Michael..alpha beta maara toda pheka.... come in please. Do you read?

OK, well..so Michael, If YOU ever happen to read this post of mine...

I want you to know that I don't care of your controversies and how people think about you in a negative way and other depressing stuff. I've grown up watching you and idolized you since a long long time.

I love u man and I'm with you in your troubles and tribulations. May I say - "You are not alone". :-) I feel for you and I wish you true, lasting happiness.

I also want you to read this letter, this kiddo's written for you - quite lovingly. In the meanwhile, I'm gonna be lying to him and telling him that you actually read his letter and said HI to him and that if you ever come to India, it will be only cuz of this letter he wrote to you , ok?

I'm adding my words to his letter in brackets that I think I understand wot he meant so you may understand it as well. Lol. So, here it is -

"Dear Michael,
Hi, My name is Nikhil. U can call me Nik if you like. I know all about u. (You'd be s'prised how much he really does.)

I loved you as a Bunny (in Speed Demon). You dance really good and I want to be like you when I grow old (grow up). You came to India before I came down to Earth (He's funny, u can tell) When are you coming back for a visit?

I will definitely come and watch you. If you can reply soon before my exams, I will tell my teachers that I will be going for a holiday and come to watch you. I am the monitor of my class and nobody questions me, they don't even check my calendar.

Please come Michael (yea, plz do), since I cannot come where you are. I am not allowed to play much and my Doctor uncle says I cannot go anywhere for sometime since I have to get my medicines and Injections on time. He says if I don't take medicines on time, I will not be able to play my favorite game of football either (he has shown dangerous signs of paralysis).

My sister Anu and my friend Sagar say hi to you. I love you a lot. Please please please reply.
Yours Nik."

Well, Michael, I have kept his letter with me for the time being. If you ever happen to be passing by where I stay, remind me to give this letter to you. ;-)
And hey, come down, dude. Got great friends you can hang around with and we all will take you around town. I Promise !! :-)

Oh and my name is Anand but U may call me Andy. I only allow my friends and super pop stars whose names begin with 'M' calling me by that name. ;-)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Back to the present.
Some interesting photographs of the entertainer:

RIP Michael

Obama - Quick Gun Murugan, Mind it Fly.

2009-06-20T02:02:00.042+09:00

The entity had seen these walls before on TV and now it was here - in person. As it scanned the area below with it's natural scanner eyes, it saw heavily armed military guards surrounding the place, huge dogs at their heels.

They mattered none for it. The entity saw the white walls at the distance. Somewhere inside, in one of the rooms was where it's final destination lay.

As it moved in stealth, neither the armed guards nor the dogs noticed it passing them by. It had broken the tightest security that money could buy in a flash, in a land known to man as the land of super power.

As it reached the inside of the white walls, it saw the tunnel of haze not knowing which way it's query lay. Then....it saw the TV crew being escorted by another group of men in arms. "What the buzzz, there it is", it thought and off it went following it.

Once again, that entity - the ordinary house FLY surpassed the security and flew in - to a room that was huge in capacity. And that's where it saw it's chance. The chance of a life time - a life time that would not last more than a few days anyways. The chance to tease the most powerful man in the world.

Barrack H Obama sat in a chair, all dignified (which of course was going to change soon) and opposite him sat an interviewer with a mike in his hand.

"Hmm, thast mike iss aa purfect plaesh to seit if I wanna shee dish man with daak shkin, facesh to facesh", thought the fly. So, off it flew and landed right on the mike.

"Ohhh Yessshh dude, now THATH'S OBAMAAA. So..thishh ish da guy everybody'sh been talking boutsh, eh? Not badh looking ash ol." it thought.

"Buttt I wanna tocsh himm too", so thinking, it flew and landed right on Obama's nose.

Obama immediately shooed it away. "Ahhh, fasst but not fashhtt enufff me boy", screamed the fly as it buzzed stronger and teased the most powerful man on Earth as it jumped everywhere on his face and hands irritating the hell out of him. The cameras rolled on happily knowing this was something else.

And then...the fly realized why this dude was supposed to be powerful. He had planning, he had strategy, he had patience and he was quick besides being funny and a multi tasker.

Obama waited patiently as the protagonist of this story settled down on the table for it's next round of tease. The moment it did - WOOOSH came the bony hand of the guy with the blackberry and SWATTT - The fly saw stars for sometime and then....nothing. It was now ready to be re-born.

For some reason - this incident started a chain of claims and dialogs from the world over.
Here are some of those :

China : The Chinese spokesperson 'Hu flung dung' said it was a robot that had been sent to Obama as a peace one-man convoy indicating that China was with USA and had hardly to do anything with Pakistan. But now since he had killed it, as a gesture of goodwill, China was going to send a chef over to teach him how to cook n' eat it.

Pakistan : Claimed it was sent by India with an anti-Pak message to get as close to Obama's ears as possible since India's PM's 'speech throw' hardly reaches a few centimeters from his mouth. Pakistan is, as we speak, in conference with Daood bhai, Chota Shakil, Osama B L, Masood bhai, Pappu pager, Munna mobile and kharcha chod to have their people to be ready in case there is retaliation on this issue by people outside but mainly inside the country. Pak anticipates trouble over everything.

India : Since recently a Pakistani Air-force helicopter had crashed because the pilot inside, feeling cold had switched off his "FAN", India claimed this was a new Pak invention sent for Obama's approval and a secret nod so it could be used in Kashmir against Indians. Though this new invention had no fighting power, it could irritate like hell. India also claimed the new invention was named 'Kasab 2' and it had traveled by boat all the way to USA. But India extended a hand to America saying it could open a Call Center if Americans face such a problem again to soothe their stressed countrymen, through Yoga.

Australia : Claimed it was an Indian student who was surrounded by some Aussie students who were quite innocently asking for his mobile and some cash. Since the student ran so fast that it looked like a blurr, it made Obama think it was a buzzing fly. Australia stresses on the point that it was only a law and order problem not a racial one. Some Aussie students had quite innocently and 'lovingly' called the Indian student 'you Indian'. Nothing more should be read into it. To just chill and have some good ol' Australian beer, 'mite'.

Al Qaeda : Claimed it was a Jihadi bomber in a fly's disguise. It was trained at their local make shift training camp fully equipped with English-style latrines. It was sent to give a message of war and then detonate right after that. Unfortunately, since the message was in Arabic, Obama couldn't understand it, instead got irritated and swat the fly bomber into oblivion. Al Qaeda men have since gone underground and regrouping with some other name.

Osama and Group : Claimed it was a fidayeen sent to do something BIG. It was, once again, an 'air' attack of a different kind. If that agent could penetrate America and White house so easily, imagine what they could do next. They claimed that the fidayeen had learned how to fly right under their noses in their own land. Osama has now got the surgical cut a.k.a plastic surgery and the next round of attacks would include his own self.

Sri Lanka : Claimed that was a Tamil fly. It was actually Prabhakaran now re-born as a fly and visited Obama. It flew to America to see the land he could never see as LTTE chief. Unfortunately, for him, he did see it after all. Now Once again all Lankans are celebrating.

Cuba : Claimed it was one of the Al Qaeda members escaped from Guantanamo bay. This was in retaliation since everyone wanted the prison to shut shop before 2010.

My message to anyone who wants to swat a fly :- Let's learn 'how to HYPNOTIZE it' instead. Click on the FLY (before it takes off) to learn how to do it.

And in one little part of the world - Raju anna's tea-stall near my office, where male flies gather in hordes to pick up girls.....Some flies are dying of laughter.

Now you think like that girl.. #124

2009-06-11T23:34:00.036+09:00

The farm where it all happened
According to a few researches, now common knowledge, man uses only about 10% of his brain functionality and capacity in his entire life.

While some label this as myth sayin' we use our brains to it's utmost capacity - which cud be jus' about anything depending on various external factors like age, surroundings, studies etc.

And so I come to the present.
I had earlier put up a VISUAL RIDDLE in the blog. And dude, the response and the interaction, Oh Mah Gawd, was just AWESOME. My friends, my blog visitors and I myself lapped it all up completely. It was fun and I found out a bit on how intelligent my audience is. I must say - VERY !!! Man, they blew me away to the top of the cocoNUT tree. :-)

And when they suggested I put up more riddles, it was GAME ON.

Riddles are fun to solve but NOT all the time. But this time, instead of jus' putting up another one, I got something better (picked up from another site of course). I have here with me what is commonly known as 'Lateral Thinking Order' story for you.

You are required to think absolutely LATERAL and take into account only what the story offers.

What's Lateral thinking?
It's a way of looking at the problem from various angles instead of tackling it head-on. Attempting to solve a problem by using non-traditional methods in order to appreciate new concepts and ideas.

So, nothing external, no imagination or assumption required. Lateral thinkers are known to reach at answers before logical thinkers do.

(Attn G3 gang :- No prizes here. This is just a riddle and I'm a poor man. Can't afford nothing. Although, I promise one thing here though - If any one from the dreaded G3 gang solve this problem, I will put up the Fevicon for a whole week - no more. Damn my prestige and ego. Wink. )

So without much ado, story Shuru...

Begin Story

A bloody long time ago.....ok maybe a few years back...ok, I don't really know when...but in a small village somewhere, a stupid farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The leech moneylender, who was as ugly as they make 'em, fancied the farmer's sexy big ass daughter.(some glamor quotent.)

So he proposed a bargain. He said to the farmer, "Ello' farmie boy, listen, that sexy hot daughter of urs, I wanna make mine...aka marry. You let me do that and I forgo your debt, Wot say?"

Both the Farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal...more so by his language. The daughter shouted to his father, "eeeeeekssssss, no ways papupapi. U sell me, I don't care but I ain't marrin' this shit lay."

So upon being denied of this by the Farmer, the cunning money-lender suggested they play a gamble with luck on that one. If luck's on their side, they wud be kool n' free but not otherwise. And the Farmer said "yo".

So he took them to a road that had a lot of black and white pebbles. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into two empty money pouches and mix them up. The sexy mama would have to pick one pebble from the pouch without sayin' ouch.

But of course there are 3 simple conditions on that.

A) If she picked the pouch with the black pebble in it, she would become his wife and her Father's debt would be forgiven. The girl shouted, "eeeksss,abba-dabba-jabba,NNoo."

B) If she picked the pouch with the white pebble in it, she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. The farmer said, "yo baby".

C) But if she refused to pick a pebble all together, her father would be thrown into prison. The farmer thought, "booo to you, assbitch".

So, they all stood on the pebble strewn path in the field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up the 2 colored pebbles.

But cunning as he was, he quickly picked up two BLACK PEBBLES instead of 1 white and 1 black one and hurriedly put them into both the pouches, got up and smiled cunningly.

What he didn't realize was that the chick standing with him was not jus an average, dumb blond. She was smart with sharper brains on her. (ooooooo yeahhhhh, now that's really hot). She had noticed this but she didn't let anyone know. Not yet.

He then asked chickie Maria to pick a pebble from the bag and pray hard for lady luck to be on her side.

End of Story

NOW, our aim is of course to achieve point B - to out-fool the money lender in his own game. Put yourself in the girl's shoes, sizzle a bit and think HARD. What would you have done if you were the girl (without thinking or doing anything sexual here)?

We, ofcourse don't wanna do any of the following. To do any of these wud mean you lose bitterly and u get humped by an old ugly duck...EVERYDAY. Your choice.

1. The chickie should refuse to take a pebble.
2. She should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. She should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

But this is traditional, normal and average thinking.
What we wanna do is think Lateral, out of the box, think cunning. You do that and you wud realize the wonderful possibility on how you can achieve STEP B. It's so easy, you would want to be that hot mama yourself. Wink.

The sexy chick did a trick and got to point B.
She knew how to do it, u see?
Could YOU have done it, if you were in her place?
Answer that one, c'mon make haste !!

LET'S SEE YOU TRY. Go Tiger !!! THINK !!

The answer has now been put up on comment no 124. Enjoy.

Nature against women - by 2020

2009-06-05T05:11:00.045+09:00

Women will change into Men by 2020.

Heard of the term 'Natural Woman' ?? Chances are u haven't.
Well... a Natural woman is currently being defined as a woman who has found a change in her own self in the way she thinks and performs her day to day life. Since this effect takes place quite naturally over a course of time - thus emerges the term - Natural Woman.

Again, what does that really mean? That means...Women are turning into MEN in the way they think and do things. Ohhh YEahh babyy !!!

Alright, let's check some facts first, based on research:

Research shows:

* You stay with somebody for a few years and you begin developing similar habits.
* Couples living together for a number of years suddenly start looking like brother and sister.
* Heck, even best friends - man and dog start behaving and looking like one - after years of stay together. bow wow.

Extensive studies show that after years of natural existence, the passive entity or gender among the 2 begins changing his/her behavioral pattern and outlook according to the one that has an active role in the relationship.

And the truth that Men and women have been coexisting with each other since time began, cannot be denied.

Ooo baby...take a deep breath. It's really happening. Is it genetic? Hormonal? Cultural?

Is it Genetic?
One can be a genetic male, but be born looking like a female and develop like one and vice-versa.

Is it Hormonal?
Some women feel like they have been a man in a woman’s body all their lives, something called 'gender dysphoria'. They even experience hormonal changes at some point in their lives.

Is it Cultural?
Do you believe women and men must be the same to be equal? After all, gender does influence how we lead our lives, doesn't it?

So Which one is it? Well, who cares as long as it's happening.

It's time MEN rejoiced. Women, quite slowly and steadily are going to leave their emotional ways behind and follow logic. It's a win win situation for men.

Once the change takes over completely...I PREDICT :

a) Women will have No sudden, illogical emotional outbursts. No rona dhona for no reason. (whew....)
b) Women will NoT buy expensive things without any rhyme, reason or logic any more. (double wheww....)
c) Men would finally be able to watch their favorite cricket / beach bikini volleyball matches in peace without any non-sense saas bahu serial time clashes.
d) Finally, there would be no nagging. (Amen, Allah be praised, thank u Jesus. Aai shappat, mast waatey.)

I can think up of a lot more reasons even as I write but I'm sure you get the idea.So.... only close to 10 years remain.

Women - Welcome to the world of men. It's logical, practical, unassuming and a sexy world !!! 'Bhaskar Bharti' couldn't have been on a more perfect time on tele.

I wonder what else would Nature change in the ways of the woman??

Wink. ;-)

The Sexy sardar..

2009-05-28T16:19:00.058+09:00

DISCLAIMER:
[This post is to showcase one of most popular characters on television that grew famous because of it's sheer simplicity and cuteness. This post is not intended to show anyone in poor light. It is a light hearted post, supposed to be taken that way. ]

Lemme take the opportunity to showcase my favorite Sardar to you.

THIS Sardar is HIP and happening. This Sardar has guts, glory, is frank and absolutely sexy. This Sardar is a born model.

Enter - SIMPOO - (Simpoo is a trademark - Star televisions).

Guys, be jealous.
Girls - take a deep breath...
Here are 2 of his 'women going crazy' poses.

Take it away SIMPOOji

Aaaahhhhh
Take me home babyyy

Ohhh Yeaaaa...

Tagged - If today was my last day on Earth

2009-05-17T02:50:00.030+09:00

This post is a direct Tag result. Man, I hate tags. They bind me in boundaries.

I try and hide from bloggers who I think might tag me. Yet, one of them finally found me and caught me by s'prise. Lol. Next time, I'm borrowing the invisibility cloak from Mr Potter.

I got tagged by her majesty, the Princezz. The bad part about this tag - it was on a negative and a depressing topic but the good part was that it sounded challanging and made me think.

Not to mention the fact that she made it sound like it was a challenge put on.. on me !! So....well..I got sucked into it.

The Tag : If Today Was Your Last Day On Earth.

The obvious meaning - If u were gonna die today, wot the hell u gonna do, boy?

The way my mind works - What if you've traveled to Mars on your extended holiday and saw your beloved Earth blow up from there? You know you're stranded then. Wot u gonna do?

The tag line was quite easy to squirm out of...if you thought about it for a minute and I almost did. But then, if u took it in a sportsman's spirit, it was food for some mind crunching thought...for something that was finally inevitable.

So, Princezz, since you've tagged me...I'm doing it for you. The following is a small something that would explain how I think about it....

"If today was my last day"

'My best friend gave me the best advice,
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right,
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind,
And try to take the path less traveled,
That first step you take is the longest stride.

If today was my last day
And tomorrow was too late,
Could I say goodbye to yesterday?

Would I live each moment like my last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime I have?

They say, 'against the wind' should be a way of life,
What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight,
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try,
So live like you’ll never be livin' it twice,

Would I call old friends I never see?
Reminisce of memories, Would I forgive my enemies?
Would I find that one I’ve always dreamed of?
Swear up and down to God above, that I finally fall in love?

If today was my last day,
Would I make my mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late,
To shoot for the stars, regardless of who you are.

So would I do whatever it takes?
‘Cause I can’t rewind a moment in this life,
Let nothin’ stand in my way,
Cause the hands of time are never on one's side.

Weekdays, I'd be busy,
So I would like to go on a Saturday.
I'd then get a chance to say goodbye to everyone,
so the weekend feels like a party anyways.

I would ask if anyone would like to come along,
and see everyone laugh, as I secretly believe,
This is not the real end, I'll be back,
And when I do, I'd once more...like to be me !!'

If today was my last day, I would die happy, u see !!

Penny for your thoughts, Princezz?
I'm not passing on this tag to anyone. This is not a subject I would like anyone to spend time to think on unless they are about to make a WILL (in which case, I'd like to be included in it plz. 'Wide Grin'.)

On a POSITIVE note, If I had to die....I would want to die laughing and keep my name upheld for all it's worth. :-)

Ladies and Gentlemen...My name is Anand !!!

Where's your thinking cap ??

2009-05-09T14:51:00.036+09:00

The 80s table with things on it. Completely in place and normal. Nahhhhh.....not completely normal. There are THREE faults in this picture.

Look carefully. Exercise your powers of Observation. Let's see you find them !!!

Find one - and consider yourself pretty average but observant.
Find two - and consider yourself a tad bit above average - with good observation powers.
Find the third one - and I start calling u 'Genius'. :-)

(I shall reveal the answers in 3 days time, if not found by someone already - on the 12th of May 09 - right here.)

If you're a first time visitor here - Hi, how u doin?? I'm Andy. :-). Leave your email id. I'll mail you the answer - no problemo - a nice guy that I am, u c? ;-)

By the way, I, myself could find just 1. Somebody had to tap me hard on my 'chota dimag' - jus below my left ear, to get the other 2....and suddenly I went.....ahhhhhhhhh with enlightment - with eyes wide open and a dumb bright smile.

But now I'm recovering from the fact that I'm jus average. Shucks !!
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And...... if by this time, you've almost bled ur eyes looking long enough and you're still at your wit's end - not able to figure it out.......take a BREAK and have a look at this....

This is the ladder we would all love to climb...give or take a few. This is the..

LADDER OF LOVE.

This is, to be precise, an upcoming BLOG made by 'yours truely'. And I'm hoping it will be liked, criticized and appreciated just as much as this one is.

The best part about this blog is that YOU ARE INVITED TO WRITE in it as guests. As many topics and as many times as you would like to.
You write about topics close to the heart and all those juicy comments are yours. Try it out.
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( BTW, if you're still scratching your head for the answer to the riddle above, either read comment no 86 for the answer or in the post itself find the written date (12th of May 09) and click on it. ) Read it and smile. Wink.

How to complete any Project..

2009-05-05T20:29:00.027+09:00

(An intelligent man must be focused on his ultimate aim)

I hadn't thought the PROJECT would come to me. The Project manager had never trusted me on it. To be honest, I wasn't keen on getting it either.

But you know wot they say...some people are born with skills and some are made to do it....forcefully (er..something like that I'm sure) and so I was inveriably chosen for the task.

So I was called in the room. It seemed like a meeting between a superior being and a lowly human a.k.a ME whose life depended on his performance of what he was being told to be responsible of. So....eyes wide, ears open to the max...I took in every single spoken word, my brain on full alert.

MY MOTHER - the project leader and I sat in the dining room.

She looked at me and said...."Beta, are you sure you will be able to do your 'vegetable buying project' well today ?? Can I trust you ??".
I responded, looking shocked, "What?? Ofcourse. Duh !!"

She sat on the chair opposite me and gave me the list of vegetables I had to buy that evening for the house. I knew I was soon gonna be in uncharted territory.

As I wrote the items down, she INSISTED on repeating them so I din't miss anything. "Beta, pao kilo Chota Bengan, pao kilo Doodhi, 4 or 5 Neebu, Haraa Dhaniya masala with everything including kadi patta and........" She gave me the names of some 3 or 4 more vegetables to buy. "And while coming back , get some dahi. Oh, and don't forget your toothpaste too."

I had jotted everything down on a piece of paper.

"Ek baar aur sun le....Pao kilo Bengan...pao kilo....", She went again.
I said, "Yaa Maa, I know, I know already. I've written them down. See??" I showed her the list I had prepared.

"and the toothpaste." She completed. "Ok, okkk. I will I will. Now, mind if I leave?" I asked. "Ya go..but don't forget Dahi...but only when you're coming back not....". I ran out of the house to escape.
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(A good Project Leader must first form a plan of action.)
My plan excelled in simplicity. It was a 3 STEP PLAN that just couldn't go wrong:

STEP 1) Go to Market.
STEP 2) Find Vegetables on list.
STEP 3) Buy vegetables on list.

Could it get any simpler than this ??
The "KISS" philosophy - "Keep It Short and Simple" is not something many follow. Those who do - are a happy lot.

(A competent Project Leader must not only form a plan but must keep a BACKUP plan ready as well...jus in case.)
My backup plan was the SMS that I had sent to my sweet little rakhi-sis - Neha (FYJC - Student of Arts) in my society who helps me sometimes in such undaunting tasks, asking her to be ready to help me with any and everything jus' in case somethin' went wrong (read - forget something).

"What bhai...not againnn!! Ok, wotever." was her reply to my SMS. I was satisfied. Backup was in check. So now all I had to do was put the original plan into action. And I did exactly that.

Step 1. GO TO MARKET :
(A smart Project Leader must make sure he has logistics co-ordinates in place.)
Time: Evening - 6:02 pm.
Market place was no more than 15 minutes away. My bike would help me make it in 7. I reached there in precisely 7 minutes and the parking took the next 2. No time lost. Kool.

The vegetable Market on a Sunday evening is like the Share market on a Monday morning. People everywhere. Buy buy buy. Sell sell sell...sell now...NOW DAMMIT NOW.
This was easy and going according to the plan and there was no reason why it should not be a smooth sailing ahead.

Step 1 was done. It was now TIME to put step 2 into action.

Step 2. FIND VEGETABLES ON LIST :
(The project leader must, in addition to taking care of logistics support, ensure a timeline to his project.)

I hoped to complete step 2 in no more than a few minutes.
I could see vegetables everywhere. All I had to do was to bring out the list I had prepared and.... the rest was.... no problemo.
So I got the list and a pencil out so I could tick off each item as I would buy 'em off.

I had spotted a vendor who I was gonna pick. He had the most varieties of vegetables on display. 'Target was spotted and was visual in nature'. The Mission was already half way through.

Step 2 had taken no more than roughly 5 to 7 measly minutes. It was done and put out of the way. Now it was TIME to put the last and final step into action.

Step 3. BUY VEGETABLES ON LIST :
(A smart Project Leader must always remember Dharamji's advice.."chun chun ke maroonga")

It was important that I picked them up one by one. Doodhi was first on the list. I reached the vendor and asked for it's price. It was 10 bucks a piece. A PIECE??

"Piece?? pieces main bechna kab se shuru kiya aap logon ne ?", I asked him. He looked at me like I was an alien just landed from Mars. He said, "Huh? Aisiech hai. Leneka hai kya?". Well, it was jus 10 bucks. Wot the heck. I bought it, put it in the bag and ticked off Doodhi on the list.

I had just about moved to the side to check my list when I heard a lady bargain with the same vendor for the same vegetable and take it in 8. 8 bucks?? Damn, I was ripped off by 2 bucks in my very first buy.

(An intelligent Project Leader must be non-voilent in nature and learn from his mistakes.)
I learnt. First thing I did was find another vendor. There was one thing prevalent everywhere though - vendors were much better with their bargaining skills than I was. Way way better.

So, finally after having bought all the vegetables on the list one by one and not forgetting Dahi at the end (while coming back) and ticking them all off in the list...I had finally completed my final step.

MY MISSION WAS OVER. A few hitches here and there but it was done - SUCCESFULLY.

(A Project Leader who expects to be paid at the end of the month and appreciated for his work must file his report of Success before the end of the month)

THE REPORT : (was duly given to the Project leader on reaching back home.)
A) Project completed in 32 minutes 42 seconds. (2 minutes, 42 seconds over-shoot was compensated by logistics cover in distance by riding faster on the bike while coming back home.)
B) All Vegetables bought.
C) Dahi not forgotten.
D) Saved money - none. 10 Rs over-shoot (Compensated by taking it off my own wallet. Original Project Leader not reported about this.)

LOL. But it was FUN !!

Ok, By the way u guys........the prices are so bloody STEEP here.
Dhoodhi - 10 bucks a piece... ok 8...wotever.
Brinjal - 24 bucks a kg
Cualiflower - 8 bucks a piece
Lady finger - 25 bucks a kg. OH MAH GAWD !!

Is the rate same over there too...where YOU are??? Or have I been had??

(PS: I confess I'm NOT a good vegge shopper. But I did learn a thing or 2 doing this "project". I guess management does teach you a few things on the side, eh?)

How to stop laughing at an inappropriate moment.

2009-05-01T06:04:00.056+09:00

We have Aussie 'mites', English 'gentlemen', Uk 'oye' skinnies and of course gud ol' 'kaay re' Mumbaikars comin' in our office often...every once a month for business purposes and stay over on company's expenses for a week or two. And one thing that happens everyday as long as they are around..is.....meetings !!

A necessary evil but we all survive it jus' fine. The meetings usually are all business a.k.a statistics, reports, who's that new chick, any juicy gossips.. etc.

Cut to the present.

About a few days back, a semi-emergency meeting was called. One of the data reporting guys in our company, who stayed alone with only his Dog as company, had fractured his leg pretty bad and wasn't gonna report in for sometime.

The Aussie dude was ON with his thing - "Well, mite, U naai (know), this man o' ours is noi (now) in the haaspitoh..and..." Before he could complete, the English woman siting by his side made a sad face, interrupted him and said, "I say this is just teriiibo...poor dear."

And then the inevitable happened.

She continued..."Sorry to cut you oofh loike this Mr Reed but now I wonder who is going to take care ouf his BITCH?"The moment the word was out of the lady's mouth...my Boss looked at us with wide eyed expression and the very next instant his face went into the mmphing 'laugh attack mode' with silent but almost Uncontrollable laughter, his hand covering his mouth.

Now this, we have all been through, haven't we ?? Someone is telling a sober, moving story about something not in the least funny. Everybody's nodding seriously, going along with the sad emotion..and then...without warning comes the fatal blow. Someone says something perfectly normal but YOU find it incredibly ticklish and go into a laughing hysteria.

Now, U canNOT laugh like a moron when a lot of important people that matter to the business, are talking about apparently somethin' serious.

But how the hell do you control that 440 watt laugh current that has passed through you?

The word 'Bitch' had tickled my boss's extremely large funny bone and this one seemed the superio-maximus kind.

While everybody was speaking in slow mono-syllables, he was making stupid, weird faces, trying hard to control his burst of laughter that was threatening to escape his mouth any instant and he dared not do it.

His face had become red as a baboon's ass and was bloating up by the minute. My colleague nudged me to look at him.

Before I tell you wot happened next....

If YOU ever happen to fall into this sweet trap - which you will inevitably one day - here's how to wriggle out of it - quick.

A) Bite the inside of your cheeks or the corner of your mouth. The idea is to give yourself a bit of pain, enuff to make u stop your laugh attack.

B) Avoid eye contact at all cost. You make eye contact with anyone and you're on your way to laugh village.

C) Think of something complex, quick. Like naming everyone in the Indian cricket team and who among them plays left handed.

D) Excuse yourself. Get out of the room immediately - let all your 'evil' laughter out of your system and calmly return back.

Hopefully, one of these will work. But if nothing does, jus' let the laugh out and say, "Hey, laughter's good for health, isn't it?" and get out of the room and start typing your Resignation letter.

So now, coming back to what happened to my boss....

Knowing him well, we knew he was NOT going to stop. We had to do something. We couldn't fake stuff. The people sitting in the room weren't exactly stupid.

Suddenly my colleague and me, we both came up with the same Idea at the same time. We looked at each other and in an instant it was a silent 'go ahead'.
We were going to do somethin' so extra ordinarily simple that it wasn't gonna seem out of place at all. And while at it, rescue our beloved, helpless and stupidly assolish boss out of the room.

I was going to CRACK A JOKE and pull all attention to myself and he was going to sneak up to Boss and rescue him outta there. Oh yea !! That's wot we were going to do.

It was foolhardy. It was a dangerous mission but we were the best soldiers he had at the moment and we were not going to let him down. We were going in for the rescue.

So we went into Action and I immediately clapped hard to get everybody's attention towards me. I said, with an accent of course, "Hey..uh...ol' u peopo, the guy's just injured u naai, naat dead. We ol' shud be feelin' ghood it was only a fractah, none else. Think paasitive, u peopo, c'maaan. Heere, lemme tell ya ol' a joyke to lighten thins up."

"Blimey", said the Aussie. "Aree mast", said the Mumbaikar.

I then proceeded to crack the dumbest joke ever. My colleague LAUGHED his made-up laugh right on cue and the others joined in. I don't think anyone actually got the joke...including me. But that was far from my mind at that time.

And at the far corner.....as everyone laughed, my boss finally, seeing an opportunity, opened his mouth and let out a roar. He had by now started resembling a cut up red CUCUMBER kept on the table for a feast.

My colleague immediately reached him, motioning him to get up and come with him. Explaining that he was the chosen one that week to make sure the boss took his medicines on time, they left in a hurry.

The hyper Aussie dude made me crack another dumb one..saying, "Oye that was crikey. Got 'nother one up ya sleeve, mite?" I couldn't believe he had actually liked my 3rd grade, 'die of boredom' joke.

The English woman laughed a bit and let out a light scream,"Oooohh yes yes." Sighhh.....wonders never cease.
Jus' in case you wanna know the dumb one I had cracked in the room to divert attention........ ??

This one liner was it...
A guy says to another - "Hey are you Dan Druff? Cuz U get a lot in my hair....!!"

Pretty dumb. Yea, I know. :->

Toodledo ppl. ;)
(PS: No cows were harmed during the rescue attempt. The firangs have a better sense of humor, I guess. Hee.)

A Gift to my blog friends - Thank you

2009-04-27T02:31:00.040+09:00

YOU all reminded me of CHRISTMAS. Thank you my bloggie wogey woogie boogie friends. Lol.

My last post How to get free stuff from people has been an absolutely HIT as far as my own yard stick is concerned. I think this post will go down in the history of Hell Lotta Tips as being one post with comments that almost converted this blog into a forum or a chat machine. It goes without sayin, I had loved writing this teaser.

Some might say, the teaser I've put down in there as a challange, is kiddie stuff. That may very well be but when it gets you real stuff from people......I don't think so !! uh uh.

It then gets converted into a lethal mean machine when it makes everybody go blue in the face jus trying to do it, gettin' stuck to the wall, looking pretty dumb and finally lettin' out a stupid laugh. To see people doin' that, knowing pretty well that you are the cause....is completely priceless. Moreover, u can actually record it and blackmail the guy for further free stuff. heehehee.

Although this trick is impossible to do, the Organised Crime Syndicate that commented for this post got me cornered.

The fact that I had clearly stated this challange as being non-reversable, went straight down the drain as the Girl Gang GANGED UP on me and I got suckered into the demands of giving somethin' free to everyone.

So I thought....well, wot the hell...why not ! Let me put on the SANTA CLAUS garb a wee bit before Xmas and distribute some goodies and freebies to everyone who took an active part in the comment conversations.

ok, so everyone....this is right out from my BAG OF GIFTS. I completely love wot I've got for you all and I really hope you all do too.

THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME DO THIS (grrr). HERE IS YOUR FREE GIFT...

This is a kool screen-capture of YOUR OWN BLOG with it's VERY OWN LINK to your blog, put on display for EVERYONE to see and go to. Yeahhhhhh...

(ANSHU, U don't have a blog yet so if you want me to put a link pointing straight to your bank account, lemme know or else I'll have to think up of somethin' else for you. SAKSHI, somehow ur blog was quite mischievious and didn't allow me to manhandle it. That's why the letter 'S' for your name. TANVI, U already had this one long back.)

Check it out, yo all....!! In Random Order :

Rakesh:

Aruna:

Workhard:

Sakshi:

Imp's Mom:

Nivedita:

Nituscorner:

The Pinkbee:

Looks good, eh??
But hold up. This just a PART of the gift. The kid part. U wanna see the daddy??

Click on big Daddy here -- [ HELL LOTTA LINKS ] and go see your blog SHINING BRIGTLY under the category "ROCKING BLOGGERS" quite in order. Yip yip yippeeeee.... !!

Jingaling....jingaling.......Santa's in town. (wink wink)

Howz the GIFT, yo all ?? :-)

How to get FREE stuff from people..

2009-04-22T04:03:00.051+09:00

Hey, you like FREE stuff?? You do, doncha? Yea, it's kool.

But cooler yet is when :
A) YOU show people a trick (like magic) and ask them to catch you at it. If they can't, you rip them off... or

B) When you make THEM do something that they can be in complete control of yet for some reason are not able to do it and then you demand something free from them.

Option A for me is a kool coin trick. It's even better than the Fly catching trick. At least now, after saying Never mess with Smart Kids, I can safely say - Never mess with me either. *Wink.

Unfortunately..Option A makes Me work my lazy ass rather than having people work for me. That's why option B is where things become REAL interesting. And there are a world of suckers out there that you can try it on.

Devilish thought, inni? And here's another evil thought. My sucker rite now is YOU. Oh Yeah.

Ok so, I'm challenging you to a trick. You ready?? Here we go...

(All you need is a wall and you. That's it. And all you need to do is stand in the way I ask you to. This is NOT an exercise of any sort.)

1) Find a straight wall...Gay wall won't work. (Lol. sorry, that's my dry twisted humor. Plz ignore.)

2) Stick the long straight side of your right foot parallel to the wall. Make sure the entire straight side TOUCHES the wall. You are to keep it touching at all times. Your foot and the wall should become one, so to speak.

3) Next, get your shoulder of the same side (right one) touching the wall. Your shoulder must be touching the wall at all times.

IF you have done the 3 steps above properly...U should be standing with your right foot and right shoulder touching the wall in a straight line and your left hand and left leg should be free. (Something like this toon guy here. If u're standing like him, you're on the right track.)

4) Your hands must be closed in a tight fist at ALL TIMES. No opening the hand (Hand support not allowed).

And now before I tell u the actual challenge part...how bout havin' someone first click your pic that way ?? I'm sure it's one hell of a Kodak moment, no??? I'd love to have that pic if you do get it clicked. :-)

Ok now - The Challenge :-

You have to lift your left leg (the one that's free) - upwards atleast 5 inches above the ground and hold it that way for atleast 30 seconds.
That's it !!

You are allowed to try it as many times as you like to within 5 minutes. Immediately after your 5 minutes are up..you come back and comment on your actions and reactions. I wanna know everything.

By the way, I call this trick the 'Dumb Glue Trick'... cuz the person taking this challenge seemingly gets stuck to the wall with a dumb smile on his face. Notice that dumb smile when you try it on someone. Sometimes it's plain Embarrassing.
Honestly here, I have killed myself laughing on this at lot of times and still counting.
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And now here's what I want from YOU for free - I want you to TWEET this post as many times as you tried doing it.

By the way, You've jus' been HAD by...'yours truly'. Wink. :-)

How to save the day in Office..

2009-04-16T04:08:00.081+09:00

Yea baby...good mood is is contagious. And if u didn't notice the first statement carefully..it makes u say things twice sometimes.
Well, I was the latest recipient of the contagious rocker and hummed 'Baby baby' by Amy Grant, as I entered the place where I usually acted like I was king - La Office.

We had a visiting soft rock band in our office for 2 days. Wot with guitars and drums rollin' out at el. They turned out to be kool dudes and gelled pretty well with everyone around, especially with me - since I was the one who had shown them the way to the loo and the cafeteria - the 2 places of priority, one needs to check out anytime one goes to a new place.

So we had kinda jammed a bit and it turns out the band members and me had a few songs we commonly liked...lyrics and video, both.

Anyways, so as I entered the office, it seemed kinda quite. No one stirred. A few hours passed by with everybody doing their own stuff. It had become downright boring.
Finally, it was hog time - lunch hour. One of those pretty colleagues of mine came over to my desk, took hold of my hand aggressively and made me go with her for lunch in the cafeteria. Uh..we are just friends...

The stillness in the office had affected her into making her go into a romantic mode and talk 'bout things that gave one that dreamy look. Know wot I mean?
So we sat on the table for some chow...when she looked at me and said, "U know, I love my guy actually but I wish he did something kool for me. He never does. Hey, If YOU had a girlfriend and u had to do something like... really really nice for her....wot wud u do?"

My mouth stopped it's chewing motion. The effect was immediate. My face was still down on the food plate somewhere but my eyes looked up...to where she was. THIS was ALL I needed. Another perfect question for me to boggle over on. As if the riddle asked by those pesky, bike riding kids wasn't enuff, this was another one of the googlies thrown at me.

But as usual, since I'm turned on by things that make me think, I got my face on the same level as hers....thought for a minute with one of my eye brows goin' up in a 'twang' and my lips twisting into a crooked smile..

I had noticed that the band members were in the cafeteria too, sitting at one far corner, engrossed within themselves, hogging their own ordered food. I had got an idea.

I told her..."Know wot I'll do??" She looked at me curiously. She had no idea wot I was about to say or do. I said, "hold on", got up and went over to the band. Spoke to them for a minute and came back, all of them following me. My friend's eyes twinkled and she smilingly lifted her shoulders and hands in a 'wot????' look.

I had told the band about her question and my answer was READY. And THEY were gonna help me tell it to her.

The band and me were absolutely mum but kept our SMILES on. Smilingly, the Guitarist slung his Guitar over his shoulder (ya, he takes it everywhere). The guy with the Mouth-Organ readied himself and the lead singer and me put our hands over each other's shoulders. I looked at my colleague and said,"IF I had a girlfriend and if I had to do something really really nice for her.....I wud SING to her. THAT wud be my gift...the BEST that I cud give. And THIS is wot I wud sing...."

The lead singer and me looked at each other and smiled jus' as I said, "let's hit it."

The Guitarist's fingers gently rolled over the cords. As the strings came together in a chorus, the room LIT with enthusiasm. There musta been around 12 or so colleagues of mine in the cafeteria, minding their own business but the guitar arrested their attention.

And on the right cue of the guitar..we both belted out together -- "Baby babyy..."

THAT WAS THE MAGIC MOMENT. EVERYTHING ERUPTED TO L.I.F.E. Our voices boomed in the small enclosure.

We sang...

"Baby, baby, I'm taken with the notion....
To love you with the sweetest of devotion,
Baby, baby.... my tender love will flow from...
The bluest sky to the deepest ocean.....
Stop for a minute.
Baby, I'm so glad you're mine, yeah, You're mine.....

The Guitar, the mouth-organ and our voices blended into ONE. The cafeteria had suddenly turned into a performing stage.
Somebody had informed everybody in the world outside the cafe and slowly by twos and threes and fours...people gathered.

We carried on....a bit louder..the guitar in perfect sync..

"Baby, baby.. the stars are shinin' for you.....
And just like me, I'm sure that they adore you,
Baby, baby, go walkin' through the forest...
The birds above a-singin' you a chorus.
Stop for a minute.
Baby, they're so...glad you're mine, oh yeah..."

Our BOSS had been informed. Someone had made him come here in a hurry. For a moment everyone thought...That's it, the end of today. The music stopped just as suddenly. SILENCE FOLLOWED.

Everyone tensed. People were about to leave in a hurry.

But wonders never cease to happen. As things wud have it, he looked at the band and me and everybody and gave us the 'kool dude in his 20s' look, crossed his hands, twisted his fingers and said "YO...why ya all stop, yo?? That a mah fav song. YO".
That was a bit too much 'YO' in there but who the hell cared....everybody cheered loudly and clapped. Someone shouted "woooohooooohoooooo".

The guitar broke the silence as it twanged loudly back into it's cheerful, capturing rhythm. The mouth-organ went crazy. And everybody clapped. Our boss let out a "Woopiiieeeeeeeee" and we started it again..

"And ever since the day,
You....put my heart in motion....
Baby, I realize that there's,
Just no getting over you....."

Almost everybody was singing along with us now. It had become a chorus.

"Baby, baby, in any kind of weather.....
I'm here for you always and forever,
Baby, baby, no muscle man could sever,
My love for you is true and it will never..
Stop for a minute.
Baby, I'm so glad you're mine..."

Girls had come over and swayed their bodies side by side. My friend was estatic. She was completely involved.

The Cafeteria had turned into Churchgate station at 7 in the evening - hell crowded. My boss suddenly thot he was fit for some lyrics too and he joined in as well. Surprisingly, he knew his stuff. We all sang together...

"And ever since the day,
You.... put my heart in motion....
Baby, I realize,
There's jus no getting over you....."oooooooooo"... my boss shouted in his own sur.

The Guitar played. The mouth-organ let it's melody known. The lead singer gave in his professional touch..

"Baby, baby, be mine..
Baby, I'm so...oooo glad...
Don't stop giving laa-hve...
Don't stop, no...no no nowayss..no.....
Baby, I'm so glad you're maaa haienn..
Baby, I'm so glad....

The guitarist let the last few minutes into a FRENZY OF CORDS. Some guys played their own invisible air-guitars. With the last 5 twangs...the song ended. And when it did....the roar was DEAFNING. The CLAPS threatened to continue till the night. The laughter and general talk was PRICELESS.

The band and me high fived each other and everyone. Work had taken 2nd priority. Music had rescued the day.

The lady in queston hugged me, held my hand tight, her nails digging into my flesh and whispered something in my ear. Something quite little. She had whispered, "You are nice." ;-)

Confessions:
a) I can't sing. The lead dude was the one who sang 80% of the song. I pretended like I cud.
b) My boss CANNOT sing either. Period !
c) My cafeteria now serves better food.
d) IF YOU WANNA SAVE THE DAY IN OFFICE....CALL MUSIC TO RESCUE. Works BIG TIME.
e) We ALL LOVE Amy Grant.

ON behalf of everyone in my office - this is to Amy Grant :--

"Amy, if you ever happen to read this post.....
I want you to know that I thank you for giving this absolutely fantastic, lovable and a super sexy song to the world at large. We all completely love it and we all LOVE YOU."

Click on Amy to check out the song we sang. Be a part of us.

Never mess with smart Kids

2009-04-11T17:52:00.039+09:00

HELLPP !! I've painted myself in a corner and now I'm stuck.

This is what happened.........

I had just about parked my Bike at the usual parking premises at the Society where I stay at when I suddenly got surrounded by a swarm of kids, all shouting the same thing, over n' over - "bike round, bike round, bike round". Sigh...kids !!

Well, What can I say - I'm Sachin Tendulkar in my small nondescript part of the world here....FYI though, I don't stay too far away from the little Master himself.

It's a blackmailing ritual I'm made to perform every time I'm back home from work. Before I cud say anything..the damn kids had already climbed onto the bike and made themselves comfy everywhere they cud. It was amazing how they had left an inch or 2 for MY butts to fit in.
So, as usual, I succumbed under pressure and as per ritual, took them out on the road for their precious 'one bike round' with all of them shouting in glee. People around looked laughing and smiling as I tried my hardest to keep the bike in balance.

That done I thought, I'd finally get some peace when one smart little dude held my hand and said..."I'll ask you a RIDDLE and you won't be able to answer."

I looked down at him, like a tower lookin' down on an ant and said, "Of course, I won't be able to. Now, go play".

I must have walked about a few steps further when he called from behind..."If you can answer, we won't ask for your bike round for 2 whole days."

I skidded into a stop. Did he just say "WE"? This looked like it was planned.

I looked behind. They were smiling their wicked smiles....ALL OF THEM....ear to ear. Yep, it was planned alright. They were up to something.

"Include the weekends and I'll solve your riddle", I said. Hey, bargaining never hurt anyone, did it? "Nooooooo Wayyss." said the kids. The kid said, "2 days, 1 question, c'moooooon, U can answer, it's easy or...are you...SCAREDDDDD??"

These were no kids. These were just good lookin' 'open bear traps'. Brutal. They knew how to trap their victims. Freakin' politicians !! And I fell perfectly into their "You scared?" trap like a fly in a spider's well woven web.

"Scared? Me? Ok smarty, ask your highly intelligent question and I'll answer in record time." I answered.

The moment I said yes, he threw the googly, "Ok, you're not scared BUT......'

Uh oh..did he just say..'BUT'?? Suddenly... MY brain sent me smoke signals. Here it came...the "Me being HAD part". I could feel it in my bones.

"Go on" I said with my eyes wide, obviously feelin' like I was fallin' free into a bottomless ditch. He completed..... "BUT..... if you're not able to answer.....we get FIVE Rounds of your bike everyday, deal?"

BANG. I felt the bottom hit me..hard.

I shouted, "Yo yo yo kid, first of all I WILL answer your dumb question and 2'nd it will be only two."
"No 4".
"No,3 or nothing", I bargained. He quickly agreed and asked, "Ok, done. Now ready for the question?"

"Huh?". He had agreed quite quickly there and I was still thinking. I had a feeling I had already been had. Before I cud think any further he began with his riddle...

"ok, look, a g guy d dies and goes up in the sky, o ok? He wants to g go to heaven. In the sky......."

Nah, there was nothin' wrong with him. He was fine. But this p'ticular little dude stuttered whenever he got excited and goes red in the face...and looks kinda....good lookin' - know wot I mean?

Controlling my impatience, I said, "Oyeee...Should I come tomorrow? I'm sure by that time you would have said something more." I had to pee too and it was gonna be a long one.

"no no, w w wait..wait...wait...In the sky...." he continued in a hurry. "In the sky, he found 2 d doors. Both of them guarded by 2 guards. One d d door was Heaven's and one Hell's. Now this g guy wants to go to heaven, rite? But he doesn't know which is the one for Heaven s s since nothing is written on the door to indicate it."

"On t top of that, one of the g guards always speaks the truth and one lies... like always. So the r r riddle is.......what is that ONE QUESTION ONLY, that the man can ask either of the 2 g guards, so he knows which d door leads to Heaven...and which one to hell ??"

I asked, "One question only? He can't ask 2 ??" "NO, ONLY ONE", He shouted, "and I don't have time, answer in 15 minutes". The cheek of the kid. HE didn't have time he said...Damn kid and here I was dying to pee.

So there I stood thinking..raking my half baked brains. 15 minutes later, I was still standing there, scratching my jaw. This was tougher than cracking the damn CAT. The kids were all smiling cunningly and exchanging glances, with one of their eyebrows reaching for the skies.

Before I cud lose the challenge and my face..I asked for a day and left in a hurry. My loo waited with open arms...uh...door.

While I was making the "aaaahhhh" sound inside...a sudden thought struck me and I realized how I had been had. They had been asking this p'ticular question to just about everyone and had collected a few favors already. They knew this was a toughie and not many could answer. Statistically speaking, they HAD to win more than lose. And I was their latest Bakra. Freakin' half baked rotten eggs.

But the truth was..this was truly one hell of a riddle.

Two guards, heaven...hell...one question...DAMN ! I still don't know the answer. SOMEONE HELP. Save me from the kids. Forget the time limit. I Just wanna get the damn riddle solved now. IF YOU can come up with an answer that satisfies all criteria....I WANT TO KNOW !!! NOW !!

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HEEEEELPPP !!!!!

( Btw, you're now saving YOUR own prestige too. If you aren't able to come up with an answer..be sincere and say, "I'am NOT smarter than a 5th Grader. Lol. ) Oh, and did I mention.....

HAAAAAAAALPPPPPPPPP !!!!!

How to tell if a GHOST is standing next to you..

2009-04-08T16:18:00.054+09:00

If you :
-> are weak in the heart and use heart-beat control devices,
-> are readily superstitious,
-> are scared of the occult,
-> keep your loo door open for emergencies,
-> wear yellow pants when u talk about ghosts so the 'evidence' doesn't show...

I advice u to AVOID reading any further. This is not for you.

I have written The Bajus and The Woman that never was earlier that saw fictional horror. But this is different...and definitely scary. Why ?? Cuz this is NOT a story. It's as REAL as they come.

This is a collation of the reasons and explanations derived by people around the world who have Experienced the unknown...
Seen the occult...
Heard the supernatural...and...
Felt the touch of the ones from the neither-world.

The facts of having experienced evil incarnate itself. Of the ones - that are more popularly known as.... The GHOSTS OF EARTH!!!

These people recently decided to enlighten the world of the basic, everyday instances that we, common folks pass off as "just one of those things" that keep happening with us on n' off.

They have reasoned on why these things happen. Science is unable to provide us with any definite answers since it cannot function without facts.
And therefore, the benefit of doubt most certainly goes to these explanations from the experiences...now turned into research.... and to a certain extent...FACTS.

Now remember - these things happen with all of us, sometime or the other. We hardly ever pay any attention to these and never STOP for a minute to think of the reason why they may have happened in the first place.

But hear this and hear this LOUD and CLEAR ---- WHEN THESE THINGS HAPPEN...YOU ARE MOST LIKELY IN THE COMPANY OF A GHOST... STANDING INCHES AWAY FROM YOU...LOOKING STRAIGHT INTO YOUR EYES. Shhh, don't blink!!!

Here are those things :-

Flickering of Lights: The dead have the ability to create electrical disturbances in order to get your attention. Of course, not every flicker is a ghost. Check the bulb, switch, or the fuse first. If everything seems fine and there is no other explanation.....u know you have company.

Appliances turn on/off: As I said before, Ghosts do have the ability to create electrical disturbances to get your attention and make you aware that they are there. If this is happening..u need immediate HELP.

Cold Chills: When you experience an awkward CHILL in an otherwise normal or warm weather, possibly someone from the world of dead is standing right next to you. Ghosts absorb heat, which is energy in movement, leaving a cold spot or a chill behind. It may be trying to communicate with you. Listen... if you're brave enough.

Pet Behavior: Animals have intense senses and are believed to be superior to humans in this context. It lets them know of the para-normal.
Odd behavior from a pet is a sign that a ghost(s) may be around. To see a Dog looking confused or looking in one straight direction and barking or growling repeatedly for no reason or if a cat starts refusing to go into certain parts of the house or acts like it's been shooed away from something / somewhere....is sign enough..... more so even of the exact location of the ghost. Some researchers have gone on record saying that animals can not only hear and feel but also SEE people after death.

Unexplained Fragrances: We have memories about how our deceased relatives or friends used to smell. If you happen to suddenly get a whiff of that perfume or any smell, for that matter suddenly, when no one is around....try and get out of that place and reach someone ALIVE - quick.

Moving / Missing Objects: Having missing items, such as books, jewelery, personal items are signs of communication from spirits.
Spirits are said to have the ability to move objects to get our attention or to send us a message. And if you happen to see the ACTUAL MOVEMENT, be sure that the message being given to you is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.
Usually, your things appear in different places when you know you hadn't kept them there.

Apparitions: This means you can actually SEE the ghost in it's true FORM for a second or two. This has been known to happen in many parts of the world. Researchers claim apparitions as Real.
The most common apparitions are to see impressions on furniture or a bed as if someone is or was sitting there...etc. You DO NOT want to be there when you see it. RUN.

Voices / Sounds: This is the chilliest of them all. You may lightly hear your OWN NAME being called out of nowhere. Or hear sudden light laughter or chatter when no one is around or in sight. Hearing sounds, such as foot steps, doors opening/closing, music, voices, whispers, rapping, banging, or something being dropped are sure signs of ghosts around u. If you are ever experiencing this...GET OUT from there. You may just have moments to live.
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There you go.
The end result of the research shows that occult need be believed. One would be lying to his ownself if he blames such repetitive occurrences to coincidence. It exists and the unexplainable does happen.

Science has no answers. But then...was Science ever meant to be absolute?? What's your take?

What to do when you are Embarrassed..

2009-04-04T19:26:00.037+09:00

Ok, Picture this :---

You're walking on the street engrossed in your own thoughts and all of a sudden you loose your balance. You let fly everything in your hands, try to balance yourself but the inevitable happens and you fall bang on your butts - hard.
To add insult to injury, a few girls witness your un-choreographed trapeze act and snicker like there's no tomorrow, whispering nonsense to each other.
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.
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Aggghhh.....You cud jus' die there. No????
And that's just one situation. Millions similar to this one happen everyday. The world is a big place.

The question is : How do you react??

Do You:
1. Get up, look at everybody in anger and walk away fuming?
2. Cry out loud, "I want my Mommy...."
3. Just get up, don't make eye contact with anybody and escape off as fast as you can?
4. Get up, make eye contact with everyone, laugh at the situation and say loudly, "yea, that was funny" and walk away laughing?

Hmm..a toughie. (Pssstt.....I was in the same situation not too long back. read on..)

Well, there's a logic to it. Since I think the logic makes sense, I'm sharing it here. You, of course, don't need to follow these steps, if you don't approve.

Here it is - The logic:

1. SMILE.
Immediately after u have goofed up, SMILE your honest smile. No need for any other reaction. You see - you have a choice...to make anything happening to you look good or bad. So why not convert the ugly into something funny and normal.

2. UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC OF STATISTICS.
The most important logic of all - understand this - WHATEVER IN THIS WORLD HAPPENS...happens for that 'LIMITED PERIOD OF TIME' ONLY.

That means...statistically speaking..the chances of the SAME THING happening to you in the exact same situation again is just ONE in a TRILLION. It's absolutely safe to state that the certainty of repetition is highly improbable !!

Further on..that means the next time you fall on your ass, it's IMPOSSIBLE that you fall at the exact same location with the exact set of people witnessing your fall having the exact same reaction again. If it does, you may have witnessed an impossibly rare occurrence. Let the TV channels know.

So, if it's never going to happen again...why should you be embarrassed?? Instead, think of that as an opportunity given to you by some higher up power to learn something from it - on what NOT to do again. Make it into what is popularly known as 'EXPERIENCE'.
.
.
.
BUT how do you deal with it at THAT moment when it is actually happening?? Simple. Just like our gurus have told us to.

When it's actually happening...

A. MAKE EYE CONTACT AND SMILE:
Make eye contact with everyone and SMILE or laugh as per the situation. Remember the logic of statistics.

B. PUT UP A WARNING SIGN:
If it was something that happened to you cuz u didn't notice it, make sure YOU put up a 'warning sign' or something similar, according to the situation, so others don't go through wot u did. The same people who snickered at you, will look at u in amazement and be proud of you. U mite even secretly have become their idol.

C. REQUEST HELP:
Request the onlookers to help you do it. They will, if you insist.

That's it. You're now good to go.

and as to what I did in my situation..
(my embarrassment - the dude had somehow managed to tie a mile long toilet paper on the back of my pants and I roamed around with it for atleast 10 minutes without knowing about it.)

Fine - go ahead imagine it. When your done laughing your ass off..read further...

DONE? Good.
well..I did just what I told you.
Of course AFTER I had done that...the guy was swiftly and safely tied up in the same toilet where the toilet paper had come from, for an hour..away from creating another havoc.
:-)

Kidding.
The logic stands. And it works. Try it. :-)

Animalistic Choices

2009-04-03T15:52:00.021+09:00

I was in the middle of writing a new "How to" but as things wud have it, before I cud complete it, I happened to come across THIS.

And dude, THIS made my friends and me crack up with laughter. There was noways I wasn't gonna share this with you.

Check it out...

I wonder what you're thinking RITE NOW. Probably closer shots?? Wink.

Hey, and while you're in the 'thinking' mode, how 'bout a little creativity??

Temme the BEST CAPTION or TITLE that you think wud fit this one. Be REAL creative and as wild as you can. Freak out. Let's hear you. (wink)

Top 2 excuses by Call Centre agents and how to smartly deal with them..

2009-03-31T23:07:00.055+09:00

You make a call to a call center and if the issue you called up for, happens to be NOT of the ordinary, simple kind...you're in for the following 2 ready-made excuses that they have tried and tested successfully :

1 Our systems are being upgraded, your information is not available with us at this time. Plz call after 24 hours. (Every time you call up. Wot are the odds?)

2 The team leaders and managers are in a meeting, they are not available at the moment. (if u have to complain)

And if these 2 don't work on you, they pull the nuclear weapon of all phone related issues - the deadly 'LONG HOLD'.
They keep u on HOLD till your:
daughter has grown up enough to get married,
wife has found somebody else to talk to and
till that turtle has finally won the damn stupid race...that nobody really cared to watch.

Yep, besides the hold thing, these are the 2 TOP excuses you'll get to hear 90% of the times if you call up 'customer service' for any brand, whatsoever. It's the same story the world over. Sighhh...

First,
a. The IVR (Click on IVR to know what it means) recording screws ur brain making u listen to what U never ideally would.
then..
b. The agent wants to put U on hold for the longest time possible
c. The agent then wants to transfer u to some other department cuz either he is incompetent or is not authorized to resolve that issue
d. Then they say ur problem is 'one of a kind' (any awards for that?) so it can't be solved easily but they will try resolving it in the next 36 hours.

AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!

So, let's cut the damn chase.
Let's deal with this in a SMART way, shall we? Let's show them that we have a few tricks up our sleeves too and pretty neat ones by any standards. And let's pull them one by one, wot say u?

OK, ready? Lets do this !!

First - Make sure u know your preliminaries before u make that call: As in - Be prepared BEFORE u call up:

1. Anticipate the basic questions (security questions or otherwise) that a call center agent is likely to ask you and be ready with those. we don't wanna waste time.
Eg:- Full name, Date of Birth, Correct address etc...

2. Keep the documents ready in front of you.
(My recommendations: Write down all such "always asked" questions in your home diary. No documents necessary while you talk, then.)

Preliminaries over. Now u r prepared. Good.

OK, let's make that call...

Your call is always answered by an IVR machine.
You can't avoid that. So try surviving it instead. Hopefully, it won't be THAT long. (The trick TO FOOL THE IVR comin' up soon. Keep reading this blog.)

Finally, an agent comes online. When that happens, DO NOT start talking about the issue you face...EVEN IF HE ASKS YOU TO (chances are, he's WASTING your time. He may not even be authorized to deal with your issue).

So be smart and instead,

Just touch on the issue with him - very, very briefly (Max 2 lines) and immediately ask him if he has the authority to solve the particular problem you face. If he says yes - give a bit more info about ur problem and confirm...yet again. If he says yes again - go for it.

BUT, if he says no ( U have saved at least 15 precious minutes of ur time ) ask him his name and his team leader's name (and write them down) and ask him to transfer you to the department that can actually resolve the issue.

Once u r transferred to the 'concerned' department, take down the agent and his team leader's names first. Tell him, the names are only for your own knowledge - which is true (write it down so u remember, in case u need to call up again).

If he tries being cute and asks why you wud like to know his team leader's name, pull out you 'anti-cuteness' trick and tell him, "Cuz, I can see you are a professional, the way you are talking to me. So I'm guessing your Team leader wud be too, rite? I like to deal with professionals like you."
I BET his very next words wud be the name of his Team Leader.(strike one. hehee)

Now, before you start discussing your issue, throw him the trick that you have put up your sleeve (the best one yet). The 'I'm in a hurry' trick. Don't be mistaken. This is a BAIT. And YOU are the one holding the line.

How can I be sure he will get hooked??
Simple logic.

Because call center agents are NOT allowed to argue with customers. Besides, there's 60% chances that your call will be recorded automatically. The agent doesn't wanna be down graded or entirely lose his job, does he? Wot with recession n' all.
Hey, we are just exploring our rights - technically. :-)

How do I throw the bait??
Simple.

You literally say, "I can sense you are pretty intellgent and quite professional too.... and since I'm really really in a GREAT hurry, I'm sure u will be able to solve my issue quickly. Isn't this call being recorded by the way??"
SPLASH. Bait thrown. Waiting for the hook to be caught.

He will surely reply, "uh.. thank you sir and if you are in a hurry, I'll do it as soon as possible. And yes sir, ur right, this call might be getting recorded."
(The agents can never tell when and which call of their's gets recorded. The machine is programmed to pick the calls at random on a particular number.)
HOOKED. :-)

Quickly, tell him the issue you face. Be precise. No need to get irate or talk about the past. Just stay on the issue that u face now. Be short.

And immediately after, say, "Look, sorry to be a bother but I REALLY am in a very big hurry. Can you do it quick for me?" Sound exasperated.
And keep adding the words - 'quick', 'R u done?' and 'plz I'm in a hurry' as the conversation continues. But don't sound pathetic or like ur pleading. You're the boss. Just sound like ur truely in a hurry but always be in command.

That would assure you of 2 things -
1. He will try to do ur stuff in a hurry, and
2. He's not gonna be able to pull his 'HOLD THE LINE' trick on you..cuz' u have already reversed it with your "I'm in a hurry" line....
Hehee, u sly devil u !!

That's about it. You shud have your issue resolved in record time.
Now, compare this call time and the amount of time you used to make..uh..waste.. talking to call center guys earlier?? U'll realize the difference.

Smile and Enjoy !!

Ok now, having said that, Plz Remember :

1. Talk respectfully. They deserve it, regardless of how you think of them.
2. Patience is really a virtue. Some issues are really big. They can't be resolved using the above formula.
and
3. Be sure to let them know you appreciate their efforts.( You may be smart but u ain't no meanie, r u? )

Happy calling a call centre.
Toodledoo. :-)

Shamelessly expressed..

2009-03-31T03:22:00.009+09:00

Words...when weaved together...can move mountains.

Shamelessly expressed,
yet mysteriously hidden so-
Words scattered carelessly,
Tears now threatening to show.

Here I stand before you
Naked than ever before -
I sold my soul to emptiness
Hope - I have no more.

I turn my face away from you,
To not see you turning your back on me;
I dry my tears as fast as I can,
Before you can pretend not to see.

I fiercely hold my words back,
Before you can act aloof;
And drown myself in irrelevance
My scars, the only remaining proof.

I watch you sleep blissfully
While I die a little each day,
I close my eyes and speak to the silence
Of everything you didn’t let me say.

How I Made 500 bucks in 10 minutes...

2009-03-28T05:37:00.050+09:00

Look, this is gonna hurt your pride if u think this is below your level...mental or otherwise...and it probably is. But me? Hell..I'm ready to stoop to any legal level if it gets me 500 bucks every 10 minutes.

So how did I make 500 bucks in 10 minutes you ask?

Well, I laid a BET with the guys in office that I could hypnotize a fly without touching it and once it is hypnotized, it will stay where it is and allow me to lightly reach out and lift it by it's wings.

They thought it was impossible to do that...jus' like you are thinking now. And that's precisely why I bet 100 bucks, I could do it - to anyone who thought otherwise.

At the same time, I made the challenge reversible so they knew I wasn't up to any tricks and that I myself would have to pay up if I couldn't do as I had challenged.

Sure enough...a sucker came along. The same guy who had earlier asked me if I had ever worn a Yellow chaddi.

Ok now, before I go on...trust me when I say this...It really is Possible to hypnotize a fly!!

Learn how it's done:
1) Let a fly sit near u. Be silent.

2) Once it seems settled down..Slowly circulate your hand in a wide circle around a feet ABOVE it (make it a 2 ft. diameter circle)...be slow and a bit high at first.
Ever so slowly descend your hand, and ACCELERATE your circling, and spiral in over it. Continue fast, tight, circles for about 5 seconds just above it.

3) Once you've done enough circles, TRUST me..the fly WILL get confused. Call it hypnotized, if u will. In fact, so much so that it will plainly refuse to fly - and it don't matter even if it sees an ELEPHANT'S ASS descending on it.

If done properly, you can easily pick it up by a wing. Takes practice, but if I could do it, so can you.

So on with my story...

It was around 5 in the evening and a few of my colleagues (around 5) and my 'bakra' followed me like THEY were hypnotized, to the local chai wala anna downstairs. Flies louveeaa his place. It's a fly's CCD....Male flies come there to pick up girls...

So, everyone was dying to see me do the...Mission Impossible. All 7 of us confortably sat on a table for 4, as I chose my target that had just landed on our table - a fat fly.

I shhhhhed them all into silence. I narrowed my eyes..they narrowed theirs. I concentrated and ever so slowly manipulated my right hand palm over my 'victim'. As I hovered my hand over it... I focused all my energy on the task at 'hand'. I was slow...I was steady...in between I dropped a sweat drop or two and......finally... I was DONE.

I had successfully done the trick that seemed near impossible to do (I've told u already how it's done). It worked like a charm.

Once I was done, the fly DECLINED to move even as I neared my hand close to it as I heard a few "wooooohhs, oooohss and holy shiiitttt mannn s".

I lifted the fly up, gently ofcourse, by one of it's wings, held it for jus' over a few seconds and placed it down on the empty table near ours. The moment I placed it, it flew like a chopper in a hurry taking a wild right turn.

I looked at my colleagues but they were busy staring at space to spot the fly, wondering if it was still groggy and if that had really happened. Slowly everyone turned, with their mouths open, towards my smiling, beaming with pride face. I had done the MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. Hell Yeah !!

After they had slurped their saliva back in and closed their mouths, one of the colleagues suddenly shouted to the guy who had challenged me, "CHAL PAISA NIKAAL". Innocent lil me quietly put the 100 bucks into my pocket, while we all sipped Anna's tasty tea...making as much noise as possible....sluuurrrrppppp.....aahhhh blisssss........ !!

In the next 5 minutes, 5 other BAKRAS joined us at the tea stall and the bet was ON again...100 bucks each. One of them declined it but the rest were bang on.

Sighhhhh....500 bucks in 10 minutes. Not a bad day at office, no ??? Atleast now, u can do something other than SWAT the poor fly, eh??

SWATTTT. WHACK.

How to smartly answer the interview question: 'Tell me about Yourself'.

2009-03-25T20:01:00.088+09:00

This is the single most dreaded question you have to answer to in an interview.

So you ask:
How do I begin?
How long do I keep talking?
Where do I stop?
When do I know the interviewer thinks it's enough already? Damn !!

I'll be trying to tell u the best and the smartest way possible. We'll do it the known way - Only , we are going to tweak it up a bit.

First, Our aim:
-> Our aim is to amaze and wow the interviewer,
-> Do what he does not expect us to do and
-> WIN the battle half way through.

Yep, it's a little unconventional but here it is....

* Keep your eyes open.
When u r waiting in the designated waiting room with 25 other applicants for the interview to happen...LOOK AROUND.

* Notice and Remember the following..
A) Count the no.of ACs, lights, benches, steps, tiles, people etc that u can and MEMORIZE the count.

B) If possible, read the tag names of the receptionist and the waterboy and MEMORIZE their names.

C) Ask and know the name of the interviewer himself and MEMORIZE his name.
Make a casual conversation with your fellow inteviewees and ask their names and MEMORIZE them.

Kool??
OK, now ur armed with enough extra but relevant information that no other guy in the same room has. Good.

We are going to make some cunning use of this information when we are one on one with the alleged scary interviewer and TAME him. Hell yeah !!

Ready?
OK, U step inside the room and see your single audience. The mighty monster sits on the chair...unsmiling.

SMILE BRIGHTLY and say "Good afternoon, Mr D'souza (his name)."
(He's amazed, No one knows his name yet. U got his interest already.)

If he asks you how you knew his name, tell him, "Well, Raghu, the water-boy outside is quite a helpful guy and a nice person. Besides, Monika, the receptionist, also mentioned your name and said you're a kool person."
And shake hands with a FIRM grip (not crushing).
(Strike one. Snicker snicker)

Just as you place your sweaty butts on the chair - he throws 'THE QUESTION' at you as u see his lips twist, forming those words in slow motion...."TELLL MEEEE SOMETHINGGGG ABOUTTTT YOURSELFFFFFF" -- as he browses through your resume...already interested.

Remember here - Your interviewer is NOT looking for a 15-minute talkathon. All he wud like to have is a few razor sharp sentences that set the stage for further discussion and sets you apart from your competitors.)

So, how do I begin?
Begin with:(When u begin, DO NOT say hi or hello again, U've already done that when u walked into the room).

1. Your name (full) and age: (Max 2 statements)
(State your birth date...including the year of birth.)
DO NOT include your family here. Don't say - oh and I have 2 brothers, 1 sister and 2 lovely pet dogs - Rover and Tommy. It's about YOU..not your family, etc. Take a 2 second breather and move ahead..

2. I'm enthusiastic and passionate about...(your interests) (No more than 4 statements)
(Be specific - maximum 2 interests only (even if you have more. And talk about the ones u have DONE, NOT what you intend to do later)).

Once ur done with those 4 sentences...recall ur extra info...and Say, "I also have an off hand interest in noticing the interior designs of homes and offices, u know. It's quite some work done in this office too. I mean the waiting area is well structured. 4 ACs, 5 lights, bright tiles and well colored off white room makes for a good, positive place to wait." STOP. SMILE.
(and enjoy his amazement. Move on to the next point before the 'by now half tamed tyrant' opens his mouth to ask something else.)

3. I have achieved or done...(your strong positive work points) (Max 2 statements)
(ONE sentence of what u have done so far that you are proud of). What you can do with real ease and how it can be beneficial to THIS company.

And lastly,

4. I aim to achieve...in the near future. (Max 2 statements)
(wot you aim to achieve with pure hard work and dedication and how it can be beneficial to the company.)
DO NOT talk about how you can make other people do their work with diplomacy and cunning-ness etc.. U say that and ur almost IMMEDIATELY DE-SELECTED, UN-SELECTED..a.k.a REJECTED.

Get ur memory working again and say, "By the way, you will have some others after me and 2 of them, Lenny and Ankit have the same aim. But I guess I beat them on dedication." SMILE.

THAT'S IT. You're DONE. You've answered the most dreaded question in 4 small points..in no more than 9 or 10 lines...BEAUTIFULLY. Wow..way to go.

What a difference you've made with your short, crisp "About You" and What a MASSIVE difference you have made with your little extra effort and a smart trick.
The interviewer thinks...this guy said so little..yet he said it all..and he knew wot no one else did too...wow.

He is now SITTING FORWARD in his chair giving you his complete attention for further questions. Baby, U're already winning and you are jus' warming up. :-)

A few quickies to get you through:

(1) When u walk into the room for the interview , be sure to be SMILING and shake hands with a FIRM grip (not crushing).

(2) It's ok to request for a glass of water if your throat suddenly decides to dry up and lips parch....(ANY time between the interview). Ask smartly though - "Would you mind if I had a glass of water? I want to be sure you hear me clearly" and SMILE. If he smiles too..ur still winning.

(3)While you talk, make eye contact. DO NOT move your hands in the air aimlessly. A few stresses on a few points is ok...no more. Keep your hands on your lap most of the time..NOT on the table in front of you. (This gives the impression of you sitting in the right posture and the illusion that you are attentive (if u really are.hehe) )

That should do it. Best of luck for beginners and experienced alike.

If You guys go about this this question in a different way or think differently... or if u have different views on this...do LEMME KNOW. Let's benefit everyone here.

I'll leave u with this practical thought:
An Interview is nothing but a meeting of 2 equally important people. You are there only cuz that company needs you and vice versa. So hold ur chin up and GO GET IT, tiger !!

The Woman that Never was...

2009-03-21T22:09:00.039+09:00

It seemed like a night for enjoyment. Everyone was havin' the time of his life. Camp fire is the best place to show off your guitar and singing talents. And if the camp fire happens to be on a beach...nothing like it.

Yogi was all of 21. His group of friends and him had this one planned weeks ahead.

The beach picnic of sorts was set for an over-night stay for Saturday and back home on Sunday. Atleast 7 friends of his, excluding their girlfriends had hired a car and had been to the beautiful beach not so far away, on the outskirts of Mumbai.

The guitar played on in the clear night and some girls danced. It was fun. Atleast an hour or two had passed. It was dark all around except the fire and it's surroundings.

Yogi was enjoying but he had felt like havin' a smoke. It was around 2 in the night. He got up and strolled slowly away from the crowd, a few feet away. Sitting down, he lit himself a cigarette. Pitch dark ocean and the waves running up and down the beach looked awesome as if teasing anyone who wud like to catch em'.

As he puffed away....he saw something. It took him a minute but he recognized the shape. It was undoubtedly the shape of ....

A WOMAN....standing far at the other side of the beach..quite a distance from the water. It was only the outline of the woman he could see . Her hair blew lightly in the night breeze.

'Great. Another one for a smoke I guess', Yogi thought. But something made him twitch at the back of his neck. Something was wrong or so he thought.

Yogi watched.

The woman was staring straight at the Ocean...as if she had forgotten to blink. Her behavior din't seem normal. Either she was thinking something really deep or she had some...not so natural plans.

She was around 5.7' in height. Bare feet, she seemed to be wearing something black. It wasn't a dress, it looked one piece. It seemed like a saree.

She began to walk.

The woman wearing a black saree was walking bare feet, in a straight line.....rite at the ocean. Yogi had lit another cigarette and could see her feet leaving marks on the sand. He wondered wot she intended to do. Maybe a midnight dip.

The woman walked with grace, unblinking towards the ocean. She had a slith figure. Her hair flew everywhere in the breeze that had become a bit stronger now. She reached the edge of the ocean as the water rushed to wet her feet. She did not step back. She kept on moving forward.

And suddenly, as if a sudden thought had stuck her, she stopped. Yogi watched. The woman slowly turned her head...and looked STRAIGHT AT YOGI...and smiled.. a wicked smile.

Yogi hadn't anticipated this. He hadn't thought the woman might have known that he was watching her. The woman's move had been sudden. Yogi's cigarette slipped out of his mouth...

Though she looked normal, Yogi's senses told him otherwise. She was staring at him with a continued gaze...never blinking. Yogi shivered.
Just as suddenly, she looked away... and faced the sea once again. She resumed her walking into the sea. She kept on moving and the water rushed to meet her in force.

She was going deep and deeper yet. She kept on moving. The water now had reached her breasts. Most of her body had disappeared in the water. As she kept on with it...the water rose to meet her face...her nose...her eyes...and in the next few seconds..

SHE WAS GONE. Underneath the great ocean.

Yogi was alarmed. He could no longer see her. She was completely immersed under the water. He got up as if to do something.....maybe to call out to his friends for help.

For some reason, he decided to wait for a few seconds. Maybe she would come up for air in a second or 2. He waited. The seconds ticked.

Now atleast around 20 seconds had passed. No woman. 30 seconds. 40. 50.............ONE MINUTE. THE WOMAN WAS INSIDE THE WATER AND IT HAD BECOME AN ENTIRE MINUTE.

Yogi was about to cry for help when suddenly......

The woman EMERGED.

HE saw from where he stood..the hair of the woman..followed by her head, neck...her body coming out of the water..slowly. In slow strides she walked..out of the sea and into the beach...she walked. She held something in her hand.

She walked in a straight line..staring rite ahead...unblinking..just as she had before she had gone into the water.

Yogi just stared at her wide eyed... He sensed something wrong..very very wrong. His head was signaling him wildly but he couldn't understand. His eyes never left the woman as she walked onto the beach..slowiy distancing herself away from the water.
As she reached the end of the sandy beach...he saw wot she held in her hands.....or wot he thought he saw..

Yogi's senses went NUMB with FEAR. She held a HEAD...cut from the body, by it's hair in her right hand.

And just as he had seen that, as if on cue, the woman once again turned her evil head and looked STRAIGHT AT YOGI...

She was looking straight at him, her eyes wide, smiling wickedly, her head held hand tightened in a fist for better grip. And once again, jus as suddenly, she turned her head , looked straight ahead and walked slowly away...into oblivion.

Yogi was still transfixed. Something still disturbed him. The evil was gone into the night..yet.....

And then...he realized what it was that made his hair stand behind his neck. When she had emerged from the water.... and was walking towards the beach...

THE WOMAN HAD NOT GOT WET AT ALL.

As if she had never gone into the ocean...and yet...SHE HAD !!! The woman that never was !!

Yogi believes in ghosts and prefers not going to the beach at nights now. He has since graduated and told about this to only a select few.

In the Horror Jungles - "The BAJUS" Part 2.

2009-03-17T17:55:00.032+09:00

Don't read ahead till U have read the earlier story.
Click here to read part 1.

Read the concluding part:-

The figure moved slowly..in supreme confidence knowing well that the target was now his.

This time, although Agni's father stood still, the figure inched forward..coming closer and closer to the dim light. Slowly..as the light come upon the figure..Agni's father could see him better.

WOT HE SAW....made him take a few steps back and recoil in pure horror.

He was staring at EVIL INCARNATE. This was the DEVIL himself.

The hood he had mistaken for earlier was actually the long hair of the devil, that had covered the face.

As light fell onto it's face, the hair gave way.
Agni's father saw the horror facing him. This 'thing' had no eyes..if it did..it was covered by a thin membrane of flesh upon it. Whether the eyes blinked from within...he couldn't tell.

The mouth - had no clown smile, as rumoured. It was a big, sick, gaping black hole of an opening with rotten teeth and tongue.

It's hands were large...huge..and dark black in color. The robe he wore either covered his legs well or..he sailed 2 inches above the ground.

The BAJU had inched himself now towards Agni's father's side of the road and it didnt seem like he was now ging to stop cming forward.

The BAJU had decreased the distance to no more than 30 or 35 steps between them.

The darkness of the surrounding forest seemed cruel..as if it somehow favoured the devil in his task. WERE THERE MORE HIDING IN THERE???? He hoped to God not.

Agni's father was in shock at the situation he was in. But being a strong willed person, he made an instant decision. He was going to try and escape. That was his only chance - escape.

He held his sharp Kukri in one hand, his thick long bamboo like stick in one, extended both his arms and shouted aloud.."Ruk Jaa. Saale ruk jaa warna yahan hi maar daalonnga." (Stop. Or I'll kill u rite here.)

The voice boomed and the reaction was instant. The BAJU stopped immediately..maybe cuz he handn't expected this reaction from his victim. Or maybe cuz the voice he heard had threatning enuff that cudnt be ignored.

Agni's father STOMPED his bamboo on the ground hard making a loud noise and once again shouted in a more threatning tone..."RUK JA. CHALA JA.. WARNA KAAT DALOONGA. SAALEEEE."

The BAJU stood still like he was gauging the situation.

Agni's father was now backing away slowly from the devil in a round about turn...stomping the bamboo loudly with every step. He was taking a round turn and actually turning the way he was supposed to be going..never taking his eyes off the BAJU.

Agni's father kept backing up towards his way and increasing the distance from the BAJU. Slow and steady was doing the trick for him.

The BAJU still stood, yet undecided on action...facing Agni's father.

The distance kept getting bigger. Agni's father never took his eyes off the THING, never stopping the bamboo stomping. The distance grew.

The Baju still unmoving...Agni's father knew wot he had to do now. For the first time, taking a big chance..he turned his back towards the devil..........and RAN.

The road was clear, and straight. Agni's father RAN FOR HIS DEAR LIFE !!

He ran like he had never run before. For a mere moment, almost out of breath, he looked back to see if the devil was still standing.

NO.
The BAJU had disappeared....and a tree seemed to have appeared quite close to the very spot where the Baju had been standing..............

Nepal.
Small villages. Low poplation. Deep forests.
They say the BAJUS have lived there for the last 500 years !!!

Nepal Jungles. Beware the BAJUS !!!

PS: This story has been naratted by Agni himself. He works as a watchman for us. His father now avoids forest areas.

In the Horror Jungles - "The BAJUS" Part 1.

2009-03-16T04:57:00.048+09:00

He shuddered from time to time as he described it. The horror of it was absolute. The man was shivering and this was after he'd had 2 full pegs of local wine and more than an hour to relax. The man was around 55 of age and he was shivering like a leaf.

N e p a l.
Outskirts of Ghale Gaon Village. Around 205 Kms Northwest from Kathmandu. The nearest Roadhead at Khudi.

The man's elder son, Agni, was not just surprised..he was shocked at his father's condition. He had known him to be a power house of a man. The word fear had never found place in his dictionary. Yet here he was...doing exactly that.

After a few pegs of local wine...after he had relaxed a bit and a bit of coaxing later..he had got started on the events of his back track journey home.

Deep jungles in Nepal are common place. Distances between villages are lengthy with almost no visible roads to walk on. kukri knife and a long thick stick are the usual weapons for self protection against sudden attacks by animals and thieves. People do not venture far from their homes after around 7 in the evevning.

Wild animals and thieves, though, are not the primary reason for not venturing out at nights..or anytime of the day in deep jungles..Something else is. Especially near Ghale Gaon. STRANGE things are known to happen to people who dare to..or are by some unfortunate circumstances left out in the open.

The jungles are rumored to be inhabited by something.......Unknown. It seemed more than one.

The unknown, in the course of time, gained anonymity as the most feared...and were christened by ancient old men as the dreaded BAJUS. This name, made grown, experienced men shiver in their skins.

No one could tell what the BAJUS looked like, the description had always been vague but who ever thought he had seen them swore on one thing......

The Bajus could change themselves into different shapes and sizes almost on thought. Two of the shapes that were often described were those of trees and clown-type-smile humans.
The fixed smile that stretched across the face in a most inhumanly and a disturbing manner.

As to who or what the Bajus were...no one knew !!

Agni's father had gone to the village for some chore of his in the morning and was supposed to return before night fall. Somehow, he had lost time and later realizing it was going to be late...had hurried to reach the safety of his village as fast as possible.

He had left the place of his work by around 8. The distance between that place and his own was a good walk of an hour or 2. The road in between..one made by people's feet going through it often..was barely visible..but straight enuff to do the job.

Pleasant evening had converted into tasteless night and the jungle made it seem more frightening than it really was...as usual. Agni's father walked through the forest at a faster pace. He was not afraid...only in a hurry to reach home. He had been through this road a number of times before.

With Kukri and the long stick in his hand, he went through shrubs and small trees through the beaten path...following it religiously...never faltering. The thicket was long that didn't seem to end.

The night was complete. One could hardly see. The only noise he could hear was that of his own feet crumpling the leaves and small twigs as he walked. He could hear himself breath.

He kept on walking until he came to a big clearing. From this point on..he knew it was a straight road ahead. He knew he had left the most dangerous part behind...the depth of the jungle. He could actually see the road ahead in the clearing..long and wide...as far as his eyes could see. Atleast now he knew he would be walking in a clearing and he will be fore-warned in case of any wild animal attack.

It was like a man-made road, wide enuff for 4 men to walk together side by side to cover it's width. Infact, this was the part of the jungle that showed intrusion by man....a single dim street light placed on the side of the road...tied by a tree somehow. The light hardly managing to spread itself more than 1 feet on either side.
But it was a source of hope..encouraging a passer by such as Agni's father to think he was going to make it to his destination safe and sound.

Agni's father had barely emerged from the jungle thicket onto this road when he stopped short in his tracks.

Far from where he was..straight ahead, beyond the street light..he saw a FIGURE APPEAR AND A TREE DISAPPEAR. The disappearance of the tree was a mere nano-second flash. But he HAD seen that. Had he actually ?? Or was the darkness playing tricks with him??

The figure was bathed in darkness. Only the outline showed. Confusion and fright took over almost immediately.

Agni's father was on the left side of the road and the figure had seemed to be on the right of it. He could be another passer by like me..was an immediate thot. But..why wasn't the figure moving?

Agni's father resumed his walk..slowly..step by step, keeping his eyes on the figure ahead. As soon as he moved..he saw the figure move too. The figure moved slowly as well..step by step...just as cautiously.

Agni's father's head rang an alarm. The intuition was strong. He stopped walking. The figure stopped too. The alarm got stronger.

Clutching his stick harder, he took another step. The figure reflected the move. Agni's father decided that he might as well keep walking cautiously since maybe that person was just as cautious as him..maybe even afraid. And thats why he seemed suspicious.

As he walked slowly, he saw the figure move slowly too. The figure was approaching Agni's father in slow steps. He still could not see the figure clearly. The distance between him and the light was just as much as the distance of the figure to the light, on the other side.

As he kept walking..he realized something that made his mouth go dry, eyes widen and STOP IMMEDIATELY.
The figure was reflecting his every move. The figure was moving at the same time, at the same speed with ONE TINY DIFFERENCE.

While Agni's father walked straight on his side of the road..the figure WAS NOT doing the same thing. Slowly and surely, the figure was inching his way towards the middle of the road.

That only meant one thing. The figure, in a few minutes, would come directly FACE TO FACE with him.....

Agni's father panicked. He went on high alert. His life might be at stake. He had to save himself...there was no question about it. This was NO innocent passerby. This was wot they had warned everyone about. This was none other than a.....BAJU and he was the TARGET.

He made an immediate stop and saw that the figure was almost to the middle of the road now and had reached near the light lamp.

He could see that the figure was dressed in all black from head to toe. Nothing of his could be seen..not hands.. nor feet..nor face. The face was covered in a hood of some sort.

Something else grabbed Agni's father's attention..something other than this figure..Yes..he had heard something... A voice.. what was it??

It seemed like...a very low pitch 'hmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm' at short intervals and then an extremely low evil laugh coming from the breath of wot lay in front of him....

The figure..moved...

This is what happened next...

The Legend of Krishna - Part 3 (The last)

2009-03-14T03:28:00.047+09:00

DON'T - read ahead unless u have read the earlier parts of the story.
(Part 1) and (Part 2)

The story so far in brief..

David, a newspaper reporter, had dared himself into breaking the myth..THE LEGEND OF KRISHNA. The legend had it that on chosen nights, Krishna - the handsome god, himself came down in the beautiful huge garden at the back of the temple in Vrindavan, with his gopis - his women followers and danced the night away. No one was allowed to see this spectacle. David had given the guards of the temple a slip and had managed to get inside the temple, eventually parking himself atop a tree to see if this actually happened.
He had seen something..So far he had seen the women and was quite s'prised but there was no Krishna yet...or so he had thought.

He had heard the new woman say to everyone.."Vo aa rahe hain" (He's coming).

The women had all gathered and were looking in the same direction. They knew someone was coming...The night had become absolutely silent yet again...this time it seemed unbearable.

Read the concluding part:-

He knew..Whatever happened next..he was going to remember it the rest of his life. He held on tightly to the branch...ever so tightly.

Something had been bothering him rite from the very moment he had seen the women. He couldn't place his finger on it. But NOW..he knew. The answer had suddenly taken him aback..it had made no sense..and yet..it was true. He was aghast. The answer had changed him into a believer in a flash..a mere instant.

The answer was rite in front of his eyes. Though, it had been the dead of the night..pitch forest dark..as nature has it..yet..from the very moment he had seen the women, he cud see AS CLEAR AS THE DAY...

How cud he see?? Was it him, was it the night or this pure magic that was slowly unfolding in front of his very eyes?

It was Lady Night.
The NIGHT had slowly and gracefully transformed into a generous warm glow on the clearing where the women were, as if she herself was in anticipation of wot was about to happen.

To David...this was not happening..this was illogical. It was beyond him. To even think of reporting this was insane.

And then..he SAW....he saw a figure...far in the night...in the direction straight ahead. The women cheered.

THE LEGEND WAS ABOUT TO TRUE..

His eyes didn't blink..What he saw took his breath away..

He saw a young looking man....walking slowly in his direction escorted by the beauteous woman who had gone ahead to meet him. As he approached..David cud see better..

The young man couldn't have been beyond 25 years of age and he was undoubtedly extremely HANDSOME..or..was he absolutely gorgeous? He couldn't decide. He was handsome in a way that if he ever felt like enacting the part of a woman in a play, he would still stand out looking the most gorgeous in a crowd of women.

He saw that the young man was a shade darker than the brown skin....and he was dressed as a rich villager.

As the man approached nearer, David cud make out that he was dressed in a light golden dhoti wrapped around his waist in a neat wide bow...the bow end stretched longer than usual making it look perfect. Above the Dhoti, on his upper body, he wore nothing except a long flowing same color cloth that went from one of his sides all the way across his neck and coming back down to his other side, in one smooth flow.

He had, on the area of his triceps, golden, thick bangles carved into beautiful designs... on both his hands.

He wore a golden necklace and 2 different free size bead necklaces around his neck. He also had a huge white flower garland on him that apparently the woman had put on him when she had gone forward to greet him and he had lovingly accepted.

The man wore a golden colored cloth on his head which seemed as if he had himself wrapped it and made it into a head gear.
And upon that head-gear stood shining proud - a beautiful long and a multicolored Peacock feather.
David's heart thumped loudly as he saw something else that made his eyes widen a bit more than it already was. As the divine entity walked onto the clearing..he saw that he clutched something long in his right hand.

The FLUTE...
that had the power to attract all 3 creations when played - Earth, Hell and the Heavens.

Not only was the flute long..but beautifully carved as well and it looked as if it was made to belong to just one person - especially since it had a small peacock feather tied at it's end too.

The Man had never ceased smiling. It was heavenly. He had long lashes and his eyes were big and seemed to have in them the understanding of every emotion and vast wisdom.

David knew who this was. HE KNEW. Instinct played no part in this recognition of his. It was obvious. He could be NO ONE ELSE.

Yet, he had to confirm. He just had to. This thought had barely crossed his mind when he saw the women cheer and rush towards him gleefully. All his doubts lay to rest when all of them shouted almost at the same time...

"Krishnaaaaaaaa......welcome.....welcome.."...and he had smiled.

David's heart almost leaped out of his body as he whispered to his unbelieving self, "Oh my God..I'm looking at him...rite now.. The God of Gods, the maker himself..rite in front of my very own eyes = KRISHNA THE SUPREME !!!..Oh my GOD...."

The name 'Krishna' went across his lips, under his breath and David had become mesmerized from this moment on.

He saw the trees lower themselves as Krishna walked past them..in a bid for a chance of a life time to touch him jus' once. He saw the heavens light up as he saw people above the clouds...

Or....he was just imagining all this. He didn't know. He couldn't tell the real from the mesmerizing to the enchanting.

He could see the clearing from his branch. The events of the enchanting night unfolded.
Krishna smiled and playfully ran lightly across the green grass, his flute in his hand and his peacock feather flowing graciously in the light breeze of the night...the women ran too following him as if trying to catch him and he took cuts and turns to avoid being caught.
He eventually got caught and everybody laughed. Krishna smiled at everyone and took his flute to his mouth.

Krishna had not yet spoken a single word from him mouth. He smiled and stretched his hands looking at the beauteous woman to come to him. The woman lowered her head and shied away looking at a different direction.

And then....it happened. David heard.

David heard the Lord speak. Krishna had a playfully naughty smile on his face. He looked at the woman and said "Radhae, won't u come and dance with me?" It was as if the heavens had moved. His voice had an undeniable charm filled with emotions.

David had heard the LORD speak. Beyond description !

That stunningly beautiful woman was none other than 'Radha'. Krishna had called her 'Radhae' lovingly. The women teased them both.

Radha slowly came to his side. Immediately after this, Krishna lifted his flute to his mouth and played it. The effect was enchanting. The tune was making magic happen.

David cudn't believe at what he was witnessing. His eyes had almost come out of it's sockets. He saw every woman take her own place in the grass, they all stood in a circle at equal hand length. They knew wot was going to happen.

Krishna was DUPLICATING himself. Suddenly there were 19 more Krishnas. One each for every gopika. All looked the same..all enchanting..all handsome..all smiled. But only one had the flute.

The music had begun. Every Krishna held one gopi's hand and the dance began. The heavens lit up. David watched. Each Gopi's Krishna danced. He had lost the real Krishna in the crowd of duplicates. Everyone was an original now.

They danced in a circle..the motions flawless, the moves fabulous..mesmerizing.

It went on. David had lost track of time. Time didn't matter. The dance went on and on and on.....
and just as suddenly....everything was gone..everybody had left..There was no Gopi..there was no Krishna..the clearing was just as lonely as it was when he had climbed that tree that evening.

What had happened?? DId he lose time? DId he blink for a second? DId he doze off suddenly?? He didnt know..He swore to himself he had seen everyone dancing a mere second ago.

No ..no no.. wait ..he DID see someone below...in the clearing. YES HE DID.

The gopis were gone..Radha had left..but the enchanting light had remained..and KRISHNA had remained....was he seeing things??

He moved a bit. Yes he was right..he had moved a bit to his left, all that he could afford to rite now and confirmed from another position..that he wasn't seeing things..Krishna was still there.

Krishna was standing at the clearing - alone. Why? David didn't know.
He held on. He watched.

Putting his flute back in it's holder-rope that was tied to his dhoti, Krishna strolled towards the very tree David was hiding in.

Did he know ?? David thot.
After all how cud he ? No one did. He hadn't made any sound either. None at all. He was too mesmerized to.

David still waited..his heart thumping loudly..his eyes unblinking.

Krishna was walking ever so slowly to his tree. As he reached it, he touched the tree...... the tree felt alive.

David was looking from above..not knowing wot wud happen next..
Wot happened next...is only wot was completely unimagined.

KRISHNA LOOKED UP....STRAIGHT INTO DAVID'S EYES. Everything inside David stopped. He breathed..but only hardly. He wasn't blinking..not believing.

Looking straight up at David, a smiling Krishna, ever so lovingly said,
"Ab toh mujhe dekh liya na? Ab toh neeche aajao?" (Now that you have seen me, won't you come down now?)
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David had become terminally ill the very next day.
Somehow, he had hurredly managed to finish writing the events of the night. He had either intentionally or unintentionally skipped the part of his conversation with the God.

He was found dead 2 days later at his home.
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THE LEGEND OF KRISHNA LIVES ON !!!

The Myth still stands...

The Legend of Krishna - part 2

2009-03-11T10:39:00.025+09:00

David had dared himself into breaking the myth of the The Legend of Krishna ( Read The Legend of Krishna - Part 1 here).

The legend that had the followers of the lord believing that the lord himself came down in the Garden of the Temple on chosen nights with his horde of Gopis and danced the night away.

He had chosen a tree near the clearing in the forest and had hidden himself atop the branch high up in the tree. He just wanted to be a silent observer to the night's events ..IF anything happened.

His own conviction wasn't working on him. Somewhere deep inside he had known..something was going to happen..something big..something..out of the ordinary. Was the legend true?? What if it was?
He wanted to drop his plan..he wanted so desperately to trust his instinct, get down that tree right at this moment and run to where life was.

It was around 1 in the night. He had relaxed a bit..in-fact he had almost dozed off thrice. The night had seemed normal with it's usual sounds of the cricket, the bugs, the vile mosquitoes.

Suddenly...everything had gone quite...as if everything had stopped in it's path to listen.

The silence was deafening. Something was happening. SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING !!

David was suddenly on high alert. He didn't know why..but he knew instinctively..something was about to happen. He strained to look beyond his own line of view. He had scanned every direction from his place up in the tree. He saw nothing. Yet, the silence had maintained.

And then...........he saw.
He saw something..someone...far at the end of his line of view.

David found it difficult to breath. He didn't know wot to think..wot to do.
He gripped the branch he was on tightly to be sure he didn't make any sound. He breathed ever so slowly.

Whoever he saw, was coming directly towards him. But he was a bit confused. He couldn't see properly who it was but the sound he had heard was of more than 1 person...or did it seem that way? He strained to listen carefully. He was right..it was more than 1 sound. What was that sound? What was it? It sounded like - light, dignified whispers of... women - talking.

Then, he saw what he had assumed on the basis of the sounds. Indeed, he saw more than 1 woman coming straight in his direction...talking, smiling and laughing with each other. There were around 20 women. He could hear them but couldnt understand wot they talked of or about. Their language was alien to him.

But..Women...at 1 in the night?
He waited. He watched. Something was bothering him.

The women were dressed elegantly..in-fact like they were going for a festival of some sort. They wore elegant and bright sarees in shades of green, pink, blue, red, orange..actually all the colors. And they all looked beautiful...undoubtedly.

As to who they were...he had no answer. Somehow the women had come at the very clearing where his tree was. They still talked, laughed and smiled at each other and at one point sat down on the green grass in the clearing. He could see them quite clearly now.

Something else was happening. A woman got up and looked in the direction they themselves had come from. All of them got up and laughed and talked. Someone else was coming. SOMEONE ELSE WAS COMING. Who??

David looked on. He held his breath.

The women cheered on for that someone to come faster. The person came running and suddenly like that person was tired..stopped and started walking slowly..laughing.. That person was another WOMAN. This woman came right in the middle of the group and hugged everyone one by one..laughing and talking at the same time.
This lady was absolutely gorgeous..stunning. She was the most beautiful woman David had ever seen in his life.

Something was still bothering him.

This time..for the first time...he heard something that made any sense to him. He heard the beauteous woman say to everyone..in her soft tone of voice, "Vo aa rahe hain" (He's coming).

A shiver wave ran down his entire body as David realized wot that probably meant.

He felt like he would explode if he didn't see who that someone was..
Was she talking bout.... NO.. that can't be.. Oh no.. no no....no ways..it can't be him..not HIM....

NOT HIM......

CAN IT ??? Can she really be talking 'bout....KRISHNA??????

For God's sakes.. David had forgotten everything..he had almost lost his mind.. He didn't feel anything..he couldn't sense anything.

He knew..Wotever happened next..he was going to remember it the rest of his life. He held on tight to the branch...ever so tight.

The women had all gathered and were looking in one direction...the direction they themselves had come from. They knew someone was coming...They knew HE was coming !!!

The night had gone silent yet again...this time the silence seemed unbearable.
He had to see that someone before he went insane.

And then........he SAW....he saw a figure...far in the night...in the direction straight ahead.

His eyes had widened. His heart beat like thousand drums at the same time..his tongue had gone dry...his hands held on tight to the branch.

He saw that someone come closer. He could make out that, that someone was a HE. The women cheered. The beauteous woman went a bit forward than the group to receive him and be the first to greet him.

David still wasn't able to see that person clearly. He held on..for he knew this is wot he had come to see.. The legend was about to come true...

to be continued.......
( Read The Legend of Krishna - PART 3 here)

The Legend of Krishna - part 1

2009-03-07T03:48:00.054+09:00

A fair WARNING before you indulge into this tale of the legend. It's lengthy and forthcoming. Take breaks reading it, if need be. But once u start, don't stop. I guarantee the tale will take your breath away.

Well, there is a small pretty town somewhere in the midst of bustling India...somewhere in the northern parts of it. The town that signifies beauty and holiness by it's mere name. The town known to be the place of birth of none other than - Krishna...the handsome God.

This blessed town had...has a neighborly little town nearby. A town by the name - Vrindavan.

The incident supposedly happened in the vicinity of a temple in this very town. This temple is said to have a huge beautiful garden..that goes for miles in length - a small forest if u will.. in it's background.

Legend has it that on nights that are really special.... LORD KRISHNA himself comes down to this very forest with his horde of gopis (women followers) and a very special lady by his side to dance the night away in happiness. He is then said to multiply himself so he can becomes the same number as that of the gopis, to be each one's partner. And he himself dances with his very special lady companion - the BEAUTIEOUS RADHA. And thus the night is added in the list of nights that were chosen by the Lord himself for this occasion.

This legend had been kept alive for decades by the priests and the old of that town and of nearby villages. It still is. Not many know of it but it still is. One and the only reason why the gates of that garden and the temple itself were.. and still are heavily padlocked at nights after a thorough check inside for anyone who wud dare try a look see.

David never believed in such legends. In-fact he was known as 'David the myth breaker' in his company of friends and colleagues. David was a news reporter by profession and true to his nature, he laughed this one off too arguing that things like that just didnt happen in the real world and the temple was probably padlocked so it cud be protected by thieves etc.

In-fact, he went a step ahead and took on a challenge to break this myth too. "Why not", he thought. It would be fun. It seemed easy enough. The challenge, then, was obviously on. He knew he had a golden opportunity to add another feather on his cap.

There were those who had opposed this idea but true to his self, he had already made his plans. He was going to do it.

He had carefully chosen the night that was rumored as one of the nights in a year when this divine magic supposedly happened. When the Maker of all himself came down and danced on his own creation - one of the mighty 3 - the Earth.

The day had begun for THAT night to begin.

He had been sly and had successfully slipped past the sharp eyed priests of the temple, the guards and the usual folks that cud tell...way past, deep into the forest he went. He had found a small clearing surrounded by tall trees that had thick branches with enuff ensemble of leaves to hide 10 people if needed. He had made himself comfortable atop one...on a branch, high up. Satisfied with himself, he settled in for the long wait.

He was prepared with his usual weapons of choice and profession - his brand new camera, a pen and a pad.

It was a long wait for the night to arrive but he knew it was going to be worth it. Nothing wud happen. Tomorrow morning, he wud get down the tree, slip past the guards once again, go out in the open and laugh out loud at his friends over lunch maybe. He wud make sure they remember him for breaking this one too. This was supposedly a big one - they had said.

He felt a twitch at the back of his neck, shrugging it off he convinced himself..nothing wud happen in the night.

There wud be no divine sight..no Gopis comin' here tonight talking to each other, no dance of the beauteous Radha and most definitely -- No arrival of - Krishna. Not tonight..not here..not anywhere. Obviously, THAT was NOT possible.

Or........so he thought..

to be continued...

Read the 2nd part of the tale here.

Little Mary is full...

2009-02-26T17:44:00.044+09:00

Mary was pretty young and had a little lamb. Somebody made a verse on her..didn't give her no copyright rights, no royalties, no goodies to eat, not even ice cream. She was a mere villager. Shucks.

That was like long long ago...maybe in the 16th century...but now lil Mary is all grown up and someone told her, the city had much to offer.
So..

Mary had a little lamb,
a little toast, a little jam,
some pizza and some cake,
some french fries and a chocolate shake,
a little burger on a bun.
And that's why Mary today weighs a TON...

Mary baby..u rock. :-)

And now presenting to you one of the best-est funny love poems with an emotional backdrop that I have come across so far, aptly titled, "Only you!" (written by Arcadia Flynn)..
Here goes..

"Only You!"

You turn me on, you handsome hunk,
With your sunken, hairless chest,
In your skinny white arms, I feel safe from all harm,
Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Your beard is long and full of crumbs,
From all the fast food there you've dropped,
And with your big sloppy kiss, I know the meaning of bliss,
Oh stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

I laugh as you smile me your sleezy grin,
Your face is a gift from above,
And as your one glass eye tries to wink, I just sigh,
I'm in love, love, love, love, love!

I've always wanted a man with a hairy back,
And yours goes right to your bum,
And your fat in its folds, gives me more of you to hold,
Oh yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!

My senses you tease with your burps and your farts,
I've never smelt this way before,
And because you don't shower, it lasts for hours and hours,
Oh more, more, more, more, more!

Your dress sense is awesome, a sight to behold,
In your stubbles, hanging belt, the lot,
As you walk down the street, bums hanging out, it's a treat
Oh I'm so hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

When we're doin' it, my most favorite bit,
Is the wobble in your beer belly pod,
Then after a minute, you're all done and finished,
oh god, god, god, god, god!

You've been through a lot in your forty odd years,
You've caught every god damned disease,
Been broken and torn, battered and worn,
So please, please, please, please, please!

Take me tonight as we cuddle real close,
As our bits rub together once more,
Know that you're in my heart, every funny, ugly, fat, wobbly, hairy, smelly part,
I'm yours, yours, yours, yours, yours !!!

Sighhhh... :-)

As a parting note..One stupid joke..
Try n' survive..if u get the vibe (sorry, had to rhyme that somehow)

One saggy boob said to the other:
"Honey, if we don't get some support soon, people will think we are nuts!"

Hahaa...

For Guys ONLY...

2009-02-21T17:24:00.041+09:00

Ok now...before I go on.. BE WARNED !!!

This post is BY a guy, for guys ONLY. This is an all guy-talk thing...so quite obviously, for GUYS ONLY. Before you jump to conclusions, there's nothing GAY about it.

If ur a non-male entity..STOP. Be warned. DO NOT read ahead...(U won't like it.)

If ur a minor..Stop. Don't read ahead..U won't understand.

If ur a major..uh..a MALE above age 18 - read on dude..this is for YOU. U'll attract women like bees to honey once ur done reading. Hi-five dude..yeahh.

If u think ur a sexy hot bombshell born to make men in cars crash over each other while they look at u crossing the road..well..ok..fine..read on.. ( Don't mind takin' chances with such bombs. )

If ur a female and a member of 'KILL ALL MEN' or 'MAKE MEN SUFFER FOR BEING BORN' or such clubs.. STOP. U r treading the MEN-ONLY ZONE. U don't wanna do that....that's against ur club policies. U'd be eavesdropping - Bad manners. Besides...I SQUEAL..I'm blessed with the stool-pigeon quality. :-)

For all those who still don't get it...Lemme make it REAL CLEAR...

This post is ONLY for those who got BALLS to scratch when they wake up in the morning.

U got Balls...read on.
U don't have em', U've been warned.
For those who don't wake up in the mornings..wotever.. read on.

OK now with these fair..and may I add..Precise..warnings..

On with the post... ready to read...??
OK..here we go..
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DAMN.
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Oh DAMN..
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All those warnings n' I forget wot the hell I had to write 'bout. Waitascrewyminute. I jus' had it...
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DAMN....
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Haha..Sorry if I wasted your time on this one. Wot to do. I yum like this wonly !!
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Yada yada hi Dharmasya..

2009-02-18T22:27:00.052+09:00

Arjun the supreme warrior, his war attire on, in the battle field on his huge chariot. His massive bow in his hand, an arrow ready to fire...an arrow with the power to kill a 1000 men in a single blow and the aim so precise that he could hit the eye of a moving fish in water, a 100 times, without a single miss...

..guided by the handsome, cunning yet logically clever, the supreme statesman, Lord Krishna as his companion - as his faithful chariot driver driving him skillfully in the midst of the battle.

The enemy - Arjun's own 100 brothers, his own teachers and the elders he respects and their army.

But Arjun is NOT ready to fight. He can not understand why he has to slay his own brothers, his own elders and the people he loves just so he could win the war and eventually, a state. He is confused and looks at Krishna his friend and the chariot driver, for guidance. He asks him if he knows what is going on.

Lord Krishna smiles knowingly and halts the moving chariot. The Lord knows what needs to be done now. Arjun clearly needed to know the truth as it is. The world needed to know the truth as it was. It couldn't be hidden anymore.

The Lord stands up, and lifts his hand and shows the sky the palm of his right hand.

The result is instant and humongous - With the raising of the palm, the Lord did the IMPOSSIBLE. He commanded the all encapsulating, the almighty TIME to STOP.

Time froze for unaccountable minutes, maybe hours, maybe days, maybe years. No one knows. And with the stopping of time, the universe froze. The Gods stopped what they were doing and paid attention to what was going to be the 'is all and know all' of all things human !! The ultimate Gyan by the maker of the Universe himself.

Arjun couldn't believe what was happening. He fell on his knees with hands folded and said, "Tell me my Lord..tell me." Krishna turned, faced the confused warrior on his knees and said..

"Yada Yada Hi Dharmasya
Glanirva Bhavathi Bharatha
Abhyuthanam Adharmasya
Tadatmanam Srijami Aham

Paritranaya Sadhunaam
Vinashaya Cha Dushkritaam
Dharma Sansthapnaya
Arthaya Sambhavami Yuge Yuge.."

"यदा यदा ही धर्मस्य ग्लानिर्भवति भारत, अभ्युथानम् अधर्मस्य तदात्मानं सृजाम्यहम् |
परित्राणाय साधुनाम विनाशाय च: दुष्कृताम, धर्मं संस्थापनार्थाय सम्भावामी युगे युगे ||"

“Whenever and wherever there is decay of righteousness, O! Bharat and rise in un-righteousness, I shall manifest myself."
or..
Whenever and wherever there is a decline in religious practice, O descendant of Bharata, and a predominant rise of irreligion--at that time I descend Myself.

He further said...

O' brave warrior - the enemy you see is not many but one. That enemy is 'EVIL'. And YOU have been chosen to destroy it...so that righteousness triumphs. Do not hesitate for a moment, do not falter, do what you have been chosen to do.

Arjun, This is my lesson to you and all human kind - Never think of the 'result'. Only your deed. For, once you have done your very best of what you have to do...you reach the extreme limit of what is humanly possible. You CANNOT go beyond.

And since you cannot go beyond...what happens after; the deciding result of your deed - is NOT for you to decide or understand. Leave that to me. What has to be, will be !!"

Lord Krishna said, "Do your Karma, O' great human and leave the rest to me.
TRUST ME. HAVE FAITH."
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Let us TRUST him. Let's have FAITH !!!

Have I ever worn a Yellow Chaddi ??

2009-02-17T20:06:00.068+09:00

A dude asked me today if I had ever worn a yellow chaddi..

An evil smile played wickedly on his face, one of his eyebrows touching the sky.

Well..I'm usually quite open on any topic under the sun..and moon at nights..
And jus' cuz' people know about this fact - anybody with a twisted mind in my office thinks he can come up n' ask any damn thing he can think of, might have thought of last night or has ever wondered who the perfect bakra cud be to ask it to.

And more often than not..invariably..
(CUT. FRAME 2..SCENE 5, ROLLING..CAMERA..ACTION !)

Urs truly....enters the picture.

(Background music anyone??)
My job makes me a perfect stupidomando candidate for an experiment on such topics in my office. (Shhhhhh keeping mum on what I do yet. Just trust me on that.)

Well so...here I was..looking at this nutcase lookin' back at me with a cracked smirk askin' this goddammitnonsensenobusinessofhis question with the expectation that I'd topple over...think for a few minutes and then give him the title of the most intelligent man on earth for askin' such a question...and maybe a chance for him to die laughing.

Nothing like that happened. Not even remotely close. But yea, I had to give an answer. Prestige ka sawaal, u c? Not to mention an excited audience that had been attracted (maybe setup) and were on my face wondering wot my answer to that would be.

The new gossip was about to have it's birth right in front of everyone. And I was gonna be it's FATHER. NOOOoooooo...I wasn't gonna get screwed.
(I've decided not to marry until someone gets me pregnant first...uh..wotevah*)

Had I ever worn a yellow chaddi ?? Hmm..now..well, yea..I had. One of my chaddis did have that color with that all too famous leopard skin design on it. I remember wearing it way long back...back in the 19th century maybe...long long back.

Fortunately for me, although he was rubbing his hands in anticipation of an expected answer, he had made an error in his question.

He wanted to have his fun on my expense in context to the Ram sena thing that happened last week in Bangalore, with all those pink chaddis sent to them n' all..but in his hurry he had forgotten to add to his question if I had ever worn a LADIES yellow chaddi. THAT is wot he REALLY wanted to ask.

AH HAH..A minute of careful concentrated diagnosis of the dumb question had yielded results. I had seen the loop hole..the flaw..the break through..and undoubtedly I had to get my finger in it...through it. I think did.

I grabbed the chance, pulled my chin up, my chest out, so my embarrassment doesn't show and said out loud.."Yea U ass*ole I HAVE worn a yellow chaddi. No bias against color u c. And jus so u know..I happened to like it..cuz it was a MALE chaddi. Grow up dude or do u still go to ur mama for milk ??"

And while I high fived the other few guys who acted the audience part of going in a frenzy of cheer and whistle..to the 'T', I knew I had scored a hit.

It was Check Mate.

I saw the poor dude's face changing into varied emotions all in a flash and then transfixing finally on that of revenge. The 'damnnit rabbit, next time...next time..jus' u waittt...' look.

Office is fun..so is being popular !!
wink :->

Pissitoriams..Jus' DO IT..

2009-02-14T02:43:00.028+09:00

Man..I missed this space. How's this post for a comeback??
Had to share these with u.. Dammit, I'd love to install one of these one day..somewhere.. Check em' out..

Smokin'.....
No guarantees of return..
For future astronauts..
For Corporates to feel at home..
For loud mouths..
No escaping the kind..
For exhibitionists..
For kinky women..
For the rock star in you..
And finally...for actors to get that 'feel' u know...

I'm still laughing on the inside. Oh By the way, Happy Valentine's day... Lol!!

'heLL lOTTa TIps' becomes an inspiration..

2009-02-04T03:49:00.020+09:00

Thank you Nehal.
I'm deeply humbled to know that lil ol' me was the source of inspiration for your Blog "Time for Change".

Also, it feels pretty neat to know that you chose to thank me on you very first post - Now I go online. You have given me something to boast about. Thank you so much.

So..from one blogger to another....Welcome to the world of Blogs!!
Enjoy.

Anand. :-)

Hugs, Donation and angels in disguise...

2009-02-03T22:30:00.075+09:00

Together WE did it...but..the credit goes to YOU and YOU alone. This is the direct result of the CALL FOR HELP to you.

I know My blog is yet unknown and quite little in comparison to baap Blogs out there. yet, I gave it a shot.

And YOU made it happen. Yes YOU !!! YOU who commented.

I had a bit of apprehension at the end of the month, January 2009. I wondered how many souls out there had hearts made out of pure gold.

I sent a message for a helping hand freely in the universe and YOU responded..instantly. For you knew..that ur love was special..U knew u had sturdy hands that can support and extend in time of need.
And that ur love multiplies when distributed. What a grt quality.

I asked you to comment on my post
'Cell Codes, Free Hugs and Donation' and thereafter on any post in my blog and I made a solemn promise that every comment you give would amount to 10 hugs and Rs 50 each..hugs going to everyone and money to charity.

Here's a bit of calculation for u to check out...n' though this is a very very small..a tiny number..I'm extremely proud of it.

Calculation :

1) No.of Posts on which comments were given - 11.
2) Comments on each post - 2+5+6+3+1+2+1+2+1+2+1 = 26 (Total comment count)
3) Hugs - 26 (total comment count) * 10 (hugs each) = 260 (Hugs)
4) Money - 26 (total comment count) * 50 (Rs) = 1,300 (Rs)

So,
Total Hugs to be given = 260 and
Total money collected = Rs 1,300.
Hell Yeah !!

Damn neat, doncha think??
Maths was never made for me and vice versa..yet..this calculation looks like an achievement of sort.

and......make a guess wot???
I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP THAT PROMISE (and it's still goin' on)!!
Yipppieee..yahooooooo..
(A pat on my back, a hug, a kiss..anyone??)

About Money :

The money (the collected Rs 1,300) is going to a charity organization for the EDUCATION for the needy. I have contacted the NGO and will be giving the collected money to them anytime in February 09 as soon as they come along to accept it. (May I repeat, the money is going from my own pocket on your behalf.)

About Hugs :

Man....it's a whole lotta fun. Hugs r GRRRRRTT to give and take. Smiles, laughter and energetic conversations come as part n' parcel with Hugs..
Hugging Girls, Guys, elders, young, couples, waiters, children, parents, chanawalas, panipuriwalas, Managers, movie theatre counter-back guys (Gajini lookalikes)...the whole bruhaha..It's Magic.

Though, not all hugs have been given yet..but honestly..who'd be counting?
I'm not looking at it like it's a job and that I gotta get it done and get it over with somehow. That's not the spirit. It comes from the heart, u know.
And guess wot, I'm sure it's gonna go way over the 260 mark since my friends have joined in this as well. All excited as hell. Yippeee...

You who helped and extended a helping hand,

Thank you for responding.
Thank you for your encouragement.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your monetary support.
Thank you for your invaluable hugs.
And finally..

Thank you for visiting me and liking and commenting on my blog. :-)
'heLL lOTTa TIps', 'Love Ladder' and ME take a bow.

I hope you feel like an angel today when u have read this.

Sleep tonight with pride and smile..for unknown to you,
I'm sure..
YOU will have an angel ring upon ur head and the Gods will be smiling, looking at u, nodding at each other, saying.."Thank God, atleast this one will come to heaven." :-)

And hey,
Don't be surprised if you see people look at you and get confused while you walk by them on your way to the office, in the market, anywhere that ur seen. Observe closely, they might look at you twice and wonder if they actually saw a shiny, beautiful and a sparkling angel ring for a second over your head that had made them blink n' take notice.
:-)

Don't be surprised if you're the headlines in the next day's papers. ;->

Ladies and Gentlemen, Brothers and my friend's sisters..my name is Anand.

And I'm honored to know you.

For, I'm sure YOU are an ANGEL in disguise.
God Bless.

Where's your heaven ??

2009-02-01T03:14:00.040+09:00

I was traveling. But now..I'm BACK - Safe n' sound.
Back from a place so dreaded that it's mere thought in January makes people go weak in the knees. I knew I was going on a risky trail. I knew once I reached there, I wud have to fight a 2 headed dragon that possessed vicious anger. Really !!!

Lekin vo kya jeetega maidan-e-jung, jo chalta hi ghutno ke bal hai. Aadab !!

So I kept my chin up, held my head high n' focused on the task that lay ahead.. and like a man possessed I stepped forward to the fight of my life...yet again. Yep, I had been there before. The dragon was little then. But this time I was prepared.

My destination - Frozen, invisibility due to fog - 95% - The Indian Capital and it's neighboring areas. Tundra for me, brrr. Dude, it was REALLY COLD.

Think I'm exaggerating?? Umm..well..ok ya I may be...jus' a bit. ;-)

But really, sometimes It's great exaggerating when u talk about such places? Kinda builds up an appetite for an interesting read, no?

Ok, being short n' sweet, I was in Delhi and a few other areas around it, extending up to U.P. The cold was chilling to the bone and the 2 headed dragon that I spoke of earlier was the mighty Cold with it's death chill and heavy fog as its 2 heads.

You shuda seen the Fog...due heavy...zero visibility. Fog that made U recall all horror stories U may have ever heard. Never know wot mite pop up from the midst of that mysterious white cloud...especially when it surrounds u - 360 degrees.

I felt like a trapped animal but I knew I had to survive the chill. (exagg is fun, yo..). So I prepared myself to fight it as I put on my war-grab.

I put on 2 sweaters, a thick full-sleeves t-shirt, a jacket over it, monkey cap (my true identity revealed, dammit), an inner inside my jeans to protect my precious willy dilly and anmol ratans, jeans over it of course, a warm pair of socks and finally, shoes that I never took off.

War attire on I was able to hang on to dear life and live to write this post today. Heaters aren't that effective there mostly, u know. I bathed every alternate day...IF I thot I cud, otherwise all hail the mighty DEOs. By the way..Axe doesn't attract women...

I confess I'm not good with extreme climates. Very happy with temperate Mumbai, really. Works fine with me. Finally, the time came for me to travel back to my own heaven - Mumbai. The best place in the whole wide world...for me !

I don't care too much on wot people think about Mumbai, u know. I have my own logic and I'm sure it coincides with a lot of others. I don't care for debates on the topic either.

Mumbai is Home and Home is heaven. period.

So as I entered Mumbai..Mr Sun hit me with his warm rays that made my lips twist in the all powerful smile and my skin tingle. Had somebody been observing me that moment, he wud have definitely thot I was either bonkers or I was in love. Was neither (unfortunately).

I secretly whispered 'Thank you' to the Lord baove and took off my damned sweaters. I was free and happy again. I was back.

I am Back to...
My home - Mumbai, My heaven. I love U !!

Where's ur heaven ?

God read my Blog...

2009-01-26T18:38:00.007+09:00

Ok So, God sat on his couch and read my Blog on his 14 inch monitor as he munched on potato chips.
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:-)
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:-) ;-)
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mmphh.....mmpphhmmphhh.. snickerr...snickerrr...

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ha ha ha ha..
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hahhhaaaahahaa
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hahahahahahhahaaa
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm really sorry. I know this is the worst kinda post ever but it really did make me laugh out loud. Lolz.