How to win such bets..

Last month, we were invited to a convention on entertainment in one of the posh hotels in town. So 3 of my friends and me went over, expecting some tips of the wise.

The place was great. Big auditorium, rich looking people, page 3 women etc. A crowd of around 80.

We looked out of place with our hair lookin' like it's forgotten wot gravity means. One of my friends looked at all of us, lifted his shoulders in a 'matter of fact' way and said, "Hey, it's how u are that matters, not how u look, rite?" and all of us nodded in a hurry. Thanx to whoever originally made this senseless phrase.

So things leveled, we sat down for the convention with other people, our ears all receptive. And when it started...well...the less said about it the better. Watching a snail glide is more fun.

Finally when it was break time a.k.a lunch time, everyone rushed to get up and get out of the place. Some even for lunch actually. And us.. we rushed to the pissitorium to relieve ourselves.

That done, we decided to skip it and head for Pizza-hut or someplace....but one of my friends had an evil idea. He said, "Hey, before we leave, how bout a BET?? I jus' got a grt idea. Wot say?"

We wanted to know more. So he said "Listen u guys, this place is all screwed up and yawn boring, rite? How 'bout some fun then? So I'm BETTING anyone of u to mix around with a few people here and crack at least 5 of the worst jokes u can think of and if they laugh on any 3 of them, I'll pay 100 bucks... rite here, rite now. Who's up for it?" So saying, he smiled a wicked wide evil smile.

Now THAT was a BET if I'd ever heard one and I could instantly remember at least 3 stupid jokes even as I smirked. I wondered which one of us would do it.

Everyone was looking at everyone and then suddenly everyone.....was looking at ME.

I stared back. "WOT?? Hey, wo wo wo woahhh not me guys, I'm not doin it". They kept staring at me, their smiles gettin bigger by the second. For the next 5 minutes, I was cajoled, pleaded with, tempted, threatened and even blackmailed into doing it. Sighh..blackmail got me.

So it was ME then. I had no choice.

Mixing in a group was no big task. I mixed around in a group of 7 having their lunch on paper plates on a buffet. My friends, pretending to be a group stood quite close to mine pretending to make some stupid conversation...knowing pretty well wot to expect in the next few minutes.

So I made myself a bit comfortable in the group introducing myself and nodding at wotever crap they were talking about. Suddenly, I said in an attention grabbing tone, "Hey, to be honest, this convention is so boring, man. I mean, the only best part about it is this lunch, wot say you all?" And to my s'prise everyone agreed. This was a good sign.

So before anyone in my group could start any new topic, I cracked my first big one. I had decided on one liners.
I cracked about the guy who had made that boring speech on the podium. I said "If I meet that guy, I'd tell him that the last thing I wanted to do with him was hurt him. But it wud still be on the list." They let out a small laugh. I scored.

Not a bad opener. I had to crack only 2 more and I would win.

While I was on the topic of the guy on the podium, I cracked another one almost immediately, "And If I were to agree with all he had to say, we wud both be wrong." Everyone laughed louder this time and I was into the character of the man talking 'matter of fact way' looking quite serious.

Two down, one to go. Hell yeah !!

My friend made an air sign of one more. Yea I knew. I had so far made a grt opening. My friend who had laid the bet...looked dull.

The next 10 minutes dragged on and I had cracked 2 more one liners, one after the other. And they both bombed badly. Not even a slight smile. The only smile that I cud see was on my bet laying friend's lips.

This was bad and I was thinking hard on what to do next. I had only one chance left and I had to make it count. Of all the dumb jokes in the world that I have read in emails, Joke sites, heard from my friends, colleagues...I cudn't remember one single, darn one. Pathetic !!

And then, just as suddenly.... one popped up in my mind. I remember it was real pathetic yet I had laughed myself silly on it that time and I was sure these dumb heads would too. I came rite down to desperation and announced "Hey, anyone wanna hear a joke?" I think someone had nodded by mistake and off I went...

I cracked...
"Two zebras are talking, rite?
One asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or am I white with black stripes?"
The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."
So that night he prayed and God replied, "You are what you are."
The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are."
The second zebra responds, "Then You MUST be white with black stripes or else God would have said, 'Yo is what yo is, man!'"

No sooner I had finished saying it...I started laughing at my own joke. I had burst out laughing when I had heard it before and I was doing it again. I really did find this joke funny. With by now watery eyes, I looked at the people round and saw everyone having a confused look on their faces. Not a single one o' them had even smiled. I think the fuckers hadn't got the joke at all.

But, oh man, I was at the point of no return. The dumb faces of the people looking at me made me laugh even more. I was so lost that I had to sit down on the chair behind me to control my paining tummy and give it a rest. After about a minute or so of my uncontrollable laughing.....I looked up. I had thought since I had lost, I might as well get up, thank everyone and leave but wot I saw surprised the hell outta me. Everyone was laughing now. Some smirked. But yea....everyone had their teeth out wide looking at me.

I had got it. I had done it. They had finally got the joke. I had successfully cracked 3 jokes and made people laugh. I had WON. Wooopieee. I had EARNED those damn 100 bucks.

I looked over at my group and they were laughing too with high fives on. I got up, apologized for my stupidity and said thanx to everyone for being chilled out and bid adieu to them. They still had huge smiles and smirks on their faces. I went over to my group and everyone high-fived me and we went out of the convention hall of the hotel.

Once out I demanded, "Pay up" to my friend. He said, "Dude, I don't know if I should." I didn't understand. But one of my other friends argued, "hey, it stands to argument on what they really laughed on. U can't say they didn't laugh at the joke. So he deserves his 100 bucks. Pay up man."

I was lost. I asked them straight forward on wot the argument was all about. Wot else wud they be laughing on if not at my joke?? Wot my friends told me next has now become a big joke by itself and more fodder for blackmail.

One of my pals explained,"Dude, remember they weren't laughing when u had cracked the last joke?" I nodded. And then you sat down and they started laughing? I nodded again. "Well dude, it wasn't the joke they were laughing on. It was on YOU." "Me? Howz that?" I asked, trying to think back and figure it out.

"Well, u remember we had gone to take a piss?" "Ya so?", I asked in a hurry to know the answer. He answered finally, "So....dude, when u sat on the chair - your zip got wide open....STILL IS. U never ZIPPED your pants up, man !!"
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I realize how I musta looked. Stupid guy with his zip open without realizing it and laughing like crazy. Well, I got the 100 bucks nevertheless. But I'm more aware of my post office now!!

Cmon humor me - tell me the worst joke you ever heard. I'll let u know if I laughed. :-)